Pivotal Moments
by SimplySupreme
Summary: Humans live passionately, burning their candle from both ends and yet burning all the brighter because of it, and with immortality involved, it's all too easy to see that flame gutter and die. Love's the only thing that can keep it going, and perhaps that sounds too cliché, but it's the truth. Some moments can change a life forever. They're pivotal. Bellice
1. Chapter 1: The First and Second

_A/N: Confession time. I pretty much hate Twilight. Why? Because it's just so full of wasted potential. It could have been a great story, but the execution was terrible. Therefore, I decided to mess with it and change a few things, hopefully for the better. I'm no professional writer, but I'd like to think I could make an improvement._

_So, this is going to be a Bellice fic. Why? Because it's adorable. If you don't like to read femmeslash, then don't read it._

_And yes, I know that I skip around fandoms more than my cousin skips around penis, and I fess up to it. My muse has the attention span of an ADHD squirrel, I know. I have a problem. I should probably get some medication for it._

_I don't own anything, nor would I admit it if I did._

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Pivotal Moments: Chapter One  
The First and Second

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**Bella POV**

A single event, significant or no, can change your life forever. One heart-stopping moment –one brief pause in time—can be the turning point around which your whole life revolves, and you'll know. You'll _know_. On instinct, as soon as that moment hits, your body screams at you that your life will never be the same. Maybe that's a good thing, and maybe it's bad, but there's nothing you can do but be pulled along in time like a hapless puppy to wherever life takes you. A new direction. These moments happens to everyone, and sometimes more than once. They are everything, and nothing, and special.

I had never experienced such a moment until the beginning of my sophomore year of High School. I suppose you could say that my life was all too normal until that fateful word escaped from my mother's trembling lips. Cancer.

Time stopped, and everything changed. It was a pivotal moment in my life, and I was never the same.

She was dying. It was hard. So senseless. She knew it, and I knew it, and we both had to live with it.

One week after diagnosis, Phil, my mother's boyfriend, left. She was utterly inconsolable. I think she had hoped that one day he would marry her, but that dream was taken from her along with everything else. Everything else but me, that is. I was all she had left.

I had to be so strong. Stronger than I thought I was capable of being. I took care of her, and drove her to the doctors. I read to her during her treatments, and held her hand when she could barely lift her head. I held her in my arms when the doctors finally told her that there was nothing they could do, and I wept over her when she died.

How could this happen? _Why_ did this happen? I was so young, and so alone. My childhood had ended in that first pivotal moment, and I would never get it back. My grades had plummeted during the last months of my mother's life, and I had spent my time in isolation and found new friends. False friends. Friends who were shallow and self-centered and who would _never_ ask about my mother or myself. I didn't want to talk about it. I hated that they didn't matter to me.

Phil should have been there, but he wasn't. It was small comfort that Charlie, my father, flew down to attend the funeral, but I was just glad I was going to move in with him in Forks, to be honest. I never wanted to see Phoenix again. The span of time between my mother's diagnosis and the moment I dropped my suitcase on the floor of my bedroom in Charlie's house was a little over five months. Such a short time.

I was so numb.

It was the summer before my junior year, and I had a full two months before its start to make a new life for myself, but at the same time, I didn't want to see _anyone_. My mother was gone, and I couldn't handle it; she had always been there for me, and now she was _gone_. I would wake up every morning hoping to hear her voice calling 'Bella! My Isabella! Wake up, darling, or you'll be late!' But I never heard it, and I never would again. In all my young life, I had never felt such pain.

Numbness? Agony? I would prefer to feel nothing.

For the week after my move to Forks, I didn't speak much. I was listless: going through the motions of my life. I kept the house clean, and made the meals (Charlie was utterly hopeless for cooking) and took long, winding walks through the nearby forest for hours at a time. It was peaceful, amidst the trees. It was the one place that I could be something besides miserable.

I never cried though. I hadn't shed a tear since the day of my mother's death. I felt like a glass; full of cracks, and perilously close to shattering into a million different pieces. It was all I could do to hold myself together.

Charlie left me to it, which I was grateful for. We were very similar, he and I, and we both needed time. He did do little things for me though. He painted my bedroom a soft blue (my favorite color), and brought home fresh flowers daily (daffodils—my favorite flower). He even bought me a little used Toyota Corolla. It was a faded red, and ran a little loudly, but it was such a thoughtful gift that I couldn't help but love it.

However, I wasn't snapped out of my depression until I experienced my second pivotal, life-changing moment. I didn't feel remotely human again until I met Alice Cullen.

And yes, I do see the irony in that in hindsight.

I was perusing the grocery store for something edible to stock Charlie's empty pantry with on the day when it happened. My second moment.

Being my klutzy self, accidents were a fairly common occurrence for me. Collisions with those people unlucky enough to stand too close to me were the norm. This being the case, I didn't waste much time in apologizing when I crashed into a rock-hard body and tumbled to the floor.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" I gasped, scrambling back to my feet. I had run into a woman, who was shopping with a girl that looked to be her daughter standing behind her. I didn't have more than a split second to take this in, however, because the woman was already talking.

"It's fine dear. Are you hurt?" she asked, concern clear in her voice.

But I could only stare. Her simple, elegant hairstyle, her kind, adoring smile, the gentleness in her soft golden eyes… I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I didn't see her—I saw my poor mother.

Clearly, some of this showed on my face, because the woman really did look concerned for my health now and gripped my wrist to steady me as I reeled back as if struck. "I'm sorry," I gasped, whimpering like a wounded animal. "It's just… you look like my mother." I hadn't cried in so long, and suddenly, the weight of that crashed down upon me, and I knew I had to get out before I fell to pieces. "I… I have to go," I squeaked as my vision blurred. I extracted my wrist from the woman's gentle grip and fled the store like a bat out of hell, leaving my cart behind and the woman and her daughter gaping after me.

I didn't get far. Couldn't, really. I burst from the store and darted across the parking lot and into a nearby alley, where I sank to the ground, my back pressed up against the soothing cool of the wall and cried quietly.

I missed her. I missed my mother.

I couldn't do this. How could I finish growing up without her? I loved Charlie, I really did, but he was my father, and he couldn't replace my mother. No one could. I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this. I couldn't. I couldn't. I…

"Are you all right?"

I froze, surprised. Whoever had spoken had a beautiful voice, like tinkling bells. In spite of myself, I felt a little bit of my panic ebb away as the voice washed over me, so I looked up.

A short, slender girl about my own age –maybe a little older—stood in the mouth of the alleyway, not five feet from me. She was also probably the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my entire life. I realized that this girl was the one who had been shopping with the woman who had reminded me of my mother. She must have run after me.

Not trusting myself to speak, I just nodded shakily, gripping my knees harder into my chest.

The girl slowly floated closer and settled cross-legged in front of me, giving me a good view of her face. She was pale –even more so that I was—and possessed fine, chiseled features that wouldn't look out of place on Tinkerbell. I got the feeling that she was someone you'd be hard-pressed to find without a smile, but she wasn't smiling now. In fact, her honey-gold eyes held such a well of sadness and empathy that I felt comforted just looking at her.

"Esme is very sorry for anything she did to make you cry," she told me solemnly.

I shook my head, eyes wide. "It's not her fault," I whispered. "I just… couldn't handle remembering right now, and lost control. It's not… It's not her fault."

The girl nodded equitably, her spiky black hair bobbing with the movement. "I understand," she sighed. "I'll make sure to tell her." I shot her a watery smile, which was returned instantly. "If you don't mind me asking," the girl begin delicately enough that I tensed. "Why does Esme looking like your mother make you so upset?"

I sucked in a breath and looked away. This was a total stranger. She didn't want to hear about my sob-story, and I shouldn't tell her, no matter how tempting it might be.

"It doesn't have to be me you tell, but I think you should talk to _someone_," the girl offered. "Do you have anyone else?"

Blinking hard, I shook my head. This wasn't something I could talk to Charlie about, and I didn't have any friends here. Or in Phoenix, really. I hadn't spoken to any of my old friends in months, and the new ones wouldn't care. Literally the only person I had to confide in was this supermodel off the street who had followed me into an alley. And yet… something about this girl made me feel… comfortable. Safe. I didn't know why. Maybe it was her compassion and empathy in her eyes? The way she sat so still? The sweetness in her voice? I told her what she wanted to know. "My mother… she died," I whimpered, choking back the fresh wave of tears rising in my throat. "She got cancer and she died a week and a half ago, and I came here to live with my dad. I… I miss her."

For such a little thing, the girl could sure move quick. I was wrapped up in a tight hug almost before I'd finished.

It felt wonderful. I hadn't had a hug from anyone but Charlie… in so long. And this girl hugged with such passion, as if she were trying to force my pieces back together into a whole. Her spiky hair tickled the side of my face, and I wondered what shampoo she used to grant her such a pleasant aroma of butterscotch and jasmine and vanilla. I couldn't help myself, and hugged her back tightly, trembling as I fought to regain control of myself again.

A cool hand stroked through my hair. "It's okay to cry, you know," she whispered.

The dam burst, and I fell apart, weeping. I was just glad that I had never been one of those noisy, blubbering criers, but rather a silent one. The previous would have been mortifying. It was embarrassing enough as it was, but this girl didn't make me feel too bad about it. She just held me tightly and let me ruin the collar of her blue cotton blouse.

Thankfully, I only needed a few minutes, and soon pulled away, wiping my eyes. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I've never… I normally don't go to pieces like that. You must think I'm insane."

The girl frowned and placed a hand on my leg. "I don't think you're insane at all!" she cried, scandalized. She softened in sadness. "I would be crying too, in your position. I'm just glad I was here."

A chuckled weakly. "You know what? I'm glad you were here too."

Clearly not expecting me to make a joke, the girl stared at me for a split second before unleashing a pleasant giggle.

Somehow, I felt better. I hurt a little less. "Thank you," I sighed, smiling genuinely, if exhaustedly. "Could you… could you tell me your name?"

The girl brightened. "My name's Alice," she informed me. "Alice Cullen."

"Well it's very nice to meet you, Alice," I said. "I'm Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella."

Alice positively beamed at me. "Isabella," she tried, rolling the name around in her mouth. "I like it. It's pretty."

I cocked my head to one side, considering her. She was strange, Alice, but in a good way. I liked her, a lot. I just hoped I hadn't just ruined any chance of friendship with her by bawling on her shoulder, but to be fair, she hadn't seemed to mind much.

"Are you feeling better, Bella?" Alice asked gently, pulling my hands into her lap. Her skin was very cold, but very smooth. "We can stay here if you aren't ready to leave yet."

"I'm feeling much better, actually," I admitted sheepishly. "I guess I really _did_ need to talk to someone."

"Well, I'm here any time you need to talk," Alice assured me, squeezing my hands in hers. "Really I am. Talking is my best quality because I never shut up, according to my brothers."

I had to laugh at that, and Alice hauled me to my feet before handing me a slip of paper. "That's my number," she informed me almost shyly. "You will text me, won't you? Even if it's just to keep me company?" Her large, pouting eyes were utterly irresistible, and I knew I'd text her outside of a mental breakdown.

It was another pivotal moment then, my gazing into those honey-gold eyes. I knew Alice was special, and that my friendship with her was going to change my life. I knew that this moment was special, and that it would define me just as much as my mother telling me that she had cancer. I couldn't explain this feeling, but I _knew_.

"Yeah," I answered with a smile. "I'd like that." I gave her my number as well, at her insistence.

Alice gave me another winsome smile. "Come on. I'll walk you to your car," she offered. "I think Esme brought your groceries out for you."

I blushed heavily, both mortified and mystified that the poor woman would do that for me. "She didn't have to do that for me," I muttered. I didn't have any cash with me: just my card. I wouldn't even be able to pay her back.

"Maybe not, but she wanted to," was the only comment Alice gave as she began to walk with me back across the parking lot.

Sure enough, the woman –Esme—was waiting for us, leaning up against the side of a canary-yellow Porsche. Two grocery bags rested at her feet. Alice danced right up to her, gave her a peck on the cheek (which even with the red pumps she was wearing was a tip-toed stretch for her—she was absolutely tiny) and snatched up the bags, which she shoved right into my waiting arms.

This time, as I looked upon Esme, she didn't bear as close a resemblance to my mother as I'd first thought. It didn't hurt as much to see her. The distressed expression on her face certainly didn't smack of my mother at all. (My mother wasn't _ever_ distressed like that. Something about positive energy in life and other such nonsense.)

"I'm sorry I freaked out a little back there," I spoke before she had a chance to. "It wasn't your fault, and it was really nice of you to bring my groceries for me. You didn't have to do that."

Esme gave me a radiant smile, and I suddenly realized how much I'd worried the woman. It was almost unfathomable. She didn't even know me, and yet here she was, fretting that she'd offended me. Hell, the woman was casually leaning against a very, _very_ expensive Porsche and she was afraid that I, the rather ragged-looking street urchin, was upset with her! Her altruism astounded me.

"It was no trouble at all, dear," she assured me. "It was the least I could do. Will you be all right to drive home?"

I nodded, touched. First Alice, and now Esme? They were… wonderful. And for the first time in so, _so_ long, I felt more than miserable or apathetic. I felt, for a moment, _happy_. It was beautiful. "I'll be fine," I promised, hoisting the bags into a more comfortable position and fumbling into my bag for my keys. "I don't live far, and I'll probably see you around anyhow. Forks isn't very big, after all," I pointed out in a frankly pathetic attempt at humor. Still, both Esme and Alice renewed their smiles and waved to me. It didn't escape my notice that their eyes followed my little Toyota's progress until I turned safely out of sight. It was comforting.

This story is not a story of my life. It's not a story of how I grew from a girl to a woman. It's not a story of adventure, or even of romance. It's a story of love, in all its many forms. Humans live passionately, burning their candle from both ends and yet burning all the brighter because of it, and with immortality involved, it's all too easy to see that flame gutter and die. Love's the only thing that can keep it going, and perhaps that sounds too cliché, but it's the truth. Life is full of opposites, and while the world is full of hatred and pain and suffering and things so horrible that I can't even understand how they could exist, it's love that makes it worth it.

I am Isabella Swan, and this is my story.

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_A/N: A little dark to start off with, I know, but I want to stick with the theme of little (or big) events changing lives, and this is my best friend's story. I was one of those friends she abandoned, even though we later reconnected, and I know exactly how her mother's death changed her, so I feel pretty comfortable writing about her healing process. Reviews are very welcome! I'd love suggestions, and any comments are appreciated. Hope you enjoyed so far!_


	2. Chapter 2: Best Friends

_A/N: Thank you everyone for your wonderful words of encouragement. I'm glad you liked it!_

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Pivotal Moments: Chapter Two  
Best Friend

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**Alice POV**

Neither Esme nor I moved for a few moments after Bella left, our eyes still riveted to where the taillights of her car had vanished into the late afternoon. I was… stunned, for lack of a better word. I don't think I had ever been so physically close to a human for so long before. Not one that smelled so utterly delectable, that is, and certainly not one that was crying and clinging to me. Well, I'd held a baby once or twice before, but this was very different from those experiences. Humans were naturally wary of my kind, and for good reason, but it also meant that they were generally loathe to be physically close to me. But not Bella…

"That poor girl…" Esme breathed from behind me. I had no need to tell her why Bella had been so upset. She had heard every word spoken between us, though Bella hadn't known that.

I nodded miserably. "She lost everything," I keened softly. "Her mother, her home, her friends…" I trailed off as a vision struck me. It was yet another vision of Bella and myself, lounging together on an unfamiliar couch. We were laughing, and I felt a rush of emotions that didn't belong to me yet. I'd been having these visions for weeks, though I hadn't any idea who Bella was until today.

"What did you see?" Esme asked curiously, turning and opening the passenger door of my Porsche. I slowly followed suit, slipping behind the wheel.

"We're going to be friends, just like I've been seeing," I admitted, falling into a kind of shock. "_Best_ friends." I had had that particular vision last night. I told her that she was my best friend. I had never been best friends with a human before (that I remembered). Hell, I had never had a best friend that wasn't Jasper before! When I had received the vision of Bella crashing into Esme at the supermarket this morning, I knew I had to tag along and meet her, as my curiosity was driving me up the walls. Still, I'd never imagined that my little excursion would be so… strange. Or so sad.

This girl, Bella… she was special. I could tell. I didn't know why or how yet, but this little weeping girl with the enchanting brown eyes was going to change my life. I _had_ had a vision of myself calling her my best friend, after all, and that wasn't a title I threw around lightly.

Esme shook her head in wonder, snapping me out of my reverie, and I quickly threw the car into reverse. "Astonishing," she murmured. "I noticed that she took to you unusually quickly, but I never thought… Oh Alice, this is wonderful!"

I threw my 'mother' a look and pressed more firmly on the gas pedal. "I'm dangerous to her, Esme," I snarled. "This is _not_ a good thing. Not for her." This was true. I couldn't deny it, and I would never, _never_ forgive myself if I hurt this girl. So pretty and trusting and fragile… I was afraid. I was afraid for her and for me, and yet I still wanted her more than anything. I'd seen it. We were laughing, and happy, and I wanted to feel that. A tiny growl crawled up my throat.

To my surprise and irritation, Esme just hummed amusedly. "You have control enough to do this, Alice. Leave the dramatics for Edward," she scolded lightly.

I scowled, but did as she asked, allowing myself to feel my curiosity and loneliness. Bella… she seemed so shattered, but I knew if we were to be as close as I saw and felt, she was truly remarkable. In spite of myself, she intrigued me. I felt badly for Bella's clear agony, such that if I were capable of shedding tears, I would do so. I wanted to help her—to spare her such pain. But did that make it safe for me to befriend her, a simple, if very pretty, human? I wasn't sure.

I knew I was lonely though. I knew that my brother Edward was going through a brooding phase and spending a lot of time by himself, and that Jasper, my first and truest friend, was only just beginning a fledgling relationship with Kate from the Denali clan and didn't have much time for me. I knew that Esme and Carlisle and Emmett and Rosalie were all wrapped up with their respective mates (sometimes literally, though I tried my best to avoid visions of that when I could help it) and that I was alone for much of my time now. I knew I didn't like it. I knew that this was the true reason that I had given Bella my phone number, visions notwithstanding.

"We'll see," was all I could think to respond with. Esme beamed at me, and I couldn't help but smile a little. She was just too sweet, always wanting her family to be happy—Edward and I especially. What can I say? I'm adorable.

We arrived back at the house within minutes (I dearly loved the speeds that my 911 Turbo could achieve.) and the rest of the night passed without incident. Esme placed the groceries into our useless kitchen and threw away all of the old ones, Rosalie spent a few hours chatting with me with her ass in the air as she messed around beneath the hood of Emmett's Jeep, and I took a good, long hunting trip. I had visions of an upcoming sunny Tuesday and of Jasper extending his stay with the Denali's for another week longer than planned, and of Bella curled up in an armchair with a sketchbook, although I couldn't see what she was drawing.

By the morning, I couldn't take any more of Esme's meaningful stares and finally pulled out my cell phone to text my future friend. I knew she was awake, because I had seen how happy she was going to be when her own phone chirped at the breakfast table. I had seen her stare at it with disbelief, and then with a growing smile that made my insides tingle. I was proud that I was going to be responsible for such a smile.

_'Hey, Bella. It's me, Alice Cullen,' _I sent off. _'Did you have a nice evening?' _I couldn't stand modern text abbreviations. I didn't always feel my age, but this was a pet peeve of mine that made me want to grumble about 'kids these days'.

Well, that text was pretty lame, as far as a conversation starter goes. But seriously, how else was I supposed to talk to her? I stalked up the stairs and into my room with a frustrated sigh.

Fortunately for me, my phone chirped fairly quickly in reply. _'I did!' _she had written. _'I even managed to keep dinner only slightly charred. You must be good luck.'_

And so it began. It didn't take me long to discover a few very key things about Bella. For one, she was smarter than anyone –even I—gave her credit for, and she had a wicked sense of humor if she chose to use it. She seemed at first glance to be a bit of a doormat, letting others walk all over her, but I soon discovered that she didn't hesitate to share her opinions (if she felt it was necessary). She was also annoyingly modest and didn't know how to take a complement, more than slightly impatient, more than slightly kind, and just as lonely as I was. I started a game of twenty-questions that first day that I texted Bella, but it ended up being more like a game of two-hundred-questions over the following two weeks. I hadn't even seen the girl a second time, and I already adored her. I could hardly believe it. The only person I had even gotten along even remotely as well with (and not gotten bored) was Jasper, and he was _Jasper_! We were like, the two Musketeers!

Edward, however, wasn't such a big fan of my Isabella. He'd been hunting on an out of state animal preserve when I'd returned that first night after meeting her in the store, but I hadn't washed the clothes I'd been wearing by the time he returned a few days later. (Mostly, though I would never admit it, because I found Bella's scent to be intoxicating. Certainly it made my throat burn ferociously, but in my mind, it was worth it. The girl smelled like strawberries –or what I would imagine strawberries would smell like if I weren't a vampire, and therefore repulsed by the plump little fruits. I liked it, regardless.) He'd come into my room to speak with me, caught one whiff of eau de Bella, and vamped out. Dark eyes, snarling, irritatingly aggressive behavior—you know, the whole shebang.

Edward's singer was my best human friend. I couldn't think of a better way to annoy my brother. He hadn't been so royally pissed in years, but I don't think he begrudged me my happiness. (Though, that was just a pet theory of mine. I had yet to prove it, especially since he had taken to snarling at me whenever I got too close.)

As the two weeks passed, I found my anticipation growing. I _liked_ Bella. Even though we'd only seen each other the once, texted, and talked on the phone, I wanted more of her. She fascinated me. It baffled my family, frankly, especially Rosalie. I think she felt that I didn't need her as much anymore, though that wasn't true. She was my sister, and I loved her, but Bella filled a completely different void in my heart. I didn't know how she accomplished it, but she made me happy, and for that I loved her too.

I was still wary though. It wasn't fair of me to force my friendship on someone whose mother had died so recently, so it took me those two weeks to finally ask to see Bella again. I worried that it was still too soon, but I'd rather save my self-control for other, more important areas. Specifically, the 'let's-not-kill-and-eat-your-friend' type areas.

So it happened that, on a drizzly Friday morning, I called my Isabella.

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**Bella POV**

I was eating breakfast at the table with Charlie in what had become our morning tradition when my cell phone rang. One glance at the caller ID told me that it was Alice, and I couldn't hide the happy grin that touched my lips.

After my talk with Alice, I had been doing better. I knew that my mother had hated it more than anything when I moped, and I figured it was a pretty poor way of honoring her memory if I continued to wallow in my grief. Sure, I was still really sad, and had a hard time getting out of bed most days, but now at least I was making the effort to be happy. I really was. I began and ended each day with listing three things I was planning to do that made me happy, in fact. Charlie appreciated it, I knew. He hardly knew what to do with me when I was sad, and now that I was beginning to make a real effort to get to know him better, I found that he was a good father to me. Before growing stronger for having to deal with my mother's illness, I wasn't sure how we would have gotten along. I was too quiet, then. Too willing to take any abuse dished out to me, and generally uncomfortable with other quiet people. We would have hardly spoken, were I that same girl I used to be. I could do loud, now, and everything in between. Even if I was hurting, I could fake being okay, for my father's sake, and I think he appreciated it.

And Alice, dear Alice, was unbelievably helpful. I didn't know what it was about her, but she could make me smile in two seconds (or two texts, if she chose to forgo the voice call) flat, something no one else could do. She called daily, and texted at any and or all hours of the day or night, depending on her mood, though she sometimes demanded I go to sleep if I tried to stay up too late. I had never known anyone like her, much less had a friend half as wonderful. She was witty and considerate and an outside-the-box thinker, and I was fairly certain that I could talk to her for ten years without stopping and still not get bored.

Jacob called me sometimes too. I had gone with Charlie down to La Push last week, and the two of us had rekindled our childhood friendship surprisingly smoothly. Jacob was great. He was just an all-around cheerful guy, and while he wasn't always very sensitive or socially adept, I enjoyed hanging out with him. He was like my big little brother or a muscle-bound puppy.

His calls never gave me what Charlie had dubbed the 'Alice Grin' however. Charlie always knew who I was talking to or texting because I would grin like an idiot every time Alice was on the other end of my cell. (Or he might be using the fact that I really had few friends to his advantage, but I didn't point that out, not wanting to bruise his detective ego.) It was Alice's superpower, to make people happy, and I couldn't be more grateful to be her victim. The littlest things still reminded me of my mother and dampened my moods immediately, but I didn't succumb to the pain anymore. I cried as I slept, and continued my habit of hiking when I felt upset, but was otherwise beginning to settle in to a new, normal life with few true obstacles.

It wasn't surprising to me that Alice was calling, though I was thrilled regardless.

"That Cullen girl again?" Charlie asked, emerging from his eggs with a grunt and taking in my expression.

"Yes," I answered quickly before accepting the call. "Good morning, Alice," I greeted her. "Couldn't wait to speak with me at a normal human hour?"

_"You're awake, aren't you?" _she shot back by way of greeting. _"Besides, why would I call a 'normal human'? Normal humans are boring."_ She seemed to find this statement terribly funny, because she burst into giggles that were picked up and distorted strangely by the line.

"Touché," I ceded, clearing my plate from the table one-handed and dumping it in the sink. "What's up?"

_"Well, I know it's kind of short notice, but do you have any plans for tonight?" _she asked, speaking a little too quickly and picking up pace to the point of babbling. _"I mean, you don't have to come if you don't want to; it's fine. It's just that my brother Jasper is in Denali and Edward won't talk to me and Rosalie and Emmett are going out on a date and Carlisle is going to be working late so it's just going to be me and Esme and will you please, please, _please_ spend the night?" _she begged.

I blinked. Alice… I had to admit that I was very worried that she was only talking to me because she pitied me, and her pity was something that I did not want. But she had seemed completely sincere, if not slightly nervous, just now, and I was honest enough with myself to admit that I really did want to see her again. I really did want to spend some true face time with her, preferably when I wasn't blubbering like a child. "That sounds great!" I assured her. "Let me just check with my dad, all right? I can't remember if we had plans to go to La Push tonight or not."

_"Give him puppy eyes for me!_" Alice demanded.

"My puppy eyes suck," I admitted. "I can try looking pathetic though. That might work."

Alice scoffed. _"Not having puppy eyes is pathetic enough already,"_ she informed me. _"No need to give the man a heart palpitation by overdoing it."_

I snickered at that, but didn't reply and pulled the phone away from my ear. "Dad?" I asked, leaning up against the counter. He was watching me from the breakfast table with a curious sort of smile. "Alice Cullen invited me over to her house to stay over tonight. Is it okay if I skip going to dinner with you and the Blacks tonight?"

"Jacob will be disappointed," Charlie warned with a smirk.

I just rolled my eyes. "He'll live. I'll make it up to him later," I promised. It was pretty obvious that my new-old friend held more than platonic feelings for me, and that I was clearly uninterested. (He was attractive enough, I suppose, but he just didn't do it for me for whatever reason.) I knew that Charlie found the whole disaster endlessly funny. If I didn't know better, I would theorize that we spent so much time on the reservation for the sole reason that Charlie liked to laugh at my discomfort.

It was nice, laughing with my dad. Neither of us laughed enough.

The man knew that I knew he found it funny, too, and he chuckled at the expression on my face. "Sure, Bells," he told me. "Carlisle is a good man. I'm sure his family will take good care of you for the evening." He sobered suddenly. "And Bells? It's good to see you smiling like this. Tell Alice thank you for that."

With that, he cleared his own plate and left the room. I had to swallow past the lump that had formed in my throat before returning to my conversation. "Alice?"

_"I'm still here, Bella,"_ she answered back. Her voice was slightly thicker than it had been before, but I didn't make much of it.

"It's fine for me to come over," I answered quickly. "What time should I be there?"

The excited squeal that blasted out of the phone's tiny speaker was equal parts painful and amusing. "_Yes!_" Alice cheered. _"I'll pick you up at your house at five, okay?"_

"Okay," I agreed. "Thank you, Alice."

I could feel her megawatt smile from here.

Later that day, at four fifty-nine exactly, found me skulking by the front door, the backpack holding my overnight supplies slung carelessly over one shoulder. I was pacing nervously. I'd spent the entire morning being excited to see Alice, and _now_ I was anxious? It was irritating, but doubts were plaguing me. What if she didn't like hanging out with me in person? What if I had a fit of clumsiness in her house and broke something? What if I woke her up with my nightmares? What if she thought I was pathetic? What if she'd made spaghetti for dinner? I couldn't eat spaghetti in front of her! I'd just end up making a mess of myself, and she'd send me home.

And yes, I was sixteen years old. Seventeen, in two months.

Regression. A natural defense mechanism unconsciously deployed by the ego that causes the subject to regress to an earlier psychosexual stage with lingering unresolved tensions as a response to a stress-inducing stimuli. I suppose that the psychology class the school counselors had suggested I take wasn't all that bad, if I could remember this. I was just thankful I wasn't sucking my thumb.

Five o'clock.

_Klink-clonc!_

I jumped rather violently as the doorbell rang. Alice was here.

Trying to act nonchalant, I opened the door, trying desperately to convey 'Nothing to see here. Just me, freaking out,' with my body language. Honestly. The only other people I really knew in this tiny town were Jacob and a boy I'd met in the camp store, Mike, who texted me sometimes; but I didn't really give a damn what either thought of me. Why did I care so much about Alice? Because she was kind to me, I decided. Because she had a good heart, and because she deserved the best me I could be.

"Isabella!" came the squeal as soon as the door opened to reveal my tiny friend. I didn't catch a good look at her however, other than to register her pretty pale skin (We _must_ be related.) and excitable spiky hair, because she had already cannoned into me and enveloped me in a tight hug.

I couldn't help it, and laughed. "It's nice to see you too, Alice," I snorted, giving her a little squeeze. The girl was rock solid and wintry to the touch, but not unpleasantly so. She still smelled great, too, and I couldn't help but inhale deeply as the tips of her hair tickled my nose.

Alice giggled, almost as if she realized what I was doing, and released me. She had traded her heels for flats, so she was about a half-head shorter than me, but she looked more comfortable for it. She was wearing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans that could have been painted on, a cheerful clingy yellow tank top, and a red leather jacket left open at the front. It was a simple outfit, but she wore it exceptionally well. To put it bluntly, Alice was beautiful, and I made a concerted effort not to stare. I figured she got enough of that anyways.

"So, are you ready to go?" she asked eagerly, twirling a set of keys around one finger and looking so excited I felt a grin stealing over my lips. "I've been getting ready all day! I've got movies and Emmett's Xbox and new nail polish and popcorn!"

"Well it just wouldn't be a proper sleepover without popcorn, would it?" I exclaimed, smirking.

Alice eyed me shrewdly and shrugged, apparently deciding not to bother with a witty comeback. "Well, we can't actually eat any until you get your ass in the car!" she said smugly, snatching my backpack (a green Jansport) from me and high-tailing it outside, where I was shocked to see the ostentatiously expensive yellow Porsche was waiting.

I whistled in appreciation. "Your mom let you drive her car?" I asked, impressed.

Alice tossed her head back and laughed loudly, reminding me of wind chimes. Goodness, this girl practically radiated happiness off of her skin. It washed over me in waves. "That's not Esme's car, silly!" she exclaimed. I thought it odd, how she alternated between 'mom' and 'Esme' when referring to her mother and 'dad' and 'Carlisle' when referring to her father, but she'd explained to me that she and her siblings were all adopted. I thought it was really very good of the couple to take in so many children in need, and I was excited to meet them. I was a little shocked by Alice's next words though. "This is _my_ car!"

My jaw dropped. "Seriously?" I gasped, eyes wide. "It's… It's beautiful."

"It's my baby," she admitted, running a hand over the canary-yellow paint lovingly. The car's appearance really did suit her, now that I was looking.

"I can tell," I hummed amusedly before darting to the passenger-side door and jumping in, fixing her in a wide-eyed, innocent stare. "We gonna split, or what?"

Alice just stuck her tongue out at me and slid into the driver's seat, tossing my bag in the backseat. "Hope you're ready for a bit of fun, my Isabella, 'cause I like to drive fast," she chirped.

And man, she wasn't kidding. Alice drove like an ADHD hummingbird on meth, but remarkably, she never even came close to hitting anything. I didn't know much about cars, but I could spot a good driver when I saw one, and Alice was _great_. Sure, I was terrified out of my mind, but I felt safe enough that I merely blanched and clung to my seatbelt. I didn't scream, or beg for her to slow, and –dare I say it—it was even a little fun, once I overcame my natural fear of death.

The Cullens lived in the middle of bum-freaking-nowhere, but it didn't take long to arrive at our destination with Alice behind the wheel, thoroughly enjoying herself. It wasn't until I saw their house that I realized that the Cullens truly must have more money than they knew what to do with.

It was beautiful. And huge, of course. I gasped, and Alice let out a trilling hum of amusement as she parked the car. It was an architect's wet dream: all windows and artistic corners and beautiful, sloping walls. It made my heart beat faster just looking at it. When my mom was in the hospital, we'd watched a lot of HGTV together. You know, those home-improvement and design shows? After that, I'd really gotten in to interior design in my spare time, mostly because I'd always been good at drawing. Design was a fun way to apply the skill that I never indulged in, because I felt it was wasteful. (I mean, seriously. What use was drawing to anyone?) I hadn't drawn anything since I was seven, but once I started in with design, my mom had wanted to see what I'd done, and I'd picked up the habit again for that reason. I had a whole portfolio of my work back home, to be honest, but I hadn't designed anything new since she'd died. Now though… I was practically salivating at the sight of Alice's home. I couldn't wait to see inside such a beautiful building.

"You like?" Alice asked curiously, looking at me with an expression that was a mixture of fondness and mirth.

I nodded dumbly, my eyes still fixated on the building. "You _live_ here?" I asked with no small amount of incredulity.

Smirking at me, Alice grabbed my bag and hopped out of the car. "Coming, Isabella?"

"Must you call me that?" I groaned, following suit and hauling myself to my feet. Alice was already making her way to the front door, and I was right on her heels.

She turned her head to look back and me, giving me a dazzling smile. "Of course I do, Bella! You have such a pretty name," she cooed. I scowled at her, and she chuckled at me, pulling a house key from her pants pocket and opening the front door to the house.

It was even more beautiful on the inside. The floor plan was lovely and open, the color palette was warm and tasteful, and the furniture and decorations were tastefully modern in such a way that they lent a classic feel to the space. The ceilings were vaulted and had recessed lighting, the floors were a traditional dark hardwood, and the windows –the windows! They were huge and beautiful, and offered nearly panoramic views.

God, I was in love.

"Holy mother of God, Alice, it's beautiful," I whimpered, stuck in a happy memory. "Who did the designs for this room? Is it thematic throughout the whole house? Who chose the drapery for those windows? The texture and color… oh it's so perfectly balanced with the accent wall over there on the left!" I was giddy by this time, having found my way to the center of the room and beginning to spin slowly, trying to absorb it all at once. Alice was just watching me quietly, an unfathomable expression carved onto her fine features.

"That would be me dear," someone said from the side, and I realized that Esme was standing in the archway that led to the kitchen.

My eyes widened impossibly farther. "_You_ designed this, Mrs. Cullen?"

The woman, who I realized was nearly as pretty as Alice, smiled warmly. "Call me Esme, dear: and yes, I most certainly did," she told me.

"I feel the sudden urge to kowtow, but I don't think Alice would ever let me live it down if I followed through," I admitted, (impressively) keeping a straight face.

For a moment, no one moved, then both honey-eyed women laughed fully and brightly, and I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face. "Oh Bella dear," Esme chortled. "I think you and I will get along just fine!"

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_A/N: Any suggestions are more than welcome! As are reviews, which I adore._


	3. Chapter 3: Meeting the Family

_A/N: Thank you for those of you who have shared your ideas. It really helps!_

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Pivotal Moments: Chapter Three  
Meeting the Family

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**Alice POV**

So far as immortals go, I'm not what you could consider old. Still, I was _immortal_. I can't die, save for being killed. I'll just… go on. Some humans –God, _hundreds_ and _thousands_—have spent their entire limited life span seeking what I have. For as long as man has feared death, he has sought immortality, and some people will do anything, _anything_ for it, even if they never succeed. I don't quite know what I find more repulsive: vampires killing humans as the price of their immortality, or _humans_ killing humans in a fruitless quest to seek it. I suppose I empathize with the vampires more. After all, their need isn't something that is their fault. I've killed before. I won't lie to myself and pretend I haven't, but I spend every day of my immortal life trying to make amends for that. Why else would I fight through the pain of my thirst and stick to my 'vegetarian' diet? Carlisle made it look easy, but it wasn't. There is no way to possibly describe the pleasure that the consumption of human blood can bring, especially as I didn't have any memories of human food to compare it to. The bloodlust… it is both a pleasurable and terrible price to pay for living forever, because if there's one thing that's a constant for any living being on this planet, it's that no matter how long you live, you have to live with _yourself_.

_I_ had to live with myself.

Those humans that squander their lives seeking ways to live longer? I would call them fools. You don't live as long as I do and not realize that, while the world is a wonderful place, it's predictable. It's not worth the suffering to live forever. I had seen terrible, terrible things through my years: in humans especially. Lovers, abandoning each other in the face of death. One twin tripping his brother in a futile effort to spare his own life. Children, preying upon their weaker peers like jackals. But I'd also seen wonderful things. I'd seen love strong enough to endure death –a sight so pure that I melted upon witnessing it. It was rare, but it existed, even amongst my own kind. Carlisle and Esme had it, as did Rosalie and Emmet, (though their love was a bit too… loud, for my tastes). I shared familial bonds with each of my coven, and loved each of them dearly. Sometimes, though, it was hard to know that I was going to live forever. That I would never know the blissful innocence of being human. That my life was a series of events –an endless repetition—that would hardly change in theme or color, or that I would never be surprised. Things that were new and rare and beautiful were few and far between, and I had to live with knowing that. I had to live _forever_ knowing that.

It wasn't a wonder that many of our kind went insane. I had my family to thank for my life being the least bit bearable, I knew.

I wasn't prepared for my evening with Isabella Swan.

It was ridiculous. Here I was, one hundred and nine years old, and just seeing the way my Isabella's face was illuminated as she smiled in wonder over something as trivial as the decorations in my house… it made me _happy_. There was a fluttering in my chest, as if a tiny songbird had been trapped within it, as I watched her changing expressions as Esme gave her the grand tour of the house. I had seen terrible things. _Bella_ had seen terrible things. Yet here I was, and here she was, both whole and alive and scabbed over, like tempered steel, and she was smiling and giggling because of me. _Me._ Alice. The messed up little freak vampire who could see the future and was never taken seriously by anybody. _I_ did that for her. Bella was… human. So endearingly human. Pure, in her own way.

God, if Jasper were here, what would he say, knowing I was feeling this way? _I_ didn't even know what I was feeling, much less why, but it was powerful. He would tease me mercilessly, that's for damn sure. I already took enough shit from Edward. (I was pretty glad he had promised to stay in his room or out hunting for the time being.)

After all, this evening was going to be the most fun Bella had had since her mother was diagnosed. She'd told me so. Or at least, she _would_, at any rate.

All of these musings were put on hold as Esme concluded the tour in the hallway outside of my bedroom door, silently allowing me the privilege of showing off my own space, for which I was grateful. "Now, if you don't mind dear, I really must finish up dinner for you and Alice," Esme told Bella, who was listening attentively. "I'll call you two down when it's ready."

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind one ear, the girl smiled shyly. "Thank you Mrs. Cu—er, Esme," she corrected herself, blushing.

It was cute, really.

Esme nodded at us both and swept down the stairs at an agonizingly human speed, and Bella's attention turned back to me as she studied my face intently. "It's really cool that your mom is an interior designer," she told me softly.

I smiled at her and nudged her playfully. "You seem to know quite a bit about the subject yourself, you know," I pointed out, leaning up against my door. It was plain white wood, like all of the other doors, but I had hung a silver cursive 'A' on the front, in case my occupancy wasn't obvious enough. "I think you're her new favorite."

Much to my amusement, Bella blushed even harder. "It's… it's just a hobby of mine," she muttered.

"It's a good hobby to have. Less expensive than shopping, you know." I winked at her and opened my door. "This is my room," I explained, stepping inside and flinging my arms wide in a dramatic gesture. "Tah-dah!"

Bella followed, her eyes tracing over every surface before they returned to me. "It's very you," she laughed. "I like it!"

To be frank, she wasn't wrong. My room, just like all of the rooms of my family, was very big. We all needed our space once in a while, after all, so each of us (or each mated pair, respectively) had our own suite and soundproofed walls. The soundproofing didn't work too well, but it helped a little, and gave us at least the illusion of privacy. I had painted my walls a cool lilac color, and nailed classical white wainscoting to the base. The far wall held a large bay window that I was fond of sitting in, and I had painted the ceiling a very pale blue above the crown molding and pasted little glow-in-the-dark stars in the patterns of my favorite constellations over its entirety. The smooth surface of the hardwood floors was softened with a white area rug, and much of the room was dominated by a beautiful white four-poster bed. I didn't sleep on it, of course, but I did love to lie on it and cuddle up in the fluffy down comforter. It was… nice. I also had a desk and vanity set, but not much else. I liked my space empty and calm.

I stuck my tongue out at my little human friend and darted into the bathroom, where I had already laid out my pedicure set by the bathtub. "I promised you pampering, and I aim to deliver," I declared, giggling at Bella as she eyed the nail polish warily, as if it would bite her. "You will have beautiful nails, even if I have to pin you down to give them to you!"

Thankfully, she acquiesced and allowed me to paint her fingers and toes without much fuss, and by the time Esme called us back down to 'eat', she had even admitted to enjoying the experience, and I had adopted a smug expression before strutting around the bathroom like a peacock.

Sure, it was silly, but I made my Isabella laugh. (I could hear Esme cooing at us from downstairs, but I ignored her.)

Dinner was definitely an interesting affair. It was just the three of us –Bella, Esme, and myself—and so it took quite a bit of maneuvering for Esme and I to appear to be eating. We ended up sitting each on one side of my little human friend and took turns monopolizing her attention. Whichever one of us had escaped her eyes for the moment would hide the food off of her plate with vampiric speed, and while it was a bit awkward, my Isabella was none the wiser. My adoptive 'mother' was simply thrilled that Bella enjoyed the steaks and pasta salad she had prepared (Why the woman liked cooking, I will never understand. Jesus fucking Christ, she was a _vampire_. She didn't even eat!) and was similarly charmed that Bella had such a clear interest in interior design, Esme's favorite pastime. I wasn't entirely joking when I'd told Bella that she was Esme's new favorite child; she really did adore her, and kept cooing over her under her breath so she wouldn't hear. I wasn't sure if I should feel jealous or smug.

Then came the movie. "What do you want to watch?" I asked, practically bouncing over to the cabinet in which we stored our disks. What? I was excited. "We've got just about everything," I pointed out, flinging open the doors.

Bella let out a low whistle. "You weren't kidding!" she snickered. "What did you do, pillage a Blockbusters?"

In hindsight, maybe the shelves upon shelves of DVDs _were_ a bit excessive. Not that Emmett and Jazz could ever bear to hear this, of course. They were, in their own words, connoisseurs of fine cinema. I simply shrugged. "Something like that. My brothers like movies," I offered. "Got any favorites?"

Appearing faintly embarrassed, Bella squeaked out, "Mean Girls?"

I let out a rather unladylike guffaw. It was an oh-so-appropriate choice. Really. I hated adolescents. "Your wish is my command, good lady!" I declared, running a finger along the alphabetized titles (We really did have too much time on our hands.) until I found the appropriate package and lifted it free.

"Do you… do you not like that movie? Because we don't have to watch that movie." Bella was stuttering now, and I turned to her, more than a little amused, and held her liquid brown gaze.

"What color are your pajamas?"

"Uh… blue?" Bella answered back automatically before wrinkling her nose in endearing confusion. "Why?"

"I can only watch movies with people who wear blue pajamas on Fridays," I deadpanned. "Looks like you're cool enough for me." Bella offered me a soft smile, like scarlet velvet sweeping across skin, and I couldn't help but hum happily even as I was nearly floored by a surge of thirst. "Look, why don't you go upstairs and get changed?" I suggested. "I'll pop the disk in and change when you're done."

Bella nodded and tumbled back up the stairs, and I took a deep breath past the agony in my throat. God, she was intoxicating. Her heartbeat, her blushing, the warmth of her body, the skittish way she pressed herself closer to me whenever she felt shy… It was good that she wouldn't return to my side for a few minutes, giving me time to steady myself. I had seen that I wouldn't lose control, but that didn't make it any easier to be so close to her.

Esme was at my side as soon as my Isabella was out of sight, laying a soothing hand on my shoulder that I leaned into almost involuntarily. "I'm proud of you, Alice," she whispered.

I just nodded. "She's special," I commented, eyes still fixated on the stairs. "I feel… connected to her."

"I believe you," Esme soothed me. "I feel it too."

"What do you think of her, Edward?" I asked a little louder, so that my brother could hear me from where he was sulking in his room. He wasn't yet confidant enough in his control to come out with Bella still here, it seemed.

"I can't hear her thoughts," came his faint, frustrated snarl. "Not a thing."

I blinked, shocked. "I seem to have visions of her just fine though…" How could this be? Edward could hear _everybody_.

"Obviously I _can't_ hear everybody," he hissed.

Right. Sorry, Eddie dear.

But humans couldn't do that. They just couldn't. But my Isabella did, and I didn't understand. How was this possible?

She was special. I always knew she was.

Her footsteps echoed on the stairs again, and I broke free of Esme to rush past her on the stairs, grinning, to don the new pajamas I'd bought especially for this occasion. (Any excuse to go shopping, you know.) I would freak out a little more later. After all, stranger things had happened to me than Bella.

* * *

**Bella POV**

It was nice, snuggling into Alice's couch and watching movies with her. We just… clicked. We'd laugh at the same moments in the movie, shoot snarky comments back and forth to each other, and Alice had to be the first of… well, anyone that wasn't my mom, I suppose—that I didn't mind being physically close to. I'd never been the 'hug'-y sort of person. I just didn't like to be touched, and it had only become a more pronounced trait over the past couple of months, but with Alice, I didn't mind. She was just so vibrant and full of life, it seemed a crime not to let her live through touch. I liked her hugs, anyways. They were warm, even if she was cold.

After 'Mean Girls' came 'Ferris Bueller 's Day Off' and 'The Princess Bride', and the couch in the family room that we had camped out on now looked like more of a war zone than anything else, which I did feel bad about. Fluffy throw blankets were everywhere, along with various game boards (Alice was a big fan of multitasking.) and, of course, our own sprawled-out bodies. I was dressed in my favorite old pair of blue fuzzy sleep shorts and a white tank top while, by contrast, Alice made the picture-perfect adorable rich girl in a black silk sleep suit. She was a cuddler, when she wasn't up and moving or otherwise distracted; almost like a kitten.

At the moment, I was definitely feeling my previous sleepless nights and getting pretty drowsy. Esme had long since stopped over to wish us good night. The 'Princess Bride' was almost over (Prince Dickhead was currently being threatened by Wesley at swordpoint –"I'll mess up your face, blah-blah-blah") and my eyelids were drooping. Alice was curled up in my side, and I almost thought she was asleep until she stirred and sat up, fixing me with beautiful liquid gold eyes. (I could admit to myself that I found them enchanting.) "Can I brush your hair?" she asked, producing a brush from God-knows-where and touching her own spiky hair self-consciously. "Mine's too short to really play with, and your hair is just so pretty…"

I nodded sleepily and scooted myself off the edge of the couch cushion so that I was sitting on the floor and Alice had better access to my hair. "Feel free. Better you than me, yeah?"

My friend let out a happy little squeal and immediately plunged her hands into my locks, gently massaging my scalp before beginning to work out the knots at the ends of my hair with the brush. I couldn't disguise a shiver of pleasure as she did so, and her hands (tipped with pink nail polish that she insisted on wearing, to match mine) immediately froze. "Are my hands too cold? Did I pull too hard?" she asked anxiously. "I'm sorry!"

"Of course not!" I giggled, now more than a little embarrassed. I was glad she couldn't see my face, as it was heating up. "It just feels pretty good when you do that."

Alice let out a small sigh of relief, and her hands resumed their motions. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I just wanted to make sure I wasn't hurting you or anything."

I hummed and shivered again, closing my eyes as Alice ran her fingers through my hair a few times before attacking a new area with the brush. "You're being perfectly gentle, don't worry," I sighed. "My mother used to do this for me, before she got sick."

Slowing her brushing, but thankfully not ceasing the motion, Alice sucked in a tiny breath, and the tension in the darkness of the room thickened. "Do you want me to stop?" she asked in a tiny voice that was very unlike her. I had never really heard her sound uncertain before. I felt a very sudden and powerful rush of emotion then, and I realized that I just wanted to make Alice feel better. She was always so kind to me, I just couldn't stand the thought of her being even slightly unhappy.

"No, I want you to continue," I murmured. I still hadn't opened my eyes. "I trust you."

Alice didn't reply, but I knew she was happy, and this made _me_ happy. She continued her ministrations with the brush, and I was soon so relaxed that I didn't feel like much more than a puddle of Bella-mush. It was… wonderful, and perfect, and I could have stayed that way forever, just listening to Alice's soft breathing and feeling her fingers gently scrape over my scalp.

Unfortunately and inevitably, I fell asleep, right there on the floor. I knew this because I was dreaming. I had always dreamed vividly, and had always remembered my dreams, but the true nightmares hadn't started until my mother had died. They weren't nightmares in the traditional sense, with shadowed figures and monsters and horror, but nightmares in the very real sense to me. I suppose after Renee had died, I was afraid. Afraid of being unloved, of being alone. Afraid of all the people that had left me in my life. I watched, in my dreams, as the people I loved walked away from me one by one, no amount of begging or pleading convincing them to stay. I was always so small. Just five, the age I had been when my parents had separated and I no longer lived with Charlie.

Daddy issues? I'd say yes. He was always first to walk away.

I always cried.

This followed by the first friend I'd made in Phoenix, Tristan. He'd started hating me as soon as he realized that I wasn't 'cool'. Then my first boyfriend, who'd cheated on me and left. He walked away too. Then the second boyfriend. (I hadn't dated after that.) Then came Phil, the man who I'd been so close to accepting as a surrogate father figure, and who had left as soon as the going got tough.

Then my mother.

I dreamed this every night, because I couldn't handle it during the day. I didn't want to think about being alone.

I shot straight up with a gasp, familiar tears streaming down my face, only to become hugely disoriented. Where was I? This wasn't my bed. This wasn't even my _house_. My heart thundered against my ribcage, and I gasped a few short, strained breaths.

"Bella?" a sleepy little voice sounded out.

Alice. _Alice_. I was at her house. I remembered now, though not how I'd somehow been transported up the stairs and into her bedroom. I suppose it didn't matter though. It was still dark out. I shouldn't be up.

"I –I'm sorry, Alice," I whimpered, curling up underneath the sheets of Alice's bed. I knew it was Alice's bed because it smelled just as impossibly divine as she did: like butterscotch and vanilla and jasmine. I buried my face in the pillow my head had been resting on and inhaled. It was calming. "Bad dreams. Go back to sleep."

Cloth rustled and suddenly, Alice was lying closer to me, her face inches from mine. "Can I help?" she asked sadly.

I shook my head. She really couldn't. They were my issues to face, not hers. I wouldn't burden such a sweet girl with the dreams that only I could resolve. _I_ needed to come to terms with them, and Alice could never fight _my_ insecurities. "I have to face my own fears, or I'll never stop being afraid," I offered in explanation.

Alice seemed to understand this, at least, and smiled at me sadly. I could barely make out her face in the dark. With one shockingly cold thumb, she brushed my cheeks free of tears before snuggling into my side and looping her arm around my waist. "Goodnight, Isabella," she sighed, closing her eyes.

I closed my eyes as well. "You too, Alice."

For the remainder of that night, I didn't dream again.

I woke up to the sound and smell and feel of Alice for the first time that morning. "Wake up, Bella dear," she giggled as she ran a cool hand over my sleep-flushed cheek.

Blearily, I forced my eyes open and blinked groggily once or twice, the input from my retinas not quite reaching my brain, before I decided that waking up wasn't really worth the effort and curled back into the fluffy down pillow I was sprawled over. "I don't wanna…" I groaned, pressing my face into the sheets, as if they could protect me from my tormentor.

Alice wasn't giving up though, and started poking me gently in the side since I'd hidden my face from her. "Come on, it's ten thirty already!" she whined. I didn't have to see her face to know she was pulling the irresistible pout I'd already become familiar with. "Esme won't save your breakfast forever, you know."

Well _that_ caught my attention. I hadn't realized it was so late. I had slept very well, and after waking only the once, I hadn't done so again, which was more than I could say for any other night in the past week. This knowledge left me in a particularly good mood, though my stomach threatened to ruin it for me. "Breakfast? Food?" I asked hopefully, looking up at Alice who was leaning over me, already up and impeccably dressed.

I decided right then and there that it should be illegal to look that good in the morning. I mean, sure I was well aware that Alice was devastatingly beautiful in a way that made my mouth run dry whenever she smiled at me, but it was too early for this, and it just wasn't _fair_. I wrinkled my nose at her and sat up.

"You're cute when you're sleepy," Alice informed me, tapping the end of my nose with one cold fingertip and dancing away when I swatted at her, disgruntled. She didn't stop there, however, and managed to aim well enough that the folded towel she snatched up and threw at me scored a direct hit on my face. I gasped dramatically, feeling betrayed, but Alice simply pointed to the door to her bathroom. "Go shower," she instructed. "I'll make sure Esme keeps some heat on your breakfast."

Grumbling, but not daring to object, I did as instructed and stumbled into the bathroom (My coordination leaves something to be desired, most mornings.) where I immediately made for the hot water tap. The bathroom, like the rest of the house, was beautiful, and the frosted glass panes and pebblestone accents of the shower appealed to me almost as much as the thought of being clean did. I sang softly as the soothing heat of the water rushed over my skin. Who could blame me? It felt nice, and the acoustics were always excellent in showers anyways (meaning I sounded less like a dying cat and more like a human). I sang 'Drops of Jupiter' and hummed the instrumental accompaniment to myself. I just felt happy here. Alice, I would freely admit, was the best friend I had ever had to date, even if I hadn't known her for very long. I could hardly believe how lucky I was that she liked me too. Esme was wonderful as well, even if she did bear a slight resemblance to my own mother. If Alice's superpower was making people happy, Esme's was unconditional love. The way she looked at me… I just _knew_ she loved me, even if I couldn't understand why.

Alice had told me that I would get to meet the rest of her family today, excepting for her brother Jasper, who was still visiting his girlfriend in Alaska. I could only hope that they were just as wonderful as my friend and her mother were, though I found it hard to picture otherwise.

Cranking off the water, I stepped out of the shower and bundled myself in the towel. I knew why Alice smelled like jasmine now. It was her shampoo. I smelled like jasmine now too.

The clothes I wore in Phoenix weren't really suited for Washington, but I had yet to go shopping. I was wearing my last acceptable outfit –red skinny jeans and a cream-colored sweater—in, I'll admit, an effort to impress Alice and her family. My mother had always told me to look nice when I wanted people to think well of me, and I was fairly confidant that I could pull off 'not a total grunge' without too much trouble.

The smell of breakfast sausage practically had me sprinting down the stairs, hair still dripping, and I skidded rather gracelessly on the tile floor into the kitchen. "I'm awake now, I promise. _Please _don't let Alice throw away my breakfast!" I squealed at Esme, seeing that Alice was hovering innocently over the meal that was left out on the island for me. Esme was at the sink, rinsing off some dirty dishes. It seemed that the others had eaten before I did.

Poorly smothered laughter alerted me to the fact that Alice and Esme and I were not alone in the kitchen, however. Sheepishly, I turned, very much aware of the red mottling my cheeks as I blushed. Lounging about the kitchen were three people I'd never seen before, but were so breathtakingly beautiful that they could only be members of the Cullen family. Closest to me was a blonde man who looked a little older than Esme. He wore professional clothes and his hair was slicked back. I assumed that this was Dr. Cullen, and quickly turned my attention to the next newcomer to capture my attention. Leaning against the island and poking at a piece of bread like it was an alien object was a boy who was absolutely _huge_. He was well over six feet tall and layered with thick bands of muscle. His smile was incorrigibly boyish, however, and he had a curly shock of messy black hair on top of his head that only reinforced this image. He didn't exude the calm that Dr. Cullen did, but rather a playful energy that made me feel wakeful. Since Jasper was still in Alaska, so far as I knew, I assumed this to be either Emmett or Edward. The last occupant of the room was a young woman lounging at the small breakfast table, studiously inspecting her nails in a bored sort of way. She was, you could say, the definition of a 'bombshell blonde'. She was _beautiful._ Her complexion was just as flawless as that of the rest of her family (Seriously. What vitamins was Esme feeding them?) and she shared their warm honey-gold eyes, but her facial features were what I could only describe as aristocratic. Her body was perfectly proportioned –she was wearing shorts, and her legs went on for _miles_—and her hair looked like spun gold. To be honest, I could have stared at her for hours, but I made sure to keep my eyes in check and look away from her quickly, so as not to seem rude. Rosalie (I knew this must be Rosalie, because Alice only had one sister) most likely had to suffer unwelcome attention day in and day out, with as beautiful as she was, and I wasn't about to act like some hormone-driven idiot. Alice adored her, and as far as I was concerned, anyone Alice adored deserved my respect. Besides, blondes weren't my type, regardless of gender.

"Uh… hello," I squeaked at Dr. Cullen, who was chuckling at my… unusual, entrance of skidding across the floor. "I'm Bella."

"Carlisle," the man introduced himself, offering me his hand. I shook it without hesitation. His hands were cold, like Alice's were. "I do hope that my little Alice has been taking care of you?"

Said little Alice stuck her tongue out at her father. "She's still in one piece!" she defended, causing me to snicker.

The large boy let out a laugh that boomed rather loudly, and I fixed him with a wide-eyed stare. "I'm Emmett," he offered, tossing the bread slice he'd been prodding (God knows why) to the side. "Sorry to have missed you last night, but Rose and I got in late," he explained nodding at the blonde. She was watching us quietly, and offered me a single nod in greeting.

"That's okay, Emmett," I said, hopping up onto the barstool and accepting the loaded plate that Esme handed me with a smile. "Alice kept me company just fine."

The boy smirked. "I'm sure she did."

I wasn't quite sure why Rosalie laughed so loudly at that, but I decided that it didn't matter.

After breakfast, I decided that I should probably go. It wasn't that I wasn't having a wonderful time, which I was, but… I needed quiet, I supposed. I needed time to gather myself. To collect my thoughts and breathe slowly. I couldn't be more grateful for having been allowed this time with Alice, but I needed the space. The Cullens (aside from Edward and Jasper, whom I hadn't met and therefore couldn't speak for) were wonderful, kindhearted people, and even Rosalie as the least 'nice' was very polite, if distant. It was almost a little overwhelming, to be perfectly honest. It might have been easier if they hated me. I could have gone home then, and wallowed in my own misery, but when I looked at Alice, and the way she smiled at me, I knew I couldn't. She smiled so beautifully. I couldn't forget how she had held me in the night when I had cried.

Breakfast was fun. Emmett told me jokes whenever he could drag me attention away from Alice's tinkling laughs or Esme's quick wit or Carlisle's intelligent commentary, and everyone waved cheerfully as I was led out the front door. I had Alice take me home, in her beautiful yellow Porsche. We sang along with the radio as obnoxiously as we could manage, and by the time we pulled up to the driveway, I was laughing so hard it hurt. I climbed out onto the sidewalk, only to find that Alice was faster than me and was already standing near my front door, looking at me with soft eyes. "I'm really glad you came, Isabella," she sighed as I hurried over to her side and dug for the house key under the welcome mat. "I don't think I've had that much fun in years, really."

I squirmed in place, reddening slightly. "I… I haven't either," I admitted. It was true. Being friends with Alice made me feel like nothing I had ever experienced. "You're… probably the best friend I've had in years, so we're even." I looked at my feet. Did I say that out loud? Apparently, yes.

I could swear that the sun just ignited inside of my friend and was bursting from her pores. I could literally _feel_ her smile. "Really?" she breathed, bouncing a little on the balls of her booted feet.

With a hesitant smile, I met her eyes. "Really," I confirmed.

Alice emitted an adorable squeak of happiness and tackled me in a surprisingly strong hug. "We can do this again, right?" she begged.

I nodded into her hair with a small giggle. "Yes, Alice. I'd love to."

"Next Friday?"

"Of course!"

"Shopping on Wednesday, too?"

I drew back from the hug and wrinkled my nose. "Shopping?" I asked incredulously.

I was immediately blasted with Alice's pout. "You'll come with me, right? Please?" she whined. "No one ever wants to come with me. We'll drive up to Port Angeles. Not even the big mall in Seattle!"

Oh God, how could I say no to her? "Fine," I sighed.

The squeal and hug were repeated. "I'll text you with details, but I'll see you Wednesday, okay?"

"I wouldn't dream of missing it, Alice dear," I crooned teasingly.

The girl just grinned and gave me an excited peck on the cheek. Or, what _would_ have been just an excited peck on the cheek if it weren't for the startling electric tingles that suddenly raced over the entirety of my body the instant her cold lips made contact with my skin. It felt like… like that rush of warmth you feel when you bite into a warm, gooey cookie, only _more_. I took a hissing intake of breath and shuddered lightly. I could feel a tremor run through Alice's body as well, and she pulled away rather quickly, her pink lips parted in surprise, but recovered quickly. "Sorry," she muttered, not quite meeting my eyes. "I'm a bit excitable. Go through your closet so you know what you need before we go to the mall, all right?"

It took a moment for my brain to connect to my ears, process what was said, and form a response to direct to my mouth. You never really think about how much work your brain has to do until it cops out on you. What the _hell_ had just happened? I wasn't sure, but Alice seemed to be perfectly fine. "Um, yeah. Can't go shopping without maximum efficiency, right?"

Alice hummed happily and ran a free hand through her spiky hair. "Exactly."

And then she was gone.

* * *

_A/N: So, whatcha think? I do hope I'm not moving too quickly, but that last moment there, with the kiss on the cheek, will be important later. I'm impatient for Bellice, but also really want it to evolve naturally. Gah! I just keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the end._


	4. Chapter 4: Selfish

_A/N: So, yep. Here I am._

* * *

Pivotal Moments: Chapter Four  
Selfish

* * *

**Alice POV**

Dear God, I'm fucked. _Fucked_. Like, tied up naked to a flagpole without an ounce of Vaseline in sight, fucked.

I was still very proud of myself, though, for keeping calm and not immediately shrieking out my panic and bolting, leaving poor Isabella alone and confused. I was able to drive away in a socially acceptable, and human, way.

_Then_ came the panicking.

I pulled over to the side of the road once I had reached a secluded area, parked my car, and raced into the forest at top speed, not really caring where I was going. "Oh God oh God oh God oh God…"

It had never happened to me before, but I knew what it had meant. The tingles that had raced through my body as soon as I had kissed my Isabella on the cheek… I was under no delusions about it, but I had never heard of this happening with a human before; and I was terribly aware of the fact that Bella was all too human. It literally hurt to be too close to her, but I hadn't been able to stop myself, especially last night when she woke in the middle of the night whimpering and crying. I was so terrified for her in that moment, but she had fallen blissfully quiet when I held her, her heartbeat and breathing slowing to a steady, soothing rate. I held her, even though it hurt. I felt… tender.

I am a fucking vampire. We don't do tender.

But now I knew why I felt that way. It was because of the tingles. Or rather, what the tingles represented.

It meant that, if I continued to see her… to touch her… to speak with her… to _think_ about her… she _could,_ one day, be my mate. My mate. A fucking _human_! Her being my friend was one thing, but my mate? Was that even possible?

Vampires don't find life partners the way humans do. How could we? We mate for life, after all, and _our_ lives equate to eternity. No, our mate bonds are special. Once fully formed, that was it for us. But it isn't so much that 'love at first sight' bullshit, and though we _do_ feel an instant connection to a potential mate, should we meet one, the mating bond takes time to form. We have to _feel_ it. Then, we have to nurture the love that is born of it, just like any mortal, but the love that eventually comes to fruition is so much _more_ than mortal. It is so much more powerful than any mortal could hope to achieve.

What I had just experienced with Bella? The tingles that had raced down my spine and pooled in my stomach in such an exhilarating way? That was the beginning of the mate bond. And I hadn't seen this coming. At all. That was why I was currently crashing through the forest in a blind panic, like a tiny enraged bull. I don't take surprises well.

I had been alone for so very, very long. I had hoped for something like this to happen for so very, very long. I should be happy that my friendship with this girl had the potential to become something more, but I wasn't. I was _scared_. It didn't bother me in the least that Bella was a girl. Most vampires were bisexual anyways, given the fact that we are sensual creatures by nature and that no children could come out of a union of any gender combination regardless. No, what bothered me was the fact that Bella was a human. That never, and I mean _never,_ happened. (Of course, that_ might _have something to do with the fact that most vampires were never in close enough contact with humans to do more than kill them, much less put in the time and effort to form a close bond with them. My family and I were weird that way.) Still, if I decided to pursue the relationship with this girl… I could be considered borderline masochistic. Not only would I be in constant physical pain whenever I was near her, but I could kill her by accident far too easily. I had excellent control, but it would only take one slip-up. Just one. The mere thought of that made my gut clench in protest.

I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her. My Isabella. I cared too much about her.

And there was the kicker. I wanted this. I wanted _her_. More than anything. I had the choice of furthering the mate bond, of course. We all had a choice. Either one or both of us could walk away if we wanted to, and one day, I might be lucky enough to kindle a new mate bond with someone else. But I couldn't let her go. I knew this before even trying. It took strong feelings by both parties for the mate bond to even manifest itself, and at this point, I was too far gone.

Hence, fucked. I was fucked.

Because I just _had_ to go to her, once I'd seen her in my first vision. I'd been so excited to have what I thought would be a best friend. Best friend? Yeah right.

With a distressed, keening howl, I fell to my knees amongst the tree roots and began pummeling the ground in my frustration. Why me? I adored Bella, I really did, but why was I the vampire cursed with a human as a potential mate? Why? I didn't know how to feel about this at all. At _all_. I just… wanted to be loved. I wanted to give love and be loved and share love and be happy, and I could really see myself having that with my Isabella, except… she was human, and so young, and so broken. For God's sake, she still couldn't look Esme in the eyes! It was like I had spent nearly a century wandering alone in the dark, and when I could finally see the figurative light, it was in the center of Fort fucking Knox, dancing around naked and waving a sign that says 'Catch me if you can, fool!'

_Not_ a pleasant start to my day, let me tell you.

I shuddered and let loose a dry, quiet sob. I generally enjoyed being a vampire. I was strong and fast and beautiful and had unparalleled senses. I couldn't cry though. I couldn't even remember what it felt like, but I envied humans for having the release of tears, especially at times like these. I just wanted to _cry_.

Still, I couldn't, and never would, so I figured that it wasn't doing me any good to just sit here. Standing slowly, I turned and trudged back to where I'd left the car. It took me quite a bit longer to walk back than it had to run out, but I was moving without real purpose –on autopilot. I wasn't really paying attention when I threw the Porsche into drive, nor did I really see the road before me until I exited the vehicle and just stood there, staring at the front door of my family's home. Microscopic cracks were running up the paint on the wood. I should tell Esme. She'd want to apply a fresh coat.

Edward was suddenly in front of me, blocking my vision. "Alice?" he asked, concerned. He didn't always call me Alice. Sometimes, he called me 'Little Freak'. He was the only one who could call me that, because I knew he didn't mean it. I felt like the others should start calling me 'Little Freak' now, though, because that was what I was; the tiny little future-seeing vampire with the spiky hair and the obsession with clothes and the human for her mate.

Edward hissed in a sharp breath, his sharp eyes widening a fraction. "Alice? Are you… are you sure?"

I let out a strangled noise and replayed the memory in my mind's eye for my brother's viewing pleasure. My happiness, my affection for this girl, my innocent kiss to the cheek that had sparked a surge of feeling within me as the bond was kindled… Bella had felt it too, judging by the surprised gasp she had let escape from her lips. Oh _God_. What was I going to do? Silently, I wrapped my arms around my brother and hugged him to me, pretending just for a moment that he could take my pain and confusion away and just leave my happiness at having found someone that I could choose to be mated to.

Indulging me, Edward scooped me up into his arms like a child and turned to the house. "Carlisle!" he called out, his voice surprisingly calm. "Family meeting. Now."

I allowed myself to be carried inside and deposited onto the couch as the rest of my family began to appear in the living room one by one until all (save Jasper, who was _still_ with the damned Denali coven, macking on his girlfriend) were present. I was… dazed. Esme, ever the caring soul, was immediately by my side, stroking my face soothingly and cooing, "Alice, darling, what is it? Did you have a vision? Did something happen when you took Bella home?"

I took an unnecessary breath and opened my mouth to answer, but Edward beat me to the punch. He always had been impatient. "Alice felt a mate bond with Bella!" he blurted.

I glared at him. Way to break it to them gently.

Predictably, Esme and Emmett froze in place, Rosalie hissed dangerously, and Carlisle just looked intrigued. Live with people for a few decades and they start to be come predictable, visions notwithstanding.

Speaking of, the future was in complete disarray. No one could decide what to do. Move away? Kill the human? Change the human? Ignore the human? Encourage Alice to pursue the human? My visions were performing like a cheerleading squad with tourettes. It wasn't going well.

Rosalie and Edward in particular were conflicted. It was an unspoken truth that if I were to ever have a successful relationship with my Isabella, she would one day be changed, and the both of them hated what they were with surprising passion. Hated that they were vampires –for different reasons, of course, but the idea was the same. Neither wanted to see the girl lose her humanity, and would fight against her being changed, but neither wanted to see _me_ unhappy either. They said nothing.

It was Emmett, like always, who broke the ice. "Some fresh girl-on-girl action? Hawt!" he exclaimed into the silence, clapping his meaty hands together in excitement. I wasn't sure if Esme's reprimand or Rosalie's slap was louder, but Emmett didn't lose his grin, and slowly, my lips twitched into a small smile as well. My big brother always did know how to make me feel better.

"You're just jealous because I'm hotter than you, and now you have no choice but to admit it," I shot back weakly.

And just like that, the tension in the room evaporated. I felt better.

"What are you going to do, Alice?" Rosalie asked softly, leaving Emmett's side and sitting next to me, pulling my hands into hers, her eyes riveted to my face.

I bit my lip and met my sister's gaze. "I don't know, but I don't think I can stay away from her," I admitted softly. "I like her a lot, Rosie. What if… what if I could love her, just as easily?" I hadn't had as much fun in years than I had had during my simple sleepover with Bella. She and I just clicked. I could see how the mate bond was able to form.

"She's a human, Ali," Rosalie reminded me without malice. She was so protective. She could be a bitch sometimes, but she only ever did what she felt would protect her family. Me. I was part of her family.

It still hurt though, what she said. I wanted to cry again, but settled for a tiny wail instead. "What if I hurt her, Rosie?" I cried, squeezing her hands. "I want to love her, but what if I can't?"

Instantly, I was an Alice-sandwich, crushed between Esme and Rosalie while Carlisle laid a hand on my shoulder. This was a big deal. I'd never found anyone that I could form a mate bond with before, or even anyone I was truly interested in before. I mean, sure Jasper and I had made a short go of it for a decade or two, but it was more blowing off steam than anything. They all knew this, and were constantly pestering Edward (the only other single member of our family) and I to hurry up and find mates already. Except that now that I had, she was a human. I couldn't just up and change her though. She'd hate me, for one. I'd never change her without her express permission, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't know if the bond worked two ways when one of its members was human. (And an emotionally shattered human at that.) I didn't know if Bella even liked me in a romantic sense.

Great. Even my love life was turning out to be a clusterfuck.

It wasn't Bella's fault, though. The poor thing hadn't the faintest clue as to what I was, and what kind of feelings I suddenly harbored for her. In a way, I was glad that she had the potential to be my mate. She was kind and intriguing and beyond pretty, and even though I'd only known her for a few short weeks, I couldn't seem to get enough of her. I couldn't really imagine my mate as anyone else.

"She's not ready for this," I sighed into Rosalie's shoulder, unhappy. "She's not ready for that kind of relationship so soon after everything that's happened to her."

"Your feelings matter too, Alice," Edward growled from somewhere outside of the huddle.

I pulled away from my mother and sister and looked at him evenly. That was my brother, always trying to help. He couldn't help this time, though. "Yes, they do," I agreed. "But I can also wait. I've waited almost a hundred years, so what's a few more months? Besides," I added, cutting off Rosalie's protective growl. "No one said I can't be her best friend in the meantime. She needs one of those more than anything else right now anyways." It would be difficult, but I could do it. After my initial panic wore off, I was starting to think more clearly. I wasn't going to let a little thing like Bella being food hold me back from possibly gaining a mate, and thereby gaining eternal happiness. I was Alice Cullen. I was going to kick romance's ass.

"I'm proud of you, Alice," Carlisle told me gently when Edward looked like he wanted to argue. "Out of all of us, you'll be the one to take such a difficult situation and make it work."

I grinned sheepishly. "At least my life is never boring," I offered.

My family just laughed softly. They were worried, and I was too, but I held out hope. I hadn't seen it yet, but maybe with Bella, I could one day be truly happy. I could be her friend for as long as she needed me, and maybe, one day, she'd see me as something more. It was all I could ask for.

I curled up in my mother's lap and hummed softly. My family made me happy.

* * *

**Bella POV**

I had always handled pain by shutting down, ever since I was a child. Charlie says that when I was four, before my parents split, our dog Sandy died, and I didn't speak for two weeks. It was just how I operated. I think that he was afraid I wouldn't be more than a zombie for months after my mother died, and if it weren't for my best friend, I'd be afraid of that too.

But I learned a few things as the weeks of summer passed. Alice was a wonderful friend, and hardly a day passed when we weren't together. Shopping with her was an ordeal, I'll admit, but I liked how it made her happy, so I made a point of driving with her to one of the malls in Port Angeles or Seattle at least once a week. Every Friday, I'd sleep over at Alice's house, and the Cullens soon became my second family, of sorts. Emmett was a riot, Edward and Rosalie were quiet and distant, and Jasper (when he finally came back) was a perfect gentleman, and fun to hang around with. I read quite a few of Carlisle's books, which while dry, were always interesting, and Esme always seemed utterly delighted to cook dinner for me. I _couldn't_ shut down. I _couldn't_ continue to be nothing more than a wind-up toy when Alice smiled at me like she did. I couldn't let them down. Charlie saw this, and was soon practically worshipping the ground the Cullens walked on.

The pain of loss is crushing. There were days that I didn't get out of bed. But one day, I woke up. I took a good, hard look at myself and I asked, 'Am I the best me that I can be? Would Momma be proud of who I am? Of how I'm living my life? Am I the friend that Alice deserves?' On that day, I realized that I couldn't be a child with my grief: that I couldn't be selfish and hurt Charlie and the others with how miserable I could sometimes be.

Grief is such a _selfish_ thing. It isn't empathy. It is a one-sided pain that spreads like a sickness, dressed in the rags of compassion and love, and it is all-consuming. Grief doesn't exist for the dead. It can't bring them back. It is the selfish wish to recover what has been forever lost, and it feeds off of those left behind because they are helpless, and can't prevent it. The living have no understanding of death. They see it at two sides of the same coin –there one moment, gone the next—like two-dimensional figures unable to understand that a world exists in three. Death is a part of life, but it is an experience that everyone must undergo alone, and that makes it frightening. Just like grief. It's hard to be left alone, just like it is hard to _be_ alone.

"_Who would fardels bear,_

_to grunt and sweat under a weary life,_

_But that the dread of something after_

_death,_

_The undiscover'd country from whose_

_bourn_

_No traveler returns, puzzles the will_

_And makes us rather bear those ills we_

_have_

_Than fly to others that we know not of?"_

I had quoted this to Alice, once, when she asked if I still cried at night when I was alone. I loved Shakespeare: the way the words coiled and shimmered before flowing forth in speech like a river of quicksilver.

I didn't understand my own grief for a very long time, or how the fear of death was its mate. I couldn't heal if I was bleeding. I couldn't see, because grief is like a fog that clings to you and makes everything else seem so very far away. No matter how fast you run, it streams out behind you. It's impossible to escape until someone takes you by the hand and leads you through it. I can see that now. Somewhere along the way, it had stopped hurting so badly, and scabbed over.

I had Alice to thank for that. Sometimes, Charlie said he hardly recognized the person I'd grown into since I'd arrived. He said that he was proud of me, because I learned to come through hardship, and how to smile even when all I wanted was to cry.

Alice said she was proud of me too. I believed her.

Stepping out of Alice's Porsche in the parking lot on the first day of school, I pondered on my best friend. The summer I had spent with her, despite everything, had been the best summer of my life. Ever since that moment weeks ago after our first sleepover, when those strange tingles had raced through my body at Alice's kiss on the cheek, something within our friendship had… shifted. I couldn't quite place the change, but it was there. Maybe it was in the way that our silences sometimes felt so charged, or in the way that Alice sometimes looked at me with an unfathomable expression, or even in the way that I sometimes craved her touch for no apparent reason. It was… strange. I always felt calm and safe when with Alice. She and her family were strange too; they hardly ate anything, were constantly as cold as a cheerleader's ass, were absurdly energetic and athletic and attractive, smelled delightful, their eyes changed color, and sometimes they threw me these funny looks, as if they were waiting for something from me. Alice herself zoned out all the time, and was always right about _everything_. Like, _all _the _time._ I didn't care though. Alice could suddenly announce that she was Princess Qzebethlexhed of the Martian People and I wouldn't care.

That was probably why I was so surprised and depressed when Alice had told me in the car that I probably shouldn't eat lunch with her and her family. When she'd seen the horrified expression on my face, she'd quickly explained that her family wasn't exactly popular at school, and that I should try to make some other friends too. Aside from my skepticism of the idea that _anyone_ could anything but adore Alice, I understood, but I was still unhappy. I'd only agreed to try and make new friends at lunch when she'd given me the puppy eyes. I could never resist the puppy eyes, and Alice knew it, too.

So, it was my first day at Forks High. I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"It'll be fun, you'll see," Alice assured me, holding the door to her car open for me and helping me out. No matter how fast I tried to open the car door, Alice was always faster. It was one of those things about her that I ignored.

I scowled at her, shouldering my messenger bag. God forbid I bring anything so unfashionable and practical as a backpack. Alice would keel over on the spot. "I don't think you quite understand the concept of High School, Ali," I grumbled. "It sucks. Always."

Alice threw her arms around me in a hug. "Even when you're in class with _me_?" she gasped in mock offense.

"Well…" I drew out, putting on a shit-eating grin. Sure enough, Alice drew back and scowled adorably at me.

"Bint!" she accused.

"Kidding, Alicat," I cooed, using Emmett's nickname for his little sister, knowing it irked her. "I could never hate class if you're there to help me goof off."

For a moment, Alice appeared indecisive, her face flickering, before finally settling on smug satisfaction. "And don't you forget it, Isabella!" she instructed, poking me in the shoulder.

I giggled and grabbed her hand. We set off across the parking lot together, but thankfully didn't draw too many stares, as it was raining and people were scurrying indoors very quickly. Schedules were being passed out in the cafeteria, so we headed there first, standing in line and looking curiously over the heads of our classmates. Well, I did, at least. Alice, it seemed, couldn't care less where they were and who they were with, and stood near me, humming to herself and picking invisible flecks off of her designer clothes. It was adorable.

Forks High wasn't any different than any other high school. It was bland and shabby and struck fear into the hearts of teenagers everywhere with its beige color scheme and scrappy landscaping and broken benches. It smelt of pencils and cheap perfume and sweat and years of mud, and in an odd sort of way, the dull roar of the student body was a comforting sound. I had practically grown up in environments just like this one, after all. I was glad to see that Alice had dressed me well, though. She had taken Rosalie and I with her on her annual back-to-school torture –I mean, shopping—trip, and had promised that my clothes would be nice enough to scream 'style' but not over-the-top in a way that would bring me any attention I didn't want. I felt pretty next to the other kids in my dark-wash jeans and asymmetrical sweater, which was a nice thing to feel considering I was starting as the new girl this year.

That, and everybody knew my name, and why I was here. Three minutes into the day and I was already sick of the pitying looks.

"You'd think they'd have something better to stare at," I grumbled to Alice as a student government member handed my class schedule to me. Together, we began ambling towards the doors, outside of which the rain was still pouring.

Alice just winked one of her big golden eyes at me. "It's only because you're beautiful. They're only human, you know. They can't help themselves." She was giggling like this was some sort of inside joke.

Scowling at her through my reddened cheeks, I snatched her schedule from her hands and ran my eyes over it in disapproval. "We've got third hour art, fifth hour trig, and sixth hour gym together," I announced.

"I'll still walk you to your first hour class," Alice offered, pushing open the door so that we could step outside. It was cold, and I shivered lightly. "Esme will have my head if I let you get lost."

I smiled happily. "Sure, Alice, that'd be—" I shrieked then, as I was suddenly lifted into the air and thrown over a broad shoulder. "_Emmett_!" I howled. "You put me down, right now!"

My large friend laughed his booming laugh, and I could feel his shoulder shaking from where it was pressed into my belly. "No way, Bellsie!" he protested. "You and I have first period European History together! You and me and Jazz, that is. You're coming with me!"

As if to prove his point, he tightened his grip on my waist, and no matter how I squirmed, I couldn't budge him. He was a hulk, sure, but man was he strong. "Alice!" I whined helplessly as I was toted across campus like a sack of potatoes. She was walking behind Emmett so that I could see her face as she laughed at me. "Make your brother put me down!"

She pretended to think as she walked, tapping her dainty chin with one delicate finger. "No, I don't think so," she finally decided, causing me to cry out in outrage and Emmett to laugh victoriously. "_Someone's_ got to keep you out of trouble, and if I'm not there to do it, even dear Emmy-poo here is better than nothing." She smiled at me then in a way that made my insides twist. Sometimes, I would just be reminded that my best friend was one hot little piece of ass, and this was one of those times.

"I hate you. Both of you," I declared, resigning myself to my fate and relaxing into deadweight in Emmet's hold. He didn't drop me though, unfortunately.

The morning bell sounded, and Alice, instead of answering, simply blew me a mischievous kiss and skipped off to her first class. I growled at Emmett, but he simply laughed at me again and continued on his way through the rain. The few people who weren't already indoors were staring, but to be honest, I was giggling to manically to be mortified. Dear God, Emmett was fun. I was pretty sure you could lock him inside of a TV screen and be entertained for ten years solid. Class would be fun.

"Here we are, m'lady," my large friend announced, unceremoniously dropping me to my feet and steadying me when I staggered. We were outside a door that, aside from its designation of 102, looked exactly like all of the other doors we'd passed in this block of squat buildings. "European History. You sure you can handle all that excitement?"

I smoothed my ruffled clothes calmly, like a cat pretending he hasn't just done something ridiculous, like chasing a laser pointer. "Of course, Emmy-poo," I replied solemnly. "The answer is either 'because they defied the Catholic Church' or 'that war that France lost'. I'll pass with flying colors."

I ducked Emmett's playful swat (they usually felt more like punches anyways) and opened the door to the classroom, breathing a sigh of relief as a gush of warm air met my rain-soaked body. Immediately, the entire class turned to stare at me.

Great. I had a feeling the day would only get better.


	5. Chapter 5: My Family

_A/N: Since I got such a positive response to the last chapter, I decided to post this one several days early. It's pretty angsty, but things are picking up! Hope you enjoy, because I'm planning a plot twist in the next few chapters._

* * *

Pivotal Moments: Chapter Five  
Family

* * *

**Alice POV**

My Isabella's first day at Forks High was something I had both been looking forward to and dreading. Over the summer, I had been making progress. Bella was, indisputably, my best friend, and I hers. We spent quite a bit of time together, and on occasion, even with her wolf friend, Jacob. Of course, the poor thing was completely oblivious to what his heritage enabled him to become, but I could tell from the increasing pungency of the wolf scent that he would phase soon. My proximity to Bella, and Bella's subsequent proximity to him, wasn't helping anything. Truth be told, Jacob wasn't such a bad kid. He was funny and charming and could actually put a genuine smile on my face. He was very uncomfortable with me of course, not only because of the hatred that his father had drilled into him, but also because of what his own instincts were screaming at him. He didn't like me –that much was obvious—but he _did_ like Bella (which was one reason that I didn't like _him_) and treated me with nothing less than politeness. I didn't see him often, but sometimes Bella would invite him along if we spent a day in Seattle or Port Angeles, and it wasn't so bad.

I didn't want to think about what Jacob would do to me once he phased and learned the truth, though. I knew that Sam, the current Alpha, would _not_ be happy. Rosalie thought that I was utterly insane, and to be frank, so did everyone else excepting for Carlisle. Edward told me that our 'father' was secretly hoping that Jacob and I could form a friendship that might influence some of the pack's hostility.

Yeah fucking right. Jacob was cool, but he had designs on my future mate. We were friendly acquaintances for Bella's sake. I had the feeling that the boy felt the same way about me.

Thus far, Jacob and I were really the only friends that my Isabella had made. She was casual acquaintances with Mike Newton and an incoming Freshman girl named Riley Kenmore, but rarely had contact with them with more than the occasional text (much to Mike's disappointment). I dreaded the coming school year because I was afraid that Bella would find a friend there that she liked much better than me, and it made me unbearably anxious.

I heard somewhere that if you love someone you should let them go. If they come back, they were always meant to be with you, but if they don't, they were never yours to begin with.

And I did love Bella. It was remarkable how easy it had been to develop romantic feelings for her. Frankly, it had scared me at first, but Carlisle said that it was always this way for our kind. Unfortunately, it wasn't so with humans. They developed feelings at a slower pace as a general rule, and I wasn't about to push Bella into anything that would make her uncomfortable, so I stayed silent. Jasper told me that her feelings for me were very strong: more than friendship, but unfortunately not yet quite romantic, and I had to be satisfied with that at the moment. It wasn't so bad, really, until I had to face the possibility that Bella would come into contact with many new people at school. People that were more human, and more relatable, and possibly more suitable mates for her. Despite the fact that the future told me that my fears were unfounded, I couldn't help but agonize over the idea all day.

I almost cried with relief when Bella entered the cafeteria looking pissed as all hell beneath her calm façade. We'd had art class together, which was wonderful, and I'd quickly learned that she _hated_ Mike Newton in person. She looked better now than when she'd first met him. Less of a mess, less dead-eyed, and more filled out than when she'd arrived in Forks. She was beautiful, and even a dimwit like Mike couldn't miss it now that it wasn't partially obscured by her grief. Unfortunately for her, he'd decided that she was going to be his next conquest, and had taken to following her all over campus. I'd almost rescinded my request for Bella to sit at a separate table from my family and I when he'd sauntered up to our shared desk in art and started flirting heavily with her. (As jealous of a creature as I was, I wanted her to have friends that were human.) She'd sent him off then, though, and from the looks of it, she was two seconds from punching him now as he and a simpering Jessica dragged the shiny new toy off to sit at their table.

Pathetic humans.

I missed her. As she sat down between Jessica and Angela, my Isabella shot me a pleading look, which I returned with a sad smile. _'Give it a week,'_ I'd told her this morning. I think she understood.

"It'll be fine," Edward sighed from beside me as he scooted the horrifying human food around on his cafeteria tray, never eating a bit of it.

I snorted softly. "Get out of my head, Edward," I groaned. I never could control my thoughts very well when it came to my Isabella. My poor brother.

Rosalie kicked us under the table. "Shut up, you two!" she scolded, appearing for all the world to be paying attention to Emmett and Jasper, even though the two weren't saying anything. "I want to hear what they say to her!"

I rolled my eyes, but did as my beautiful sister asked. She and Bella had the oddest relationship out of all of us. While Bella and Emmett and Jasper were very close and Edward and Rosalie stayed distant from her, Rosalie had this sort of… morbid fascination with the girl. I wouldn't say that Rosalie liked her, because she really didn't. It normally took years for Rosalie to warm up to new people (just ask the poor Denali coven), and Bella was no exception. However, my Isabella had this sort of… innocence about her, and even Rosalie felt the need to protect her from harm. Rosalie didn't like Jessica or Lauren at all, and they hated her quite a bit more in reciprocation, and I could tell Rose was concerned. I knew that, despite her callousness, Rosalie really did want Bella to like her. Not that she would ever admit it.

"You just waved at Alice Cullen. I saw Emmett carry you to class. You know the Cullens!" I could hear Jessica squeal over the buzz of the cafeteria.

Of course Jessica would bring us up. Edward was about as likely to date her as he was to date Rosalie, not that the two could ever be compared. He just wasn't interested, but she couldn't let it go. All five of us were paying close attention now. Juvenile, but true. We'd all spent quite a bit of time over the summer getting to know Bella, and we were all curious as to what she'd say when she thought we couldn't hear her, Edward especially. The fact that he couldn't read her still pissed him off.

Bella, bless her soul, just looked a little confused. "Of course I know them," she stuttered. "Don't you?"

Lauren, who I liked to internally refer to as Queen HBIC, (Edward laughed a little at me.) just stared at my best friend and future mate like she was stupid. "Of course we don't," she scoffed. "_No one_ knows the Cullens. Or talks to them. You do. How?"

The rest of the table, even Eric, Mike, and Tyler, leaned forward eagerly. Stupid humans. We were dangerous. If that wasn't enough to make us a little bit standoffish, I didn't know what was.

Clearly baffled, Bella wrinkled her nose adorably in her surprise. "What do you mean?" she asked. "I've been hanging out with them all summer. They're the nicest family I've ever met! I practically lived at their house. How have none of you ever talked to them?"

Oh dear. Bella shouldn't have said that. I didn't need my visions to know what was coming, and I flinched in my seat.

Right on cue, the storm of Jessica-doesn't-know-how-to-shut-up broke. Her eyes wide, she scooted up close to poor Bella and let loose. "Shut the front door!" she shrilled. "You've been to their _house_? It's not even in the phone book!" Okay. I didn't want to know why she knew that. Bella, it seemed, didn't want to either, and blanched, but Jessica powered on like she didn't notice. In all honesty, she probably honestly didn't. "I mean, isn't it weird? They're all _together_-together. Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper." Her eyes grew impossibly wider. "You aren't dating Edward, are you?"

I couldn't help it, and burst into peals of laughter. Edward and Bella? That was just _asking_ for trouble! The melodrama would be stifling. Emmett was barking out laughter as well, while Edward just looked miffed, as if the very thought had offended him. I quieted myself in time to hear Bella's response though. This was just too funny, and I couldn't bear to miss a moment of it.

Bella looked absolutely horrified, and let out a false retching noise. "Ew, me and _Edward_? No way!" she groaned, shaking her head as if to clear it of a disturbing mental image.

Both Edward and Jessica looked offended now, though Edward's offense was colored with amusement. Jasper was just leaning back in his chair and grinning like a madman. "Aw, hear that, Eddie boy?" he cooed. "I think she likes you!" My two brothers started a small scuffle, which I rolled my eyes at.

"And anyways, Alice and Jasper aren't together," Bella continued, ignoring how the entirety of her lunch table had fallen dead silent and was staring at her. "Jasper has a girlfriend –Katherine or Carrie or something—back in Alaska, and Alice is single."

Lauren recovered first. "And you don't find it weird that even Rosalie and Emmett are together, Jasper and Alice notwithstanding?" she demanded. It was clear from her scathing tone that she didn't believe a word Bella had said.

Clearly, Bella did not appreciate this, and narrowed her eyes at the other girl. "No, I don't," she said slowly, as if speaking to a child. "Did someone change the definition of 'adoption' since last time I checked? They aren't related."

"But they _live_ together. In the same house," Jessica pressed.

Ben Cheney, the quiet one, intervened at this point. "And you live in the same town as Mike," he gestured between Jessica and said jock with his hands. "You don't want to fuck him any less."

Mike looked confused, Ben looked mischievous, Jessica looked capable of murder, Bella looked like she wanted to laugh, and we _did_ laugh. Rather loudly in fact. I would remember this moment forever.

No, really, I would.

Lauren was sneering, not even bothering to try and appear pleasant. "Please," she hissed. "You're clearly lying. Everybody knows that the Cullens don't talk to _anybody_. They probably just saw you in the parking lot this morning and felt bad for you because your mom died."

Dear God, I wanted to kill her. If it weren't for Jasper suddenly leaping from his seat and forcing me back down into my chair by placing calming hands on my shoulders, I probably would have. Emmett was growling quietly, his large hands flexing angrily.

Unfortunately oblivious to the very real threats to her life, Lauren _kept talking_. Bella's mouth had fallen open in shock, and the entire table, plus a few surrounding ones, were staring in that curious mix of fascination and horror that humans use when they see two animals fighting. "I mean, Alice? She's a freak. Jasper too, always scowling. They're creepy. Edward thinks he's too good for anyone but himself, Emmett's too wrapped up in staring at his sister's ass, and that bitch Rosalie wouldn't give George fucking Clooney the time of day. She's just an attention-loving slut whose rich mommy and daddy paid for plastic surgery to keep her from being a bitch, and it didn't work."

Dead silence reigned at the two tables. I hadn't seen this happening today at _all_. I was about to panic when a new vision hit me so hard that I would have fallen backwards out of my chair if it weren't for Jasper still behind me, and Edward accidently broke his lunch tray in half. _Oh my Isabella, thank you_. I thought to myself. Because I knew what was going to happen.

My Isabella was angry. Very angry. Jessica edged away from her, while Angela just looked faintly alarmed. Bella's eyes were hard, and her fists were clenched. She was tense enough to look like she was in motion even though she was sitting still. It was… hot. "_Never_ say that about them. Ever," Bella snarled, leaning towards her target with her hair falling about her pale face like a russet storm cloud. My brothers and sister –save Edward, who'd already seen this with me—blinked in surprise at her ferocity. But Bella wasn't nearly done yet. "What gives you the _right_?" she demanded. "You don't know them. Is Alice a freak because she's happy, or is it just because she's prettier than you? Is Jasper a freak because he could run circles around you in any class with half his brain cut out? Does Edward refusing to stoop low enough to date someone like _you_ make him a superior snob, or you just a jealous bitch? Is it a _crime_ for Emmett to love his girlfriend? And is Rosalie a slut because she's beautiful? A bitch because she doesn't want to talk to someone with less integrity than her little finger?" Now, even the students at tables in her immediate vicinity had all turned to stare at the scene that Bella was making. Lauren looked like she had stopped breathing. "Rosalie is a _good_ person. They're _all_ good people, who treated me like family when I had none because they _cared_." Bella took in a deep, shuddering breath. "If I _ever_ hear you say things like that about _any_ of them again, I will be _very_ unhappy. Got it?" Her voice was trembling with her intensity as she drew to a close.

Lauren blinked. The expression on her face was similar to one she might have been wearing if Mr. Mason, the biology teacher, had suddenly dropped to his knees and declared his undying love for her in the middle of the cafeteria. "Geez, Bella, I was only joking," she said weakly. "Chill the fuck out."

My Isabella's upper lip curled in disgust, and she stood. "Well it _wasn't_ funny," she snapped, before turning on heel and sweeping back outside and into the rain.

Seeing it the second time was so much better. Warmth bloomed in the pit of my stomach as I gazed fondly of the door through which Bella had exited. I stood by my earlier statement. That was _hot_.

Rose was staring at the door too, and I could tell she didn't know what to think. She was so used to everyone just assuming that she was a complete bitch. No one ever defended her, except Emmett. Then along comes Bella, and suddenly, Rose's bitch front isn't convincing anymore.

My three brothers were just grinning like the fools they were.

"Alice? Why didn't you marry this girl on the spot?" Emmett asked me, eyes reproachful and accusatory.

I giggled. "Call me old fashioned."

* * *

**Bella POV**

I didn't realize that I had forgotten my lunch until I was already outside. Well, fuck. I sure wasn't going _back_ for it.

I fled the cafeteria through the rain as best I could, but I was shaking too hard to move properly. I wasn't sure if it was because I was angry, or because of the adrenaline leaving my system. Maybe it was both.

Yeah. Way to make a great first impression on the first day of school, Bells. Piss of the leader of the popular clique. Smart.

But… she'd insulted Alice. She'd said terrible things about _all_ of the Cullens, and when she did, I'd just lost it. Lauren was an idiot. I'd known that from the start. However, I liked to think that _I_ wasn't an idiot. I should have known better than to sit at that table the moment Jessica started asking me about the Cullens, because I should have realized that the Cullens were my Achilles' heel. Finding a relatively dry bench beneath a Ramada, I sank down onto it and put my head in my hands. No one was outside, because it was still raining rather hard, and I was grateful. The constant rhythm of the rain impacting everything in sight was calming, and my heartbeat soon slowed, my blush melting away along with it.

"That was quite the exit, new kid. You left the student body to speculate," a musical voice sounded, and I jumped violently before relaxing at the girl who stood in front of me, just as drenched by the rain as I was. It was Rosalie.

I scooted to one side, so that there was room on the bench, and Rosalie sat beside me, her face as neutral as it always was. I wondered what she was doing here. I was always struck by how beautiful she was whenever I saw her, with her large gold eyes and stunning gold curls that tumbled down her back, but now I was struck by the fact that she looked sad. "Hi Rosalie," I greeted softly. "I'm sorry for storming out like that. Alice was probably worried."

Rosalie nodded absently, staring out on the campus. "Call me Rose. My friends call me Rose."

Her friends… I was her friend. I couldn't help the radiant smile that pulled at my lips. I hadn't ever actually had a disagreement with Rosalie. I'd never had much contact with her at all. But his felt like an olive branch, and I liked it. I wanted Alice's sister to like me.

"Someone told us what you did, you know," she said softly. "What you said to Lauren about us. About me."

My chest tightened. Was she angry? But then… why was she here, being so gentle with me?

"Thank you."

I might not have known her very well, but I did know that Rosalie Hale didn't say that. To anyone. It was surprising enough that I had to stifle a gasp. "Rose?" I asked trying out the name. She looked at me, our eyes locked, and suddenly, we had an understanding. "You're welcome."

She smiled. Just a simple, honest smile. Sometimes Alice smiled like this, and just like with Alice, I couldn't imaging a more beautiful expression for her to be wearing. I felt very close to her in that moment, like she was really my sister. And maybe she was. We all choose our own family, after all, and if I could have a sister, I would choose Rosalie.

The bell sounded, but the spell wasn't broken. Rosalie helped me to my feet. "You don't want to be late to class on the first day," she advised me. "I'll see you after school, Bella."

I nodded, and we parted ways. But I felt better. Different, in a good way.

Every time I saw I Cullen for the rest of the day, they met my eyes and nodded at me. Somehow, I felt like I had just passed a very important test.

It was a quiet ride home in Alice's Porsche that day, but it wasn't a bad quiet. I could feel Alice's pride in me, and her affection for me. It filled the small space, but even if it hadn't, I would have known it was there. I always knew with Alice, like a small part of me was connected to her and always knew how she felt. It was one of the nice things about Alice. Sometimes, we didn't need to say anything.

When Alice took me home, she gave me a tighter, longer hug than she usually gave me, nuzzling her face into the bare skin of my neck so that my breath hitched. Then, she left without a word, and I was fine with that, because I understood. As I watched her taillights vanish around the bend (She still drove like she had a death wish.) I thought about Alice. I thought about our friendship, and about how I knew she loved me just as much as I loved her. Thinking of it, I loved all of the Cullens. I loved Rosalie, and her pitbull nature. The way she was so aggressive towards people she thought could be a threat to those she loved. I loved Emmett, and how he would always try to make everyone smile. How he made me feel safe, even when he tossed me over his shoulder like a rag doll. I loved Jasper, and his wicked sense of humor that belied his calm exterior. How we could talk about anything, and he would understand. I loved Esme, and how she reminded me of my mother. The way she welcomed me into her home like a long-lost child just because that was the way she was. I loved Carlisle, and how he always seemed so kind. How he seemed like he could find the good in anyone if he only looked closely. I loved Edward too, and his strong, silent presence. The way that he didn't say much, but would sometimes play his piano and somehow say everything that was needed in the notes. They were my family, in my heart. I'd known them for just a couple of months, but they were the brothers and sister and father and mother that I didn't deserve, but somehow found anyways.

But I didn't feel that way for Alice, which I didn't understand. Out of all of my second family, I adored Alice the most. I loved her desperately, but not like she was my sister. It was different in a way that I couldn't quite touch yet. It was powerful, though.

Realizing that I had been standing in my driveway, staring at the same spot, for longer than I really should have been, I shook my head clear of thoughts and went inside, forcing my thoughts onto making dinner.

That night was the first night that I dreamed of Alice Cullen.

It wasn't the sort of dream that I'd ever experienced before, to be sure. I was no stranger to sex dreams. I _was_ a teenager. But this wasn't like that. It was less, but it was… more. The two of us sat together on the ground in the forest that I still hiked in, on occasion, cross-legged, face to face. It was an innocent enough scene, but then Alice smiled that _smile_ at me: the one that she gave me when Jasper had let me sit on his Ducati, or when she and Rose had dragged me into the Victoria's Secret to shop for underwear, or when I teased her until she couldn't find a comeback. It promised mischief and pleasure, and even in the dream it made me shudder. I reached forwards and ran a hand through her soft, spiky hair, as she leaned into me and slipped her hands around her waist. And then, we kissed. She pressed her lips to mine in a motion that I never expected and yet… I _liked_ it. A lot.

I woke with a gasp. The red glow of the clock told me that it was only three in the morning, but I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. It had been a short dream. An innocent dream. A chaste kiss.

The kicker was that I was suddenly sure that I would enjoy kissing a girl, my best friend, far more than I had ever enjoyed kissing anyone else. It had felt… powerful, and _right_. My heart was _still_ racing a mile a minute, and it wasn't from fear. My body was lit up like a house on Christmas, because of a dream that would probably qualify as PG.

There were two very distinct reasons why I was panicked. The first being that the object of my little fantasy was Alice. I was ashamed of that. Not that I didn't adore Alice, but it felt… disrespectful to be thinking of her like that without her permission. Like I was ruining something pure. I was sure that she would understand and forgive me if she ever found out about this dream (I had no intention of telling her.) but I still felt like a pervert. I mean, this was _Alice_. She didn't deserve this.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I had just dreamed about kissing a girl, and it had gotten more of a reaction out of me than kissing a boy _ever_ had… and it was a dream. It wasn't even real! I had never questioned my sexuality. I had always just assumed that, since I was a girl, I was in to guys, because that's how things were. I honestly had never even considered that I _could_ be attracted to girls, until this moment, and pondering upon it now, I wasn't sure. The thought of kissing another girl honestly didn't repulse me. But did I enjoy that thought? I explored the concept like I would explore a sixth toe that had suddenly sprouted out of my foot. What if… what if I was? What if I was bisexual, or even lesbian, and I hadn't even known it until I'd dreamed of an innocent kiss with Alice that left me feeling so much less than innocent? I leaned back against my headboard and hugged my knees to my chest, enjoying the dark and quiet of the early morning.

I'd had two romantic relationships in the past, totaling to about a month and a half of time. Not impressive, I know, but I _was_ only sixteen. Only a few weeks away from being seventeen, to be fair, but it wasn't exactly expected that I be experienced in this sort of thing. Both had been with boys, but we'd never done more than kiss. I wasn't ready. I'd never wanted more than that. The first, Alex, had lasted a month. I was fourteen, and he was sixteen, and I'd been so _flattered_ that he wanted to date clumsy, plain Isabella Swan. That is, until I'd caught him having sex with another girl. In _my_ bed.

That had hurt.

The second boy came when I was fifteen, and he was fifteen as well. He was a nice boy, I suppose, but when I was with him I felt… empty. He was just… _there_. I was in love with the idea of being in love, but I didn't love him. I didn't even particularly _like_ him. He was boring.

God, I couldn't even remember his name.

I hadn't dated since.

Was this… was this the reason why?

_Bleep! Bleep! Bleep!_

The alarm sounded. It was time to get up for the day. I wasn't ready.

* * *

_A/N: So, there it is. I'm trying to keep the emotions real here, so please bear with me. It's hard to do Bella's transition into liking girls because I've never had to go through the situation she's dealing with, but I'm doing my best! Please leave reviews! :D_


	6. Chapter 6: Revelations

_A/N: So again, I thought I'd throw this chapter out there a little early because of all the wonderful reviews I've been receiving. They really do make my life a little brighter, and clearly, I'm not above bribery to get them. Technically, this is a bit of a filler chapter considering the action won't come till next chapter, but I feel it is one of the most important chapters so far. I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Pivotal Moments: Chapter Six  
Revelations

* * *

The questions that I had for myself concerning my sexuality were ones that I couldn't answer in the span of a few hours. Hell, they weren't ones I could answer in a few _days_. This was deep shit. I don't recommend it. I thought about it a lot, and I think that Alice noticed that I was preoccupied, but she didn't pressure me about it. She asked what the matter was once or twice, and made sure she was physically close to me more so than usual, but that was it, and I was grateful for it. If she'd questioned me, I don't know if I could have handled it. I felt nervous and fragile, and it really was the Cullens and the Cullens alone that held me together in the fallout of my little outburst on Monday.

Lauren was on the warpath. She hated, and I mean _hated_ me. Surprisingly enough though, I wasn't bothered much. The most the bitch could do by herself was spread rumors and shout cruel things in the hallways, and many people had taken my side of the issue. Angela and Ben were good friends to me by Tuesday morning, and Mike supported me, though I personally suspected that this was because he was still thinking with the head on his pelvis rather than the head on his shoulders as opposed to using any moral fiber on his part. Lauren was a bitch, and everyone knew it. Quite a few people expressed their appreciation to me for standing up to her, stopping me in hallways and in the bathrooms and the lunch line. I was just glad that Alice had practically dragged me to the lunch table with her and her siblings on my second day at Forks High, and I wasn't forced to sit with strangers any longer.

But by Thursday of my second week of school, I had come to realize that I _wasn't_ straight. I hadn't said anything to anyone about it, even Alice, and I usually told her _everything_. I had spent a lot of my time reflecting on myself and who I was over the past week. I had continued to dream of Alice (much to my shame, as I still felt like a pervert) but I now had a better understanding of the fact that I was definitely attracted to girls more so than I was to guys. It was a hard thing for me to admit to myself, to be honest. I wasn't opposed to the idea of being a lesbian, but I _was_ a little miffed that I hadn't realized this about myself sooner. It had taken Alice to bring this out in me, which was a scary thought in and of itself. What would Alice think? I mean, I'd never told her that I was straight, per se, as it hadn't really come up in conversation, but I wondered if she'd still want to be my friend when I told her. If _any_ of the Cullens would still want to see me. I wondered what my mother would say, if she were still alive. God, what would _Charlie_ say? I was utterly terrified. I lived in a small town. Had I still been living in Phoenix, perhaps people would have been more accepting, but I didn't live in Phoenix anymore, and I wasn't sure how the small town mentality would take it if I came out. Many times, I thought it would be better if I just stayed quiet about it.

Needless to say, it'd been a rough two weeks.

My decision was made for me with the help of none other than Jasper. He, Alice, and I had sixth hour gym class together, and we were goofing off by the jump ropes when we heard it.

"Jesus, Dillon! You _knew_ that Mom was gonna flip her shit if you called Cole. Why did you do it?" hissed a Sophomore boy to a Freshman. They were brothers, I knew. They had ducked behind the bleachers, and the three of us were the only members of the class able to see them. It was a free day in gym today, and we had immediately retreated to a corner. Alice and Jasper were ridiculously good at sports just as I was ridiculously clumsy, but none of us wanted the attention. Hence our seclusion. It was clear that the brothers weren't aware that we could hear their conversation, and I didn't like eavesdropping, but I didn't like the hostility I was feeling off of the boys either.

"Aaron, he's suicidal!" Dillon hissed. "Our cousin tried to _kill_ himself two days ago. Of _course_ I called him. Why didn't _you_?"

By this time, I knew that Alice and Jasper were paying just as close attention to this conversation as I was.

The boy called Aaron was angry now. I could hear it in his voice. "He thinks he's… _gay_. Mom said that we can't speak to him until he stops, and I agree. Something is wrong with him. Cole needs _help_, not you… _encouraging_ him!"

My stomach sank, and I wanted to throw up. I stopped trying to look like I was jumping rope, and focused on not bursting into tears. That Cole boy's family hated him. _Hated_ him. Because he was gay. I could hear it in Aaron's voice. Would my family hate me? I couldn't bear it if they did, but I didn't want to live a life that was a lie. I wanted to cry, but I didn't, because then Alice and Jasper would ask me why.

But then Alice was tugging on my hand, and my eyes flew open. Jasper had ducked under the bleachers to confront the two boys, and Alice was pulling me after him.

And boy was Jasper mad. His eyes were black again. He stepped neatly past Dillon and got right up in Aaron's face, and in the deep shadows beneath the bleachers, Jasper really did look horribly menacing. I didn't begrudge the boy the step back he took. "Listen here, bigot," Jasper hissed. "That boy is your _family_, and you need to listen to your brother. Family sticks together. No. Matter. What. So this is what you're going to do. You are going to go home, pick up the phone, call your cousin, and tell him that you love him no matter who he chooses to love. And you are going to mean it. Got it?"

Obviously terrified, the boy nodded, grabbed his younger brother, who gave Jasper a nod, and bolted back into the main bustle of the gym.

I had never seen Jasper angry before, and to be honest, it was pretty fucking terrifying. But… I liked it. I couldn't describe how grateful I was to him, for how he stood up for a boy he didn't know. I loved him for not hating people like me. I wanted to leap up and throw my arms around him, actually, but Alice beat me to it, climbing the poor boy like a jungle gym.

"_This_ is why you're my favorite brother," she told him happily, planting a kiss on his cheek. Gold was slowly seeping back into Jasper's eyes as he relaxed, and after a moment, Alice let herself fall back to the ground.

"Thanks, Jasper," I said quietly, figuring I could forgo the hug now that Alice had done it well enough for the both of us.

Jasper's eyes softened, and he nodded. Immediately afterwards, Alice grabbed both of our hands and was hauling us back out to the jump ropes. "Hurry! Coach Clapp is coming around to check on us in fifteen seconds!"

Fifteen seconds later, the middle-aged, balding man was peering at us suspiciously as he walked by.

Alice was always right. I'd learned not to bet against her.

After Jasper's little scene though, I knew that I needed to tell Charlie that I liked girls. Why? Because we were family, and family needed to trust each other. I needed to trust Charlie.

That same Thursday was also the day that I found out that Alice and her family were vampires.

I'm fucking crazy, I know.

After school, Jake was waiting for me. I'd been a bit distant from him since school started, so when he'd called and asked if I'd like to spend an evening with him at the beach, I couldn't say no.

"Hey Jake!" I greeted him as I separated from the flood of students rushing to the parking lot. The boy was waiting for me, perched on the hood of my little red Corolla like an overexcited puppy. He'd hit another growth spurt, and was another full inch taller. (I swear something was in the water on the Rez.)

"Hiya Bells!" he called out, hopping to the ground and sweeping me up into a crushing bear hug. I laughed and squirmed until he put me down, our delighted grins matching. "You ready to go?"

I nodded. "Whatcha got planned, Jake?" I inquired, pulling open the door to the car and swinging myself inside. I very rarely drove myself to school, but I'd done so today because Jake wasn't old enough to drive yet. Legally speaking, at least. I threw a cheerful wave at Emmett, the only Cullen in the parking lot at the moment, before starting the car and pulling away from the school, heading towards La Push.

Leaning back, my larger friend kicked his feet up onto my dash and settled comfortably in the passenger seat, ignoring my scowl. "I'm going to indulge in a healthy dose of teenage rebellion, Bellsie darling," he said sweetly, winking at me. "Thought we'd start a driftwood fire on the beach and I could tell you a few of the tribe's old forbidden legends."

I blinked and nearly swerved into the next lane. "But Jake!" I protested, startled. "I'm not a member of the tribe! You've been teasing me with the fact that Billy would never tell me those stories since you were like, five! Besides, didn't you tell me that they were just old wives' tales anyways?"

Jake's face darkened, and he took a moment to reply. "I need to do something that will keep me from getting too angry," he finally admitted. "There's this guy on the Rez… Sam. He and his buddies Paul and Jared have formed this kind of… gang, I guess you could call it," he explained. "They're pretty scary. Violent. Paul even got angry with me one day and smashed up a bike I'd been working on. With his bare hands. They hang out nearby quite a bit. They look at me like they're _waiting_ for something, and it's fucking creepy." Jacob's fists were clenched, and I could tell he was angry.

"Did you talk to your dad about it?" I asked softly.

Jacob just nodded angrily. "And that's the worst part," he growled. "My dad yelled at me when I complained to him. Said that I didn't know how much good Sam and his boys do for the tribe. Said that I should respect them. The council of elders _love_ them. Won't hear a word against them, and they just keep _pushing_ the importance of the _old legends_." He shook his head. "It pisses me off, Bells," he sighed, staring out the window at the trees whizzing by. (I was speeding a bit. Sue me. I was used to Alice's Porsche. None of my dad's boys would ever dare give me a ticket anyways.) "So I'm out to break a few harmless rules. That's why I want to tell you the legends."

I was worried for Jake. I really was. He didn't have an easy life, but he'd always been a good friend to me, and I wanted to be the same for him. "You know I'd be happy to listen Jake but… be careful. For me, okay?" I finally responded.

So that evening, as we roasted marshmallows over the blue-green flames of a driftwood fire –Jake burned his into blistered, black lumps of sugar whereas I meticulously roasted mine to an even golden-brown color—I heard the Quileute legends. I listened to Jake's pleasantly sonorous voice as he spoke. He was a good storyteller. I listened to him talk about Taha Aki and his ability to turn into a wolf. I listened to him talk about the Cold Ones.

And that's where my brain stuck.

Vampires? Vampires that were pale, and extraordinarily beautiful. Vampires that were impossibly fast and strong. Vampires that were icy cold to the touch, never ate, and never slept. Vampires with red eyes that killed people. Vampires with golden eyes that killed animals instead.

I felt a little bad that I was thinking about Alice when Jake needed my friendship, but at Jacob's words, the pieces of a puzzle that I had been collecting –and ignoring—for months suddenly snapped into place. The Cullens were pale and beautiful. They were _always_ gone on sunny days. Every single one of them had a frigid body temperature, and identical golden eyes that turned black when they were angry. I'd never seen a one of them eat. Sure, food disappeared off of their plates, but I'd _never_ seen them swallow. I'd never seen them sleep either, despite the fact that I spent every Friday night over at their house. Even when we were sleeping in the same bed. Alice was always the last one asleep and the first one awake of the two of us. She teased me for it. And then there were those moments where one of them moved just a little too quickly to be normal, like Alice and her insistence on opening the car door for me. Or when one was just a little too strong, like when I'd beaten Emmett at Halo for the fifth time in a row and he'd broken the controller clean in half. And Billy Black _hated_ the Cullens.

A part of me rebelled at the thought that my favorite family was a group of vampires. I mean, seriously? Vampires?

But… it made sense. More sense than I cared to admit.

And so I concluded that my best friend was an imaginary creature. I kept telling myself that it was impossible, but I just… believed it. Jacob had invited me here and told me the stories so that he could laugh at them. Laugh at the culture that he felt was tying him down. But I wasn't laughing.

I spent the night at his house though. It was the least I could do, under the circumstances, and by the time early morning arrived and I had to leave to get ready for school I knew Jacob felt better. His sunny disposition was too wonderful to disappear, in my opinion. I hated seeing him sad, and I was glad that he woke up smiling. I woke up smiling too, but for a different reason than Jake was.

I smiled because I decided that I didn't care. My second family was a family of vampires? Cool. Maybe Edward would give me his tater tots at lunch, if I asked nicely. It wasn't like he was going to eat them.

The Cullens' eyes were gold, meaning that they didn't kill humans. Ergo, I didn't care that they were vampires.

It felt nice to decide that. It was also a little weird that I wasn't freaking the fuck out, but whatever. In the long run, I didn't love any of them any less, so I decided that I wouldn't say anything to any of them. If they hadn't told me that they were vampires, I knew that they had a good reason for it.

Of course, after driving myself to school and experiencing Alice's tackle-hug, I was forcibly reminded of another decision I had yet to make. How did I tell Charlie, the Cullens, and everyone else who needed to know that I was a lesbian?

Point of fact, how could I actually _forget_ about the one thing that I'd been agonizing over for so long?

Oh yeah. Supernatural creature revelation. As excuses go, it wasn't a bad one.

I decided that I might as well just get it over with, and have that conversation with Charlie tonight.

The final bell of the day sounded out, and I made my way to the parking lot, deflecting social interaction as best I could. "Yes, Angela, I'm sure he likes you. Just ask him! No, Jessica, that shirt doesn't make you look fat. Riley, the homework was page thirty-four, not three _and_ four. Work on that handwriting. _No_, Mike, I won't go out with you."

"Bella! You're still coming over tonight, right?" It was Alice. She was perched on the hood of my car just like Jacob had been yesterday. Except Alice was far more adorable. Like always, I smiled broadly at the sight of her, but I soon frowned again at her question.

"I don't think I can sleep over tonight," I sighed unhappily. "I really need to have a talk with Charlie."

Alice looked at me like I kicked her puppy.

"But he doesn't come home from work until five," I threw in hastily. "You and I could hang out until then."

The controlled chaos that was her hair ruffling lightly in the breeze, Alice tilted her head to one side and thought about the offer. "All right," she ceded. "But Saturday? You're mine." Without further ado, she danced two spots over to where her cheerfully yellow Porsche was parked and slid in, winking at me. "Race ya!"

I snorted. Like my dinky little car could ever beat hers, even if I _did_ drive like a maniac. (Which, for the record, I didn't.)

Needless to say, she was already perched on my front steps, humming, when I pulled into my driveway. Laughing as she started to make strange faces at me just for the hell of it, I let her in. We had a pleasant afternoon, her and I. I made myself lunch (and didn't bother offering her any, which she didn't comment upon) and did my best to do well when she tried to teach me how to play poker. That didn't work out, of course, so instead I retrieved a book of poetry that Charlie had picked up for me in Seattle the other day and flopped onto the couch to read aloud. Alice stretched out over the length of the couch, and was still short enough that her feet weren't hanging over the edge even when she was using my lap as a pillow. She only stuck her tongue out at me when I teased her though, and instead closed her eyes to listen as I read.

I opened the book and flipped through a page or two before my eyes landed on 'The Computation' by John Donne. I hummed in a mixture of satisfaction –for this was one of my favorite poems—and amusement –because I found it to be oddly appropriate—before I began to read.

"_For the first twenty years since yesterday_

_I scarce believed thou couldst be gone away;_

_For forty more I fed on favors past,_

_And forty on hopes that thou wouldst they might last._

_Tears drowned one hundred, and sighs blew out two;_

_A thousand, I did neither think nor do,_

_Or not divide, all being one thought of you._

_Or, in a thousand more, forgot that too—"_

I was surprised when Alice's voice overrode mine. She still hadn't opened her eyes, nor had she moved her head from my lap, but I could sense her emotions in that strange way I always could. She was content here, but oddly sad. Oddly nostalgic. I too closed my eyes as she finished the poem for me from memory.

"—_Yet call not this long life; but think that I_

_Am, by being dead, immortal. Can ghosts die?"_

I let out a soft breath as we were cocooned in poignant silence. I was impressed, but not surprised. I would never believe that there was something that Alice couldn't do. Idly, I wondered how old she was. Vampires, so far as I knew, lived for a very, very long time. That's why I'd chosen to read that particular poem aloud. I thought Alice might relate to it. When I opened my eyes again, she was looking at my face with a curious, almost pained expression. I met her eyes.

"This is one of my favorite poems, Isabella," she told me in a velvety tone. "Do you know why?"

I shook my head, unblinking.

A sweet smile curled Alice's pink lips. "It's because poetry doesn't just tell a story," she confided at me. Her eyes were shining as she looked up at me. "Poems convey an experience."

I smiled at her, happiness flooding through me. "I know you're never wrong, Alice," I teased. "But you've never been more right."

Alice giggled, and we fell into a companionable silence. It was a few solid minutes before she broke it. She was frowning again. "Bella, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but…" She hesitated. "You've been preoccupied all week, and now you've cancelled our Friday sleepover so you can talk to Charlie. I'm… I'm worried about you. Is something wrong?"

I sucked in a breath. Oh, Alice. She was always as perceptive of my emotions as I was of hers. Deep in thought, I worried my lower lip with my teeth. I was scared to come out to Alice, because of all of the people (and vampires) in this world, it was her opinion that mattered the most to me.

That's why I needed to do it, though. Because Alice was special.

Selfishness is the human condition. We're lying if we pretend otherwise. Each and every one of us spends our lives as a thread woven into the fabric of existence, coiled closely around others but never really quite touching. I suppose that's because empathy is hard. More difficult than feeling by yourself, I think. It's always easier to just… stop. To tear your eyes away and curl up like an injured kitten and to just be alone, in the quiet and the dark, and to block off the others like they've never existed and never will, and to just drift.

But I also know that I can never look away. People aren't hard to see. They may laugh and cry and hum and hiss and grumble, but it's only something to look past. It's their eyes that ensnare me and strangle, like those innocent, pretty little plants that strip away the flesh of their prey so that they might live. Eyes whisper, whimper, and weep. It's hard to look, and it's hard to look away.

If you look hard enough, though, you can see the threads. I know because I've done it: seen it. Seen how just one person is knotted into the lives of impossibly many others, in their eyes that cry out for someone –anyone—to help them. I never help. I never look away. I can't. I look around me and I look too closely, and it's like staring at the sun, but I can't stop. I don't like to feel the pain of so many others besides my own. I am a selfish creature, human after all. I want to leave them to suffer in silence, but I won't, because it's impossible to me.

People have eyes that cry, even when they smile.

And I can see it.

And it hurts, because no one can see _me_, and my eyes cry too.

That's because we're all in boxes, and it takes a special person to take all the little parts of you –good and bad—and put them together so that they can see you as a whole. It takes a special person to see someone else as everything they are and love them for it.

My father loves me. Isabella. But he loves Isabella the daughter. He loves Chef Bella and Sweet Bella and Smart Bella. Jacob loves me too, in his own way, but he loves Funny Bella and Pretty Bella and Clever Bella. He doesn't want to see Sad Bella or Insecure Bella or Independent Bella. When people see a version of me that they don't like, they put her back in her box, because no matter what they say, they only ever loved a part of me.

Everybody does it. I do it. I love Kind Angela and Smart Angela, but when I see Gossipy Angela or Bitter Angela, I want her to go away. Back to her box. When I see Romantic Mike, I put him back in his box too.

And sometimes, this is a good thing. There are some parts of me that I don't want anyone to see, like IsaBitchy. Hateful Bella. Depressed Bella. Selfish Bella.

People don't see the eyes that cry because they don't _want_ to see.

They want only the people in their boxes, because seeing all the parts of a whole is hard. It hurts.

Alice sees me though. She is finding all the parts of me that have been pushed away, and she's opening their boxes. Even when what's inside isn't pretty, she doesn't shut them away again. She doesn't shut me away. Alice is special, because she thinks _I'm_ special. She loves me for all of me. She loves me as Isabella. Nothing more, nothing less, and she is the only being on this planet that can truly say that.

That's why it was important to me that I tell Alice first. Before anybody. Because she deserved to know. This was one box that she needed to open, and this time, I was going to help her do it. She was a vampire. That was one box of hers that _I'd _opened, even if she didn't know it yet. So I trusted her with knowing that I liked girls. I had to, really.

She was still looking up at me with those big tawny eyes of hers, and I realized I'd fallen silent for a while.

Time to nut up or shut up, Isabella.

I shifted nervously, though not enough to disturb Alice, who was still using my lap as a pillow, and began before I could chicken out. "Alice, I… I haven't really told anyone this. Ever," I admitted. "But… I'm… I'm a lesbian."

No, not one of my most articulate moments, I'll admit. Still it was better than, 'Hey, Alice. Just so you know, after having a semi-erotic dream about you after I've been sleeping in your bed on a weekly basis, I decided that dick just doesn't do it for me and I'm all about the pussy!' That would've been ugly. I winced just_ thinking _about it.

Alice still hadn't moved, and still hadn't said anything. In fact, her facial expression hadn't even changed yet. Despite myself, I felt a small trickle of fear. "Alice, please don't hate me," I begged. "I couldn't bear it if you hated me."

Shock, quickly followed by indignation and hurt, flickered across Alice's face. "Hate you? How could you think that I hate you?" she gasped, grabbing my hand and sitting up so that she was angled to face me. "I could never hate you!"

Relief flooded me, and I trembled a bit. "I know. I'm sorry. I was just—"

"—afraid," she finished for me, her beautiful honey-washed eyes softening. "What did you think I was going to do?" she questioned. "Fly into a Bible-bashing rage and call you a carpet-munching dyke? That would be oddly hypocritical of me."

I raised an eyebrow.

Alice had the decency to look sheepish. "Oh, um… I'm bisexual, by the way. Surprise?"

We both stared at each other for a moment, before bursting into riotous laughter. "Dear God, Alice, I thought you were straight!" I snickered, still a little shell-shocked, but filled with a profound relief. I could barely process how relieved I was.

Alice had pulled me into an embrace and was giggling into my shoulder. "No, _I_ thought _you_ were straight!" she corrected.

It wasn't really that funny, but at the same time, it was. It was fucking _funny._ Our laughter was laughter of relief as well, to be fair, but I couldn't stop until my stomach began to ache.

So, yeah. My name is Isabella Marie Swan, daughter of the Chief of Police in a town named after a utensil, and I spend my Friday nights laughing about my sexual preferences with an adorable bisexual vampire who happens to be my best friend. My life's pretty cool, I guess. Not FUBAR at all. Not even a little bit.

* * *

_A/N: So, I hope I didn't move too fast, what with Bella figuring out two things at once. I also hope that it's realistic for her to be as calm as she is about the Cullens' vampirism, but I thought that if I were in her face, I wouldn't care either, considering I had bigger problems. Anywho, please let me know what you think! (Type in that review box. I double-dog dare you.)_


	7. Chapter 7: Brave

_A/N: Long chapter this time! Thank you everyone for all of your support. I can honestly say it's the reason I keep writing._

_So a little action this chapter. We'll still see James and Victoria later, just so you know, but I needed this particular event to happen. You'll see why after you read it, and after next chapter!_

_Enjoy!_

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Pivotal Moments: Chapter Seven  
Brave

* * *

**Bella POV**

Laughter is my personal panacea. I swear to God that there isn't a thing it can't fix. Well, aside from a collapsed lung, that is. But I digress. The point is; I just felt so much _better_ after such a simple confession to Alice. After laughing with her. I felt like I could _breathe_ again, and it was nice. I didn't feel the need to speak again afterwards, and Alice, it seemed, felt the same. Instead, we simply relaxed into a comfortable embrace and enjoyed the quiet. We stayed that way –Alice and I—for a while, curled up together in one corner of the couch without speaking. (Alice is a cuddler, if that wasn't blatantly obvious already.) It was a comfortable silence, filled only with our quiet breathing and my own solitary heartbeat. I was content. Happy being me, here, now, with Alice, who was probably the most important person in the world to me. It was nice just sitting together and enjoying each other's contentment. Relaxing. To be perfectly honest, I almost fell asleep against Alice's wintry body, breathing in vanilla and butterscotch, but the peace was shattered when my cell phone buzzed from my back pocket.

Being me, I naturally yelped and started rather violently in my surprise, nearly sending Alice sprawling. She inexplicably kept her balance, however, and gracefully disentangled herself from me, shooting an unruffled, smug sort of smirk in my direction as she settled back into the couch and I fumbled for my phone, glaring at her. With as much dignity as I could salvage (which, I'll admit, wasn't much) I finally hit the proper button on the phone. "Hello?" I answered.

_"Hey, Bells. It's me."_

I grimaced internally. There went my noble plans for the evening. "Hey Dad, what's up?"

_"I was called into Seattle for the night, Bells. Won't be home till early morning," _my endearingly oblivious father explained. Personally, I was just impressed that the man knew how to use the cell phone I'd begged him to purchase. _"I know you usually spend Fridays with the Cullens, and you probably won't notice either way, but I just thought that I'd call and let you know."_

Great. I wanted to groan aloud, but somehow managed to restrain myself. Charlie couldn't have known that I wanted to talk to him tonight. Goodness knows I hadn't told him. "Yeah, thanks Dad," I responded in a tepid sort of way, unable to come up with any sort of enthusiasm. "Stay safe."

_"Always am."_

I ended the call and dropped the phone before burying my face in my hands. I was… upset. I had been ready to come out to Charlie tonight, and it had taken a lot of fortitude to mentally prepare myself for that. Now, though, I felt more deflated than anything. Like a balloon that someone had suddenly stopped pinching the end of. My fear was still there, because even with this delay, I still didn't know how he would react to knowing that his daughter was a lesbian, but the presiding sensation was still that of deflation. Hiding my face really wasn't helping, but it felt better than facing the world at the moment.

I felt Alice's hands running soothingly along my back—something I should have expected from her. Alice never could stand to see me upset. I didn't move though, choosing to simply relax into the indefinable shapes being traced into my flesh by her fingertips. I just… needed a moment. That isn't to say that her touch wasn't calming, however. It was very much so. Almost against my will, I could feel my tensed muscles relaxing again, and I idly wondered how often Alice had done this. She _was_ a vampire, after all, and I was pretty sure that her family maintained their antisocial image for a very good reason. I had no idea how much contact Alice, or her family for that matter, had had with normal humans. In fact, in living Forks memory, I was the only outsider of the family to ever have befriended a Cullen so closely. It was a curious train of thought—one that I promised myself to follow up on later.

Alice wasn't having any of my pensive mood, however. Clearly unhappy with the upset on my features, she started running her soft hands through my hair—the equivalent of busting out the heavy artillery. Alice knew very well that I was putty in her hands whenever she went for the hair. That was why she did it. "It's going to be all right, Bella," she murmured to me, her cool fingers gently tugging through tiny tangles in my tresses and grazing her fingertips across my scalp.

I shivered slightly at the sensation. "I'm sorry, Ali," I sighed. "I just can't seem to… to pull myself together today. I just… I don't want Charlie to hate me. It shouldn't matter, but it _does_, Ali."

I could feel Alice's frown as she gathered me into her arms, tucking my head into her pale, smooth neck. "Charlie could _never_ hate you, my Isabella," she cooed in reassurance, gripping me tightly. "He might me upset and surprised when you tell him, but I promise that he could never hate you, or even stay upset for longer than a day. I _promise_, Bella, it will be fine."

Warmth trickled through me. Oh, Alice. It never failed. _She_ never failed. She was there for me always. When I was a lost child with a lost mother, when I was a lonely shell, when I needed her. "Alice?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

She smiled into my hair. "Does this mean you can come over tonight, then? Esme made brownies."

I pulled away and clambered to my feet somewhat gracelessly, before helping Alice do the same, offering her a sad sort of grin. "Wouldn't miss it," I assured her, snatching up my sketchbook.

* * *

**Alice POV**

It had been a good week for me. I mean, watching my Isabella's distress was… distressing, to be sure, and I truly was panicked for a day or three there when she began behaving oddly. (Edward can attest to that.) However, as soon as Bella began to debate how to announce the fact that she liked girls, I saw what was wrong. At that point, I was happy. Deliriously happy. Esme even made Emmett take me outside to wrestle and blow off some steam. (It didn't work, of course. I kicked my dear brother's ass, even without 'cheating', and continued to bounce around the house like a lunatic.) My family –save Jasper, who just grinned stupidly at me whenever he saw me—all pretended to be annoyed with me, but I didn't think that was true. I think that they were happy for me. Happy that my Isabella and I were only growing closer. Happy that I now stood a chance with her, given that I played my cards right and convinced her to see me as more than a friend. I freely admit to using my visions in order to choose the future that had Bella coming out the soonest, picking and choosing the best things to say in order to get her to admit her sexuality. Carlisle scolded me for it, but it was halfhearted. No vampire had been forced to woo their mate as I had, because of Bella's humanity, and I wasn't about to be patient when I had the gift that I did.

Still, Bella was worth it. Lying here in my bed now, snuggled into my Isabella's warm, sleeping side, I couldn't bring myself to regret it. Every single moment that I'd spent with her was worth it, and I didn't regret shaping her future and speeding things along for her. My Isabella felt so much more comfortable now that she'd confessed to me this afternoon (a scenario that was surprisingly difficult to coax into reality). I could tell. And even though she'd decided to postpone the talk with her father until next Friday, she knew and I knew that her battle with herself was now halfway over, and the freshness of that thought filled the air even though she was sleeping.

I was close. _So_ close. Bella's coming out as a lesbian was a big step in my mission to win her as my own, and I could hardly lie still I was so excited. I only did so because Bella was sleeping, and I in no way wanted to disturb her rest. She was just too adorable when she was sleeping. It would be a crime to wake her, really. Her face was so… _peaceful_ when she was sleeping. Her beautiful mahogany hair fanned messily around her pale, defined face, and her dark eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks every once in a while. Bella always made the most interesting faces when she dreamed. Looking closely, I could see the faint smattering of tiny freckles across her nose that were really too small to see until her face was closely inspected. Her tantalizing heartbeat was slow and steady, so much less tempting than it used to be, and her breaths escaped the captivity of her plump pink lips regularly. Bella was beautiful, and it really was sweet torture to have her body pressed so closely to mine and yet be unable to show her how much I really, truly loved her.

God, and I did love Bella. If I didn't, I wouldn't be going to such lengths to win her heart as a human would. It was hard. So hard. But I would do it for her. It was important to me that I do this right. For her.

And there were some who might have never thought that shallow, bright, impatient Alice Cullen would ever say that. And just a few months ago, they would have been right. But I was a new Alice Cullen now, thanks to Bella. The girl was less than two weeks away from being seventeen years of age, and yet she had altered me, Alice, irrevocably, tossing away over ninety years of life with the radiance of her innocence. Of her love. Of her pain. Everything was different now, to me.

The funny thing is, I had always been told that vampires _couldn't_ change; that after our humanity was taken from us, we were fixed in place forever as the people we once were, never to be altered again. But that just wasn't true. At all. Our vampirism wasn't our enemy. Wasn't the reason our lives felt so hollow.

_Time_ was the enemy. Is the enemy. Not that it could ever wear my body away, but that it wears my spirit. Maybe that's because I don't know who I am. It's the same for my family as it is for me, though they don't see it, trapped as they are by their own fears and joys and their years upon years of regrets. It blinds them to who they are, and what they've become. I don't know who I am because, just like them, I've let what I do define me. I might not recall my life as a human, unlike the others, but in the same fashion, I am stagnant. Frozen in time. A soulless vessel that resets every few years like clockwork; sophomore year, junior year, senior year. College freshman. Sophomore. Junior. Senior. Buy more clothes. Take a joy ride. Suffer my thirst. Move. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Damned to run in brilliant circles until I fade into nothingness, because I have no meaning.

I'd never really hated myself until I realized that this… _this_ was my life.

And I'd never seen any of this before. Not clearly. Because I am defined by what I do. All people, everywhere, are. Ask someone to describe themselves, and nine times out of ten, their first descriptor will include a verb. 'I work as an accountant' or 'I like to draw'. Perhaps this is a human fallacy that is carried over into the next life –perhaps not—but it affects everyone, regardless of whether or not they admit it. I am no different.

My life was empty because I was defined by what I do, and in all honestly, perhaps this is still the case. But I like to think I'm breaking free. I don't want to be Rosalie, locked in her bitterness and her anger and her distrustfulness for eternity; or Edward, brooding and with a tendency towards martyrdom and an undying craving for validation. I _want_ to be able to change for the better, because I know I am far from perfect, and truthfully, I'm glad for this. I would hate to be perfect. I want the glow of achievement when I improve myself. The pain of failure. The joy of struggle. The happiness that hard-earned victory can bring. I want it. All of it.

Maybe I will change how I live my life, but I would rather change how I look at it. I cannot control my circumstances any more than any other creature on this Earth can. I cannot fight fate any more than I can fight a thunderstorm. I cannot fight the billowed darkness of the heavens that blots out the sun, nor can I fight the wind that sweeps over the loose foliage, swirling fallen leaves into coiled creatures that strike at my legs and hiss, but miss. I cannot fight the sweeping rain that drenches everything without discrimination. I am immortal and mortal all at once, and in my cocoon of wind and rain and terror I can find calm.

I used to be defined by what I do.

But _I_ define who I am. I realize that now. Because I am _more_ than a gilded clockwork toy who keeps winding herself up into eternity. I am _more_ than what I do, because I choose to be.

And it's our choices that make all the difference in the world, even if it's only to me.

Bella taught this to me –all of it—and I can never repay her. Not because she made me hate _what_ I am, but that she made me hate _who_ I am. And then she made me forgive myself. I have never experienced _anything_ more powerful.

Soft footsteps reached my ears from the hallway, shaking me out of my musings. I was always very alert when my Isabella was sleeping. It was her most vulnerable state, and I always felt very protective of her as she did so.

"It's me, Alice," Edward whispered from his place in the hall. He didn't open the door to my bedroom, so as to grant us our privacy, which I appreciated, but I couldn't help but wonder what he wanted. I immediately felt a little guilty for this sentiment, though. Edward was my closest friend, apart from Jasper, but ever since my Isabella had come into my life, I had spent less and less time with him. She was his singer, and while he had enough control not to attack her, he still tried to keep his distance because of the pain that being with her caused him. As for my part, I was practically glued to the girl's side. When Edward kept his distance from her, he kept his distance from me, and I really did miss him.

"Miss you too, Pixie-sticks," he chuckled.

I hummed a little in my amusement. I very much doubted that he had come to speak with me just because he missed me, though. A series of visions flickered through my mind's eye in a short burst as Edward suddenly felt indecisive.

He reached a decision. "Is that really how you feel, Alice?" he asked, sounding rather sad. "All of that… she taught this to you? Without her even knowing?"

I smiled indulgently and hugged my sleeping future mate closer to me, causing her to murmur and shift in response, burying her head in the join between my neck and shoulder. Sometimes, I really did wish that Edward could see her thoughts. She might be human, but if you really listened to what she had to say, when she chose to share her thoughts, Bella was as wise as Carlisle. It was impressive. She looked at life in such a unique way… I felt like it was a gift. Bella's mind was a gift, and I felt it a shame that Edward couldn't see it.

My brother laughed. "Now you're just teasing me!"

I giggled. Okay, maybe I was. But only a little bit!

Edward sighed, and though I knew what he was about to say, I wanted to hear him say it. "I'm really glad that she makes you happy, Alice," he obliged. "I might miss you, but listening to you think about her… I can't miss you. She makes you so alive, I almost don't need to hear her thoughts, because yours are so bright. I might not like that she's human, or my singer, but I am so very glad you found her."

I beamed. I was glad I found Bella too. I was also glad that my brother was glad for me, because that meant a lot, vampire or no.

"Have a nice evening, Alice," Edward chuckled, before walking back down the stairs.

That nighttime conversation opened the door to another good week.

Nothing remarkable happened at school, but that was fine by me. I went to class, pretended to eat lunch while Bella helped herself to the food off of our trays (she said that she wasn't paying for her own lunch when there was usually enough food left over on our plates to tide her over), and drove home at a bare minimum of thirty miles over the speed limit. It was the after school hours that –to use the slang phrases of the current decade—rocked. Edward was right when he said that I'd changed, because in all the moments during which Bella and I were inseparable, we didn't go shopping once, and I didn't really mind so much. I was happy, and Bella was happy too. There comes a point in any friendship where you could just sit together in an empty room in complete silence and be content in enjoying each other's company, and it was this point that my Isabella and I were thoroughly exploring. We really didn't exchange too many words that week, and maybe that's why it felt so special. Because we really didn't need to, and it was nice, knowing that. It was even nicer that the whole family were each making their little gestures to show that they supported Bella, in their own subtle ways. (Except for Emmett, who had never bothered to quite master the art of subtlety. He bought Bella and I matching rainbow track shorts. Even Edward, our resident prude, had to laugh at that one. Rosalie didn't even smack him.)

Friday came all too soon, though. We all knew that this was the night that Bella was planning to come out to Charlie, and nervousness was practically rolling off the girl in waves all day. She'd made sure to tell him that she wanted to talk with him about something beforehand, so there was no getting out of it this time. By the time she was leaving our house—I had dragged her over for a few hours after school—poor Jasper looked like he wanted to vomit.

I was concerned for her. My Isabella was silent the entire drive to her house, and silent even as I walked her up to her front door. She still hadn't breathed a word (or even considered it seriously enough to give me a vision of it) by the time she was reaching for the house key under the eave, and I just couldn't take it any more. This wasn't the comfortable silence that we had enjoyed all week. This was the silence of the dying man who is too sick to cry out, and I was not a fan.

My name is Alice Cullen and silence and I hate each other. Mostly because I'm one of those people that tends to break it. Don't judge me.

"Bella, it'll be okay," I finally blurted, darting my hand out to stop her from opening the door. I searched her face almost frantically. I couldn't stand to see her in distress, and the vampire in me was screaming at me to eliminate the threat to my mate. I couldn't in this case, however, and it was making me edgy. I was practically squirming where I stood. "Please don't look like you're walking to your death."

Thankfully, Bella gave me a watery smile and squeezed my hand reassuringly. "It's just a case of nerves, Ali. I'll be fine," she promised.

I mock glared at her in an attempt to hide just how much those words soothed me. "Good," I told her sternly, before leaning in and planting a light kiss on her cheek. This was something that I hadn't done since the day that I first formed the beginnings of our mate bond, and just like that day, electric tingles exploded from the point of contact between my lips and her skin. They were stronger now, though I wasn't sure if this was due to the increased intensity of my feelings or hers or both. It made me happy either way, though, and since I was prepared this time, I was able to muffle any surprise that might have shown on my face.

Funnily enough, Bella didn't seem too surprised either, but I wasn't about to question that. Why look a gift horse in the mouth?

"Good luck, Bella. Call me in the morning," I begged, before tearing myself away from her and walking back to my Porsche.

This was something that Bella had to do for herself.

That didn't stop me from shamelessly spying on her, though. The vision didn't come to me until several hours later, but it was of unusual clarity. I was immediately upswept in the ghostly images and voices drifting through my mind, and I stopped so suddenly that Jasper nearly rammed into my back. We were out hunting together, and were running back home. Jasper and I had been together for decades before joining the Cullen coven, and we had a special connection that no one else in the family could ever hope to match. Jasper was the subject of my very first vision, after all, so when he took in my glazed eyes and sudden rigidity, he knew exactly what kind of vision this was, and put a hand on my shoulder to let me know that he was there: that it was okay for me to let my guard down and lose myself in the future completely because he would make sure I stayed safe.

Did I ever mention that I love Jasper?

I blinked once, and let myself go.

. . .

_Bella and Charlie were seated on the couch in their living room. Charlie appeared faintly uncomfortable, but also nervous and concerned as he watched his daughter wring her hands and take a few steadying breaths. From the cracked windows, it was clear that night was falling quickly._

"_What is it, Bells?" Charlie asked with a frown._

_Bella blinked furiously and stared at her hands clenched in her lap for a few heartbeats before looking up. "Ch—Dad. I wanted to tell this to you in person before you hear it from someone else. After letting me live here after Mom…" Her voice trembled ever so slightly and she stumbled over the words. "Well, I owe you that much, at least."_

_Faint alarm was working its way across the ridges of Charlie's worn face. "What happened, Bella? What's wrong?"_

_Bella was quick to nip that one in the bud. "No, no, it's nothing bad, I promise," she squeaked. "It's just hard for me, you know?" They stared at each other in an endearingly awkward manner, before Bella apparently decided that it was best to just get it over with. "Dad, I want you to know that I'm a lesbian. I don't know if I'm going to come out to all of Forks yet, but I wanted you to know."_

_Charlie's expression was a curious mix between shock and 'are-you-joking?'. It was painfully obvious that he had absolutely no idea how to even begin to handle the situation. "Bella, I know that it's been rough for you, what with your Mom's cancer and the move," he began in a delicate (yet bumbling) way, "and I understand that you might feel a little confused right now…"_

_Now Bella was angry. It sparked in her chocolate eyes. "Confused? Do I look like I'm fucking _confused_ to you right now?" she demanded, clenching her fists tighter in her lap. "Don't you _dare_ try to pin this on what happened to Mom, Charlie. Just don't." She stood stiffly and fled the room, leaving Charlie on the couch looking lost and more than a little sad. After taking a quiet moment in the hall, Bella rushed up the stairs and spent the rest of the evening locked in her room, crying intermittently._

_. . ._

As the vision began to fade, I looked up at Jasper with pursed lips. He was staring back at me curiously. "It's Bella. She's going to talk to her father about liking girls," I explained without prompting, before wincing a little. "It's not going to go so great."

Jasper threw me a sympathetic grimace and plucked a stray spike of hair from my face. "When will it happen?"

I took a moment to absorb the fading light as the sun sank below the horizon. "Right about now, actually. It's almost don—" My voice abruptly cut as Bella made a snap decision and I was thrown rather violently back into my visions. Enough so that I swayed where I stood.

I immediately knew something was wrong.

. . .

_Bella stood stood stiffly and fled the room, leaving Charlie on the couch looking lost and more than a little sad. After taking a quiet moment in the hall, she hesitated at the base of the stairs before she rushed out the back door without so much as a jacket and strode straight into the forest that she always hiked in when she felt upset. She moved with uncharacteristic grace –didn't trip once—for several minutes before arriving at a small clearing and sitting down on top of a fallen log. For a moment, it looked like she might cry, but she was interrupted by a velvety voice._

"_Well, well. What do we have here?" And suddenly, there was a vampire in the clearing, standing not three feet in front of her. He had short, dark hair, a stocky build, and teasing red eyes._

_Upon seeing him, Bella let out a little shriek of terror and scrambled backwards. The strange vampire just laughed at her. "Well aren't _you_ a special one. You smell of vampire, but are still alive. I'll just take care of that, shall I, morsel?" he crooned, cocking his head to one side and taking a fluid step closer. He reached down with one pale hand and snagged Bella's left forearm between his fingers, snapping her wrist with barely an effort before backing off a little, clearly curious to see her reaction to this assault._

_Bella didn't cry out, though. She muffled her whimper of pain and lifted her chin defiantly, and even though her lips trembled, her voice was steady. "You can kill me, but Alice will know it was you. She'll tear you the fuck apart, you miserable little ball of sphincter pus," she spat at him._

_The vampire laughed heartily and snatched her up against his body so that her neck was bared to his glistening teeth. "Well you can save this _Alice_ a seat in Hell. How 'bout that, little lady?" With that, he sank his teeth into Bella's beautiful milky flesh and drained her dry, moaning wantonly at the taste of her blood. In mere moments, Bella was dead, and he dropped her corpse onto the forest floor with little ceremony. Her beautiful eyes were glassy, and the only light that shone in them was the light reflected from the moon. She was gone._

_. . ._

I was screaming bloody murder, and Jasper was –understandably—flipping out. "Alice? Alice? Talk to me Ali. What's going to happen?" he was yelling, resting his hands on my shoulders and shaking me a little, trying to snap me out of it.

Poor Jazz. I didn't have time to tell him what I saw. I could only hope that he would follow as I whirled around and started off in a dead sprint, trying to push my marble body past its limit in my effort to make it to Bella's side in time.

Faster, dammit, faster! Why, Bella? Why would you choose tonight of all nights to take a walk alone in the forest? How is it possible that if there's danger within a hundred-mile radius, you find it? How have I never seen this nomad coming to our territory before?

You can't die. I'll fucking kill you.

"Alice! Alice, wait!" Jasper was calling from behind me. I wasn't listening to him, and I was running faster that I thought I ever could. My mate was in danger, and I wasn't about to fail her.

I'm pretty sure that the three minutes and twenty-seven seconds that I spent tearing through the forest like a woman possessed were the longest three minutes and twenty-seven seconds that I have ever lived through. The future was in total flux. I wasn't sure if I could make it to Bella's side in time, nor was I certain that the both of us would survive the encounter with the nomad even if I did. Jasper was falling behind, lacking the desperation that I was currently flooded with to push him to run faster. I wasn't sure if his presence would help at all.

But even though those three minutes and twenty-seven seconds were long, they weren't indefinite, and I wanted to collapse in relief when I heard Bella's voice ahead of me. "You can kill me, but Alice will know it was you. She'll tear you the fuck apart, you miserable little ball of sphincter pus." God, I was so fucking proud of my Isabella. She was so brave, and she had so much faith in me. But I wouldn't have to avenge her, because I was going to save her. I had to. The thought of losing her filled me with a terror that made me feel like a wounded tiger. I didn't even care that I would be exposing myself anymore. I couldn't think past destroying the threat.

Luckily for me, there was a conveniently placed human-drinking vampire directly in front of me that I could use to take out my aggressions. Without so much as a battle cry, or an attempt to slow myself down, I took a flying leap at the fuckface who would dare to threaten _my mate_, knocking him clean of his feet and through three different trees as I tore at him viciously. I wasn't the best fighter in the world, because I was so small and couldn't put much power behind my blows. I was a fast little sucker though, and combined with the fact that this vampire was clearly not expecting to be interrupted, I had the advantage for the moment in this fight. I managed to rip his right arm off before he had time to process the fact that he was under attack.

This guy was good though, I had to admit. And when I heard my Isabella cry out in what I could only imagine was a potent mixture of fear and pain, I lost just enough focus for him to get a good clip in, sending me tumbling back to the edge of the clearing. That's when I noticed that Bella had foolishly stood up from her huddle behind the fallen log and was standing anxiously –idiotically—in the open. With a frustrated growl, I leaped at her and dragged her right back behind the limited shelter that the mossy log could offer her. "Stay," I instructed her forcefully before spinning around and falling into a defensive crouch.

Sure enough, the nomad had leaped back into the clearing. "I take it you're Alice?" he snarked, his eyes black pools of anger.

"And you're Dominique," I shot back, plucking his name from the future. I allowed a loud, threatening growl to escape from my clenched teeth. "Stay away from the human," I warned him. I was normally pretty damn adorable, but I had no way of containing the rage I felt towards Dominique, who I had seen would kill my mate, and I knew that my facial expression wasn't anything less than abso-fucking-lutely terrifying.

The dumbass had the gall to growl right back at me. "Like fuck I will, midget," he snarled, his voice dripping with hatred. "I'll drain her dry, right after I've ripped your fucking head off."

Several things happened then, all in the same moment. First was the vision that flashed through my mind of Jasper leaping from the tree line and tearing into Dominique. This was a comforting thing. Jasper was an unquestionable badass, and it's safe to say that he hadn't lost a fight yet. The God of War was a pretty good ally to have on your side. Second was that Dominique crouched and leaped straight at where I stood defensively in front of Bella. These first two occurrences were nothing remarkable in and of themselves. What was remarkable was the third occurrence: Bella's reaction. I could only imagine how unbelievably horrified she must have been in that moment. I mean, it's not every day that a pair of vampires start fighting to the death in front of you, growling and snarling and spitting like animals, and one of them missing an arm to boot.

She wasn't afraid of me though. She was afraid _for_ me. The moment that Bella realized that Dominique was on the attack, she wailed out "Alice!" in the most heartbreaking tone. And Jasper leaped, and Dominique leaped, and I braced myself for impact… and none of us ever collided.

It took me a moment to process what had happened, because in that moment, the only thing that was running through my head was, 'What the actual fuck?'

It was invisible, the barrier that suddenly erupted from behind me and knocked Dominique away from me. It tossed him clear to the other side of the clearing, and Jasper's body whooshed through the space that Dominique would have occupied nearly soundlessly. Jasper was too schooled in combat to let something as bizarre as this phase him, and merely launched himself off of a tree trunk parkour-style and proceeded to rip Dominique into tiny pieces to the horrid sound of screeching metal.

I, however, had turned, slack-jawed, to look at Bella. My Isabella had most certainly not 'stayed' and was once again standing in front of the fallen log. This time, however, she was deathly pale –most likely in shock—and her feet were planted firmly shoulder-length apart, both hands extended slightly in front of her like she was trying to push the danger away.

What threw me for a loop was the fact that it had actually _worked_. In that moment, I was absolutely sure about one thing. The invisible barrier that had stopped that vampire from attacking me had emanated from a _very_ human Bella.

Almost as if she had suddenly come to this same realization, the human girl met my eyes for one of her heartbeats before her eyelids fluttered and she fainted dead away in my arms. I cradled her to my chest gingerly, careful to avoid the wrist that was skewed at an awkward angle for fear of hurting her.

The crackle of flames and the nauseating sweet-bleach smell of burning vampire brought me back to reality somewhat, and Jasper returned to my side, winding one comforting arm around my waist while his other hand smoothed the crease between Bella's brows. "That was interesting," he commented lightly.

Yeah. That was one way of putting it.

* * *

_A/N: So, whatcha think? I am venturing a little farther from the canon-verse, like the brave adventurer that I am, but I promise that Dominique isn't just some random vampire that showed up. There's a reason he came to Forks, but you'll have to find that out later. (Insert evil laugh here.) I welcome any feedback and constructive criticism!_


	8. Chapter 8: Freaking Out

_A/N: So, early update! Why? Because I couldn't stand to learn about integrals for one moment longer. Not one. More. Moment. Fuck calculus. So I filled my math notebook with fanfic instead! (I need professional help.)_

_So please enjoy the fruits of my nerdiness, and pray for my soul, will you?_

* * *

Pivotal Moments: Chapter Eight  
Freaking Out

* * *

**Alice POV**

In the end, the only thing that Jasper and I could think to do was to bring Bella back to the house and see what Carlisle could do for her. Her wrist was definitely broken (I could hear the horrifying scraping noise that the bones made if we shifted her too much.) and even when I patted her face and called her name, Bella wouldn't wake, which I found mildly concerning. I let Jasper run with my Isabella cradled in his arms while I called Charlie to let him know that we had invited Bella on a last-minute weekend camping trip. At first, he hadn't wanted her to go, but it was simple enough to manipulate his guilty feelings after he'd upset his daughter so much not an hour ago. He'd allow Bella to 'camp' with us, if it made her happy. I did feel a little bad after I ended the call, because Charlie was generally a good guy who loved his daughter. Unfortunately for him, I loved his daughter too, and I couldn't have him discovering what had just happened tonight in the forest. Our run took only a few short minutes, and we soon found ourselves back at what Emmett liked to refer to as 'El Casa de Cullen'.

Rosalie flew at us the moment Jasper stepped through the door. "What the hell, Alice?" she shrieked upon seeing us, flitting to Jasper's side and running a gentle hand over my Isabella's too-pale cheek. Jasper growled at her, and she snapped right back at him before pulling Bella into her arms and laying her out on the couch. Knowing that she was in safe hands with Rosalie, I left her to it and dashed up the stairs and into Carlisle's study where I found him with his nose buried in a research paper. I just thanked whatever gods existed that he hadn't gone with Emmett, Esme, and Edward on whatever errand they'd decided to run.

"Carlisle, Bella's hurt," I conveyed shortly. I only remained in the room long enough to witness a fractional widening of his eyes, and bolted back downstairs. Now that I'd had a few minutes to acclimate to the situation, I was in full panic mode. The events of the evening all had some very severe repercussions, and I reached one inevitable conclusion.

I was so fucked.

Bella was hurt. I was practically crawling out of my skin at the thought. And not only was she hurt, whatever she'd done with that incredible invisible wall –which, if I weren't a vampire with impeccable memory I wouldn't have believed I'd seen—had caused her to faint dead away, and she wasn't waking up. And as if all of this weren't enough, she'd _seen_. Bella had seen what I could do. Seen what Jasper could do, and definitely felt what Dominique could do, too. My Isabella wasn't stupid by any means, and logic dictated that she would quickly realize that my family, Dominique, and myself weren't (or hadn't been, respectively) human.

I was so fucked. I was absolutely certain that the universe was whipping out the KY as I stood there.

Whimpering slightly from my place kneeling on the ground at Bella's side as she lay prone on the couch, I made a concerted effort to ignore my surroundings as Jasper began to quickly bring Carlisle and Rosalie up to speed on what had happened, illustrating his words with sharp gestures of his hands. Jasper only did that when he was –Peter's words, not mine—bitching about something. It was painfully obvious that being caught unawares by Dominique's intrusion into our territory had deeply disturbed him.

"Come on, Bella. Wake up, sugar, please," I begged in a whisper, as a brief search into the future proved fruitless. I really, really needed to know that Bella would be okay. My inner vampire was twisting and howling to be set free, wanting to destroy whatever it was that was keeping her asleep –away from me—and the more my panic swelled, the more difficult it was to maintain control. My hands were shaking as I moved them over Bella, checking for any injuries I hadn't yet noticed. Aside from the obvious broken wriest and a few rapidly darkening bruises and shallow scrapes, she seemed to have suffered no damage. She oozed a few beads of blood from a few of the cuts, but I'd never been less tempted by human blood in my life.

Carlisle chose that moment to approach, and I snarled savagely at him. I probably would have tried to attack him, but Jasper hit me with a powerful wave of lethargy and Rosalie rested a slender hand on my tensed shoulders to soothe me. My growls didn't quiet, but I relaxed out of my threatening posture, and Carlisle began his examination of my Isabella, just as calm and collected as always. I kept a close eye on him to appease my inner beast, but I was slowly calming down. I trusted my father. He would help me to protect my Isabella.

"I can set the wrist fairly easily," he commented after lifting the injured limb and gently applying pressure up and down its length with cold fingers, feeling the break. "It's a clean break. No crushing. Very painful, but it should heal just fine. As for the unconsciousness…" He trailed off and shook his head in what could only be described as awe. "From what Jasper tells me, her mind has undergone quite a good deal of unnatural strain. I have a feeling she'll wake when she's ready."

The diagnosis didn't exactly thrill me, but what can you do? I was glued to Bella's side, but kept clear of the splash zone as Rosalie (who had trained as a nurse: twice) helped Carlisle put on the cast. I hadn't known that Carlisle had stocked medical supplies in the house when Bella came into our lives, but I couldn't be anything but grateful for the man's foresight. Generally, that was my department, and it was nice to be the one pleasantly surprised, for a change.

But Bella still didn't wake. I stayed there, kneeling, for hours, and she didn't wake. Even when Esme, Emmett, and Edward came home and heard what happened and flipped the fuck out (loudly, I might add) she still didn't wake. The others were all concerned with what to tell Bella once she did regain consciousness and began to question us on what exactly we were, but for all I cared, the Volturi could go fuck themselves in their stupid sparkling asses. I wouldn't blatantly lie to Bella after she'd seen me save her life, and she'd made such an incredible –if misplaced—attempt to save mine. Fuck the rules. I'd take the death sentence.

And yet Emmett and Jasper weren't sure I would be put to death if the Volturi found out. While I wasn't paying attention to my family during this vigil, I couldn't help but hear them. While Rosalie and Edward were all for making excuses to Bella about what she'd seen, my two other brothers wanted to tell her the truth. They said that the only other law the Volturi enforced was the law that mates were sacred. My mate being human, this put the law at odds against itself. They also argued that the Volturi themselves made use of enlightened human servants, the loophole being that you could inform a human of the vampires' existence if you intended to change or kill them.

I wouldn't lie and say that the idea of a vampire Isabella at my side was greatly appealing, but I wouldn't change her if it wasn't what she wanted. I would die for her right to retain her humanity, because I loved her. The option of changing her wasn't something that I was willing to discuss without Bella's input.

I would leave the family to protect them from the Volturi's retribution if I had to, but I wasn't going to lie to Bella when she asked what I was.

If she ever woke up, that is. A low keen had begun to bubble up in my throat at the six hour mark, and it hadn't stopped since. Frankly, I think I was pissing the others off, but I didn't care, as the thirteen hour mark was fast approaching, and I was going insane. Carlisle and Esme remained in the dining room, talking quietly, Rose and Em were in their room together (thankfully not having sex, for once) and Jasper and Edward had each wandered off outside to be alone, but they hadn't gone far.

God, _why_ was she still asleep? There wasn't a medical reason for it. Was it because of what she'd done when she was trying to protect me, not knowing that Jasper had arrived to help?

What if she didn't wake up? I whimpered again.

I didn't move though. I would stay as I was until I knew my Isabella was okay.

If I could have passed out in relief, I would have done so when Bella finally began to stir, almost fifteen hours after Jasper had carried her in and Rosalie had settled her on the couch. It was odd, really. She didn't wake up gradually as she had a propensity for. One moment, Bella was lying there, still and comatose as she had been for hours, and the next, her eyes had flown open and her heart rate and breathing adjusted instantly to their wakeful norm.

"Alice?" she breathed, catching sight of me at her side. I hadn't moved, for fear she'd be frightened of me. She'd seen me acting like an animal, and I was terrified that she would hate me. I couldn't bear that. But she wasn't acting afraid, and the happiness and relief that flooded my Isabella's open face as her eyes met mine was enough to convince me that, for the moment, everything was going to be okay.

I immediately let loose a dry sob. "Oh my gods, Bella, I was so scared for you," I whimpered, caught between being jubilant that my mate was awake and the urge to sweep her up in my arms and hide her away from the world. "I thought… I… Never do that to me again." I lurched at her and peppered her warm cheeks with frantic little kisses, still shaking and whimpering. I could hear the family gathering just out of sight, and I was glad they were letting us have this moment.

Giggling, Bella wrapped her arms around my waist. She jerked a little when she moved the arm in the cast (I could only assume that it hurt.) but didn't react otherwise, and simply snuggled herself into my body, pulling me up onto the couch with her and burying her face in my neck. "Thank you for coming to save me, Alice," she said quite solemnly, and very quietly. "I knew you would."

I couldn't speak for a moment, because it suddenly felt like I swallowed a golf ball. Bella… she trusted me. Just like that. Like it was nothing. But her faith in me was my most prized possession. I whimpered again, like a wounded animal, and buried my nose into her hair so that I could take several quick, deep breaths of her delectable scent. The burn in my throat that it caused was almost a masochistic pleasure for me now. I welcomed it, because it meant that she was alive. "I was so scared I wouldn't make it in time," I confessed. "If you died I… I… I don't know what I'd do, Bella." My words were smothered in my tearless sobs. "And then you wouldn't wake up even when I called you and I was so scared…"

"Shhh, Alice," Bella cooed, running her fingers through the hair at the back of my neck soothingly, causing me to shudder. "It's okay. I'm okay. You showed up in plenty of time and we'll both be fine. Please don't cry."

I just nodded silently, but I didn't move, and continued to hold my Isabella. She didn't protest, and I was glad that she seemed to sense that I needed this. I was falling apart at the seams and this girl was the only thing holding me together.

* * *

**Bella POV**

When I woke up, I felt… funny. I hadn't been sleeping, really. I was just… stopped. It was fucking weird, to be honest. I was always a vivid dreamer, and it was very rare that I experienced a dreamless sleep, but the unconsciousness that I experienced was much like that, in that I didn't dream. It seemed deeper though, and it scared me a little, to be honest. I felt like I had been in lockdown, and I couldn't think or feel anything.

But I certainly could now.

So, Dominique the psychotic vampire thought I'd make a nice snack. I could honestly say that I hadn't seen that one coming. I mean, I thought that if I were to become vampire chow, I'd at least fall victim to one of the Cullens. Not that I didn't trust them or anything, but I didn't miss the way Edward cringed when I blushed or the longing stares that were sometimes directed at my neck from various members of the family, where my pulse was most visible. Besides, what were the odds that I'd run into _another_ vampire? I already knew seven!

I must have killed my own mother or some shit in another life. Not only was I clumsy, but my luck was abysmal. Assuming that there were eight vampires in the area, I had gone and found the only red-eyed human-drinking one.

Awesome.

I knew what he was as soon as I'd seen him. I also knew that I stood no chance of defending myself. But I felt in my heart that Alice would end him once she found out he'd eaten me, and I told him so.

My heart soared when Alice literally flew into the clearing to save me. I'd never seen her this way, all primal and fierce and wild. She was beautiful. Thrilling to watch. I was scared for her, though. The other vampire that she was fighting was three times her size, and even though Alice was clearly winning the fight, I couldn't help but be concerned for her. I just couldn't stay huddled behind the fallen log where she'd placed me and do nothing, so I'd peeked around it. I felt so proud of Alice as she defended me, and so ashamed that I was making her, and when I could tell that Dominique, as she'd called him, was lunging for her and she wasn't going to move… I just couldn't bear to let it happen. I couldn't let my Alice get hurt, no matter what.

The strength that filled me then… I'd never felt anything like it. I'd never had the greatest sense of self-preservation. (Duh.) But Alice, I would give anything to protect. I could accept my own death at the hands of this vampire, but not hers. Never hers. I didn't want him anywhere fucking _near_ her. I'd felt a bubble of defensiveness burst in my chest, and I forced it away from me. To Alice. I wanted to protect Alice.

And then? It _worked_. I was so shocked that I lost my focus, and the feeling of power suddenly snapped back into my chest like a rubber band, and it fucking _hurt_. It was worth it though. I could see Jasper ripping Dominique to bits, and Alice's beautiful molten gold doe-eyes locking onto mine, filled with shock and concern.

That's when I stopped working. My chest just hurt too much, and I'd felt it restrict against the pain and then I felt nothing until I'd been released.

And now I was in Alice's arms, trying to calm her down as she cried. Her terror was palpable to me, poisoning the air, but I was just happy. I was alive because she'd saved me, but that wasn't a new concept to me. Alice was always saving me, every day I lived and breathed, but this was the first time I was able to really, truly thank her for it. In a way, I was just as eager to know she was okay as she was to see if I was, and it was nice to just quietly be together.

Of course, I was only human. "Not to ruin the moment, Alice, but I'm kind of thirsty," I admitted, pulling away slightly. "Got any water on you?"

My friend looked horrified. You know, on top of the fact that she looked like a complete mess. I'd never seen the girl look anything less than impeccable, but her clothes were dirty and torn, her hair was mussed as if she'd been pulling at it, and her porcelain face was smudged with dirt. It was startling to me, but I was oddly touched at the little sign that she cared. "Dear Lord, I totally forgot! I'll be right back!" she exclaimed before blurring away at a speed that was clearly inhuman.

Okay. Were we not pretending that I was oblivious anymore?

Whatever. That works, I guess.

In an instant, Alice was back, water bottle in hand. She cracked it open with a deft twist and gently placed it to my lips. I didn't object, and guzzled at it greedily. The familiar, throbbing ache jolting up my arm told me that the bone was broken, if the memory of Dominique snapping the limb and the bulky cast currently encasing it weren't a good enough reminder. It hurt like a bitch, and I was suddenly very glad that Alice was thoughtful enough to help me. I didn't know how long I'd been asleep, but I ached all over, and I was drop-dead tired, and it wouldn't have felt too good to hold the bottle myself.

I gulped down the last of the water quickly, and took a moment to catch my breath. The water helped, and I ached a little less. "Thank you, Alice," I sighed, twisting and leaning back so that my head rested against the back of the couch and closing my eyes. I felt different now, and I knew it was because of what I did to protect Alice. The bubble I'd felt in my chest was still there. Tiny. Nestled within me like a tiny glowing coal. It wasn't an uncomfortable sensation, but it wasn't exactly pleasant either, and I hoped I'd get used to it quickly, or that it'd go away. I felt like a freak. I didn't know what it was. And yet… it protected Alice. Nothing that protected Alice could possibly be bad. I'd be okay with being a freak if Alice could be kept safe, I decided, and I felt better for it.

"Bella?"

"Yes Alice?"

"Are you okay?" Her voice was small. Ashamed, almost.

I opened one eye and studied the little vampire. She was seated about six inches away from me, her eyes riveted to my face, and her hands kept twitching slightly, as if she wanted very badly to touch me but wouldn't allow herself to. I didn't understand why she looked that way. "I'm perfect, Alice. Just a little tired," I promised with a tender smile. I even opened my other eye. "Why the long face?"

She stared at me incredulously. "How are you so calm?" she finally demanded after a poignant moment of quiet.

I tilted my head to one side and considered her. Even the littlest moments can change your life forever. Those chance occurrences that are the axis upon which your life spins. I was young. I'd only experienced two: the first being the moment my mother was diagnosed, and the second being the moment I befriended Alice Cullen. I'd known from the start that she would change everything about me. I'd never been surprised that she was more than human. She was far too beautiful to be anything so mundane as human. I didn't mind in the least, because I loved her. It wasn't sisterly love, nor was it the puppy love of an obsessed teenager. It wasn't love that was consumed by lust, but it wasn't the love of a friend either. I loved her in… in a pure sort of way, I suppose. Alice was everything to me, and her happiness was everything to me. I loved her because she was more beautiful on the inside than she was even on the outside (not an easy feat to manage). A more detailed 'why' would be hard for me to convey, and I honestly didn't want to. There really didn't need to be a 'why'. I just loved her with everything I had because she deserved it, and that was that. Nothing else really needed to be explained. Alice gave me back my world, and now she _was_ my world. This was irrevocable, and I was fine with that.

Funny, that I hadn't really thought about this before now. I wasn't surprised at my mini-revelation though. Maybe I'd always known.

"Should I be less than calm?" I asked her in response, genuinely confused.

Alice gawped at me. "Yes, of course you should!" she spluttered, flinging her hands into the air.

I blinked. "Sorry then," I said with a shrug, before turning to gaze out of the floor-to-ceiling windows. It was suspiciously light outside. "How long was I out for?"

"Almost fifteen hours," Alice responded stiffly.

I blinked again, mildly surprised. Note to self: don't let magical shield-bubble snap back again. Hurts like a bitch and makes Alice flip her shit. "Where is everyone?" I asked, curious. The house was never this empty.

Alice shifted a little and frowned. "Listening in on us," she admitted, looking a little embarrassed. "No one was sure how you'd react."

I just nodded. It was understandable. It wasn't every day that you were exposed as a vampire. If I weren't so weird, I'd probably be doing the smart thing and running away from the supernatural creatures that were oh-so capable of killing me. Luckily, I was an oddball. "Charlie?" I inquired lightly.

"You're camping right now," Alice responded with a wry smile.

I snorted happily, a little amused. "That's great! I broke a bone last time I went camping too. He won't bat an eye at the new cast," I informed her, shaking my head at my own clumsiness. I kept hoping I'd grow out of it. No such luck so far, but a girl's gotta dream, right?

The nonchalant attitude apparently wasn't popular with the Cullens though, and I guess that poor Rose just couldn't take it anymore, because suddenly, she was in front of me, her topaz eyes a little wild.

"Okay, this is ridiculous," she announced as the rest of the Cullens rushed in at a more human pace, each scolding her for bursting in so suddenly. Alice hissed at her sister, but I wasn't really worried. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I frowned. That stung a little. Why was Rose suddenly acting as cold as she had in the beginning? I wasn't going to take it though. I didn't take shit anymore, and as much as I liked Rose, I didn't want to let her get away with it. "Well, my arm's broken," I responded cheekily, waving my cast around. It throbbed, but I didn't care. I didn't stop talking though, and began to tick off my statements on the fingers of my good hand. "I'm PMS-ing. I'm having chocolate withdrawals because Charlie doesn't buy any when it's his turn to go to the store. It feels like my ass is bruised. Alice is looking at me like I'm some sort of time bomb. I have suddenly evolved a freaky mind-power that totally kicked my ass. My dad thinks that I'm mentally disturbed because of my mother's death and –oh yeah—you're in my fucking face. Did I miss anything?" I snapped.

Rosalie didn't respond. Actually, every single one of the Cullens froze. Like, really froze. They even stopped breathing as they just _stared_ at me. I wasn't about to let this situation turn into a _total_ clusterfuck though, and decided to play nice. Well… nice-_er_.

"Oh, and Jazzy?" I asked sweetly, facing the blonde boy who was eyeing me warily. "I owe you a thank-you as well. Thanks for avenging my poor arm."

He looked supremely uncomfortable. "Oh, uh. Well… you're welcome, Bella," he stuttered.

I beamed at him. "You too, Carlisle," I added, turning to the man. His face was carefully neutral. "You did a great job on the cast. I've had a lot of them, so I'd know."

"Bella dear, don't you have… questions?" Esme threw in tentatively, giving me that goddamned stare that they were all wearing. It was like they expected me to burst into tears on the spot or something. Not likely! No offence to them, but after having met Dominique, I realized that the Cullens were kind of pansy-ass vampires. Sure, they were _capable_ of going off on a mass killing spree, but I knew that they never would. Definitely not sadistic enough. Not that I'd ever have the balls to say that out loud, though.

I rolled my eyes and laid back down across the couch so that my head was resting in Alice's lap and my feet were propped lazily on its arm. "Not really," I admitted, noting that Rosalie looked like she didn't know whether to be extremely pissed or highly incredulous. "You drink from animals. That's all I need to know."

Yeah. These long, unnaturally still silences need to stop. Way too awkward.

"How long have you known?" Alice asked, almost inaudibly. Looking up at her angelic face, I could see that she looked stricken. Ashamed. Why was she ashamed?

"Over a week," I admitted with a dismissive twist of my lips. "Wasn't expecting to run into a homicidal red-eyed vampire though. Somehow, I thought that after meeting seven vampires, I'd sort of filled my quota for the year. Some luck, huh?" I shook my head in mild disbelief. Seriously. This could _only_ happen to me.

Alice just let out another of her pained noises and squeezed my good hand, and I smiled up at her reassuringly. She still looked anxious, but I knew that she was calming down a little.

"You… you _knew_? And you were all over us all week like nothing was wrong?" Rosalie spluttered. Her stance wasn't quite aggressive. More defensive, but then again, I'm no expert. "You… you _hugged_ me yesterday!" Her voice rose an octave, and she was waving her hands about and looking a little hysterical. Emmett rested a meaty hand on her shoulder, but the others remained unnaturally still, studying me.

I raised an eyebrow from the haven of Alice's lap. "What did you expect me to do? Run away screaming and gather the torches and pitchforks?" I quipped. When it looked like Emmett was about to pipe up and say 'yes' I cut him off. "Rhetorical question. Frankly, I don't give a flying fuck that you're a vampire, Rose," I added calmly. I suppose that I should have been nervous, confronting a vampire like this when one had almost killed me, but I felt oddly comfortable. I could understand why Rosalie was freaking out. She was freaking out because I _wasn't_ freaking out, and if I wasn't freaking out, it seemed she'd do it for me. I knew it was only because she worried for me, and I felt a sudden rush of affection for her. Rose was the best big sister ever, even if she really didn't show it in a direct way. "You're still you and I'm still me and I love you just the same," I continued. I felt a spark of humor and smirked a little. "Besides, I've gotten free lunch out of the deal all week, guilt-free. What's not to love?"

Jasper moved a few feet closer to me so quickly that I didn't see it happen, ignoring how Alice tensed and snarled quietly at him. The blonde was looking at me with a strange mixture of 'are-you-insane?' and awe and gratitude. "You're telling the truth," he breathed, clearly fascinated. "You aren't even nervous."

"No shit, Sherlock," I snorted, ignoring how Esme pursed her lips at my language. (She was always scolding her children for their dirty mouths, and made no exception for me, so I was swearing as I pleased while I could still get away with it.)

This was starting to get ridiculous, though. I knew I was weird, but I wasn't _this_ weird! Scowling at Jasper, I sat back up and snuggled right into Alice's side –close enough that I was practically in her lap. I ignored how rigid and still she was and tore my eyes from Jasper's face, instead sweeping them over the assembled family that looked like very well-dressed wax statues. I still felt achy all over and like absolute shit, but I needed to handle this now.

"Look," I sighed. "I've been taking care of myself since I was four, and taking care of whichever parent I was staying with since I was seven. I know what I'm doing, but when my mom was in the hospital, everyone decided that they suddenly had the right to make my decisions for me, without consulting me." I scowled at the memory. I hated feeling helpless, and I'd never felt more helpless in my life then. Not even when I thought that Dominique was going to eat me. "After that, I made a promise to myself that I would be the only one to make decisions about my life. No one else." After all, what are we if we don't have our choices? I didn't know, and didn't care to find out. "When I figured out that you weren't exactly human, I had a choice. None of you have ever forced me to do anything. Well, except for Alice when she made me go into Victoria's secret," I snickered. "I could have chosen to cut you completely out of my life when I first found out, or at any time after that, but I didn't. I trust you. I chose to stay because you mean something to me, and I'll stand by that decision."

I was genuinely afraid that Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett (the big softy) were going to burst into tears on the spot. Alice stirred and pulled me onto her lap, twining her cool arms around my middle and holding me tightly against her. There was no way that I was going to argue with that, but I still didn't tear my eyes away from the others' faces. They'd resumed the small movements and fidgeting that made them seem more human, which I took as a good sign.

"Why didn't you say anything to us?" Edward seemed genuinely curious.

I smiled warmly, glad that a little bit of the tension was finally leeching from the room. "I figured that you didn't tell people for a reason, and that if you'd wanted me to know, you'd tell me when you were ready," I explained.

Edward wiped the smile right off my face, though. "You make us sound so much better than we are," he muttered bitterly. Esme glared at him reproachfully.

I took a small breath and twisted my mouth into a small half-smile, suddenly feeling sad. It hadn't occurred to me that my second family would be so deeply insecure in their nature, to the point that it seemed every one of them was just waiting for me to start screaming at them like I hated them. It struck me as terrible that even I could taste the self-loathing permeating the air. It hurt, because I loved them all too much for hem to not love themselves. I thought about chewing Edward's emo ass out, but decided that it wasn't the way to approach things.

"You control you," I finally commented in a mild sort of way. "Just like I control me. If you wanted to kill me, you'd have done it already. Seeing as I was still alive last time I checked, I trust you all to control yourselves." I blinked, running that last statement back through my mind once more. What a strange thing to say out loud to someone! My life was so odd. But I had Alice in it, so I wouldn't have it any other way.

I suppose the sentiment carried, because Esme rushed at me and before I knew it, I was a Bella-sandwich pressed between Alice (who hadn't let go of me) and Esme's front as she hugged us. I giggled at the contact and wiggled partially free of Alice's grip so that I could use my good arm to return Esme's gesture. Esme's hugs were the best hugs in the entire world. They were warm like cocoa, even though she was so cold, and you couldn't help but feel content in her arms. It was magic. I even managed to forget about how much my casted arm, resting docilely in my lap, hurt as I sighed contentedly.

And then my stomach growled. Even Rosalie, who looked a half-second away from a panic attack, chuckled a little as I blushed heavily.

"Time to feed the human!" Emmett sang, literally skipping into the kitchen after dragging Edward into a headlock, pulling the cursing boy along with him. Jasper got a sort of evil look on his face and followed.

Nervously, I glanced at Carlisle. "Should I be worried about them?"

The man grimaced ever so slightly. "Probably," he admitted. "But if you can eat something, I could give you something for the pain," he offered in his doctor-voice.

I brightened considerably. "Got the good stuff, Doc?"

"You'll have the best weekend ever," the vampire promised with a straight face. It was ruined when his lips twitched though, and I knew that he thought I was funny.

I grinned widely and leaned back into Alice as he left –presumably to find my happy juice. Esme and Rosalie excused themselves as well, Esme to chaperone the boys in the kitchen (some alarming noises were floating from their direction) and Rosalie fleeing upstairs. I didn't know why, but I thought that maybe she wanted to be alone. This just left Alice and I curled up on the couch. I would have been content to doze off in her lap, but she spun me sideways so that I could turn my head to face her.

"I don't understand," she admitted with an adorable frown. "Aren't you afraid?"

I didn't want to lie to her, and when I looked into her delicate features, I knew I wouldn't. "I was very much so of Dominique," I ceded. "I was afraid that he would hurt me. Hurt you."

Her eyes widened fractionally and she released a slow breath, tightening her grip on me. "Is that why that happened?" she asked, a burning curiosity overtaking the insecurity in her eyes. "That invisible burst?"

Right. That incessantly smoldering bubble in my chest that I'd only just managed to forget existed, but that now was reminding me of its presence with a strange sort of fluttering swell. "I… I think so?" I responded after a moment, shaking my head slightly in an effort to clear it. It didn't work though, and I could feel tears clawing their way into my throat. "I was just so terrified, Alice. He was just so angry with you and I couldn't bear it if… I…" I had to pause. I was trembling at the memory of the way that Dominique had looked at Alice –because he wouldn't hesitate to kill her—and the bubble in my chest was throbbing almost comfortingly like a second heart. "I don't know what happened," I continued once I regained more control with a shuddering breath. "It was like something inside me just _snapped_ and it startled me so badly that I couldn't control it, and it hurt so _badly_." I shivered slightly. "Please don't think I'm a freak, Alice."

She laughed. She tossed her head back and _laughed_ at me. I was surprised and a little hurt. Why was she laughing at me? Didn't she believe me?

Alice must have seen some of this on my face, because she quickly leaned in and pressed an affectionate kiss to my cheek. "I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you. Promise," she whispered to me.

I frowned at her.

No one could ever accuse Alice of being stupid. She elaborated very quickly. "It's just that that's probably the most normal thing about you," she blurted. "I mean, lots of vampires have special talents. Carlisle thinks that human qualities are amplified when we're turned, and that if a human has a sort of special power or ability, it's carried over. It's not common, but it's not unheard of either, so I'm impressed by what you did, but not floored." Alice tended to babble when she was nervous. I was listening closely though, relieved more than I thought I would be at the thought that I wasn't a freak. "We've never met a human that wasn't terrified of us, though. I was so scared that you wouldn't ever want to see me again, and I couldn't see what you were going to say at all. Probably because I was panicking so much, but—"

"Wait, see what I was going to say?" I interrupted, confused.

Alice blinked, then looked a little sheepish. "Oh, right. You don't know about that yet," she squeaked. "I can kind of… see the future."

Of fucking course.

* * *

_A/N: I'd really like to thank everyone who's reviewed. I've gotten some really great support and ideas from you guys, and it really helps keep the inspiration coming. So thanks, reviewers!_


	9. Chapter 9: The Body Electric

_A/N: Finals for the semester are over! Let's celebrate, with a new chapter! :D  
__I'd love to thank all of you for your wonderful feedback, by the way. You people are seriously the nicest fandom ever, which I did not expect, but was definitely a pleasant surprise._

_OH! OH! And about this chapter. Bella's high moments? Personal experience from that particular pain medication. (I had my wisdom teeth removed.)_

* * *

Pivotal Moments: Chapter Nine  
The Body Electric

* * *

**Bella POV**

Is it terrible that the revelation that I'm not the only one with freaky mind powers makes me feel so much better? Because it does. My brain is telling me that I should be flipping my shit right about now, but my body is lethargic, and my heart is fluttering in its excitement.

Of course, that might just be the Percocet. Carlisle really came through, after I'd wolfed down the slightly charred grilled cheese sandwich that Emmett had presented to me with a proud sort of grin. Oxycodone, which was Carlisle's first choice for me, always made me nauseous, so he'd settled for the Percocet instead, though I warned him it made me high as a kite. (I'd had half a mind to ask why vampires would have such a high amount of medical supplies on hand anyways, but Alice had intervened and told me not to ask. I was never going to get used to the whole 'I-see-the-future' thing.) I'd swallowed the pill at Alice's insistence, as she'd disregarded my protests, and taken a thirty minute nap while Alice showered and cleaned herself up after her fight (which was the condition I'd set for my consumption of the painkillers). By the time she'd returned and I'd blinked my way back to consciousness, I was diagnosably loopy.

Did I mention that I don't handle painkillers well?

Alice, once again returned to her natural immaculate state, flounced down the stairs and I lolled my head backwards over the arm of the couch so I could see her do so, grinning languidly. She stopped halfway down the stairs and stared at me in confusion.

I pouted at her. "What?" I asked.

"Are you all right?" she inquired, a little too delicately.

Fortunately for her, I wasn't in a state to pick up on anything subtle. "I'm _wonderful_," I giggled. Emphasis on the wonderful. I blinked as my eyes lost a little focus and then pouted, lifting my broken arm. "My cast is boring. Sign it Ali? Please? You always make everything so beautiful."

"Oh! I… sure, Bella," she answered, a little taken aback. She zipped back up the stairs and then down again, returning with a sharpie. By this time, Emmett and Jasper had also entered the room. The larger brother had a shit-eating grin on his face.

"You know, you always look so scary, Em," I commented, sitting up but overbalancing enough that I swayed. "But you're the biggest softie in the whole house!"

Alice looked stricken. "Oh my God," she breathed. "What's _wrong_ with her?"

Emmett just laughed and sat next to me, tossing one burly arm over my shoulders. "You're totally smashed, aren't you Bellsie?" he snickered.

I thought about it for a moment, meditating on the fact that my whole body was filled with a pleasant buzzing feeling. "Yes," I agreed solemnly. I shook my head in an attempt to clear it, but that just made me dizzy, and I leaned back into the couch cushions as the world spun dangerously. "Jasper, do I feel funny?" Alice had told me that Edward could read minds (but not mine, so suck my dick, Edward) and that Jasper could sense emotions.

Jasper laughed out loud. This made me grin widely, because I didn't think he laughed enough. "You have no idea, Bella," he confirmed. "I really wish Edward could read your mind. With what you're feeling right now, I'd love to know what's going through that pretty little head of yours."

I widened my eyes and shook my head so vigorously that I fell over. Alice caught me though, giggling, before draping herself over the arm of the couch and attacking my plain white plaster cast with her sharpie. It was purple, which I thought was nice. "No, that would be bad," I told Jasper. "If Edward could read my mind, he'd know that I think he's so far in the closet he's in Narnia. Then he'd be mad," I explained.

A crash sounded from upstairs, and Jasper and Emmett started laughing so hard that I was honestly surprised they weren't crying. Then again, they _were_ vampires, so maybe they couldn't. Either way, Edward's indignant cries of protest that I couldn't quite catch made me giggle. "Sorry Edward. Vampire hearing. I forgot," I laughed. I didn't really feel that bad about it, but I was nothing if not polite.

Alice finished up her work on the cast with a flourish. She'd signed her name in a net of beautifully detailed vines and flowers. Stupid vampire. I wish I could draw like that. I hadn't meant to say that out loud, though, but when I did, I began to have serious concerns for Emmett. He was going to hurt himself if he kept laughing like that. I said that out loud too.

Oops?

"You're cut off," Alice informed me sternly. Her beautiful golden eyes were dancing with amusement though, so I know she didn't mean it.

I paused. "From what?" I questioned. Honestly. _She_ was the one who insisted I take something for the pain.

Rosalie strode into the room then, more composed than she had been earlier. She looked down at Emmett, who was still at my side, with a mixture of reluctant amusement and exasperation. "You." She pointed at him. "Stop encouraging her." She pointed at me, and I grinned up at her. "You." She pointed at Jasper. "Go find some Civil War documentaries to yell at. You." She pointed at Alice, who was in the process of sticking her tongue out at Emmett. "Take your girlfriend upstairs. She's a mess. And you." She pointed at me, her face twitching in amusement as she watched me try and fail to focus my eyes on her accusing finger. "What have you got to say for yourself?"

Without thinking, I lurched forwards and hugged her waist as best I could under the circumstances. "You're the best big sister _ever_ Rose!" I hummed happily.

She was quiet for a moment, but I wasn't really in a position to see the blonde's face, so I couldn't say for sure what she was thinking. Not that I was in a state to care, mind you. When she spoke again, however, her voice was softer than usual. "Alice? Upstairs."

I could feel Alice wrap an arm around my waist, and I stood, leaning on her whenever I felt dizzy. Which was a lot. The floor wouldn't stay still, dammit! I looked up, ready to chatter more with Rosalie, but the pair of us were alone in the room. It seemed that both Jasper and Emmett were suitably terrified of Rosalie, and that Rosalie wasn't in the mood to talk right now.

"This way, my Isabella," Alice cooed in my ear, leading me up the stairs and towards her room. "You should probably sleep this off. Carlisle says he'll only give you a half dose next time."

I turned so I could see her face. "I _did_ tell you," I grumbled. "I wasn't hurting _that_ bad.

Alice had the grace to look a little ashamed of herself, before grinning wickedly. "It was worth it, to see you without a filter though," she cackled.

I rolled my eyes and pushed open the door to her room, crossing the floor before crawling onto Alice's fluffy four-poster bed. She lay beside me quietly, and for a few minutes, we didn't speak. I was listening to my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. "Alice?"

"Yes?"

"Did you ever think about putting a coffin in here? Just for shits and giggles?"

Alice laughed out loud, and the mattress trembled a little in sympathy. "You know that's just a myth, right?" she questioned.

I blinked up at the ceiling. "Of course! I might be human, but I'm pretty sure I would have noticed if you had a coffin in your bedroom, Alice," I exclaimed.

"You sure?" she teased.

I smacked her stomach weakly. "Not nice," I scolded her.

"Sorry," she apologized somewhat insincerely. I smacked her again and she giggled. "We don't even sleep," she confessed.

I blinked. "Weren't our sleepovers boring?" I blurted.

"No," she replied simply.

Well that's that, I suppose. Sighing, I closed my eyes. My body was tired, but my brain was running at hyperspeed. I tapped my fingers on the bedspread rhythmically for another few long minutes. It took me a while to remember what rhythm I was tapping. My thoughts were like fish, scattering away in a silver flurry when I approached and slipping through my fingers as soon as I managed to catch one. "_I sing the body electric,_" I recited quietly –almost imperceptibly—as the rhythm finally came to me. "_The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them, They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them, And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the soul. Was it doubted that those who corrupt their own bodies conceal themselves? And if those who defile the living are as bad as they who defile the dead? And if the body does not do fully as much as the soul? And if the body were not the soul, what is the soul?"_

I could feel Alice's smile, even if I couldn't see it. She took my uninjured hand in hers, exploring all of its facets by touch as if she were afraid of forgetting it. _"This is the female form,"_ she quoted from farther along in the poem. I didn't mind that she skipped a few stanzas though. It was a long poem. _"A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot, It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction, I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor, all falls aside but myself and it, Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth, and what was expected of heaven or fear'd of hell, are now consumed, Mad filaments, ungovernable shoots play out of it, the response likewise ungovernable, Hair, bosom, hips, bend of legs, negligent falling hands all diffused, mine too diffused, Ebb stung by the flow and flow stung by the ebb, love-flesh swelling and deliciously aching, Limitless limpid jets of love hot and enormous, quivering jelly of love, white-blow and delirious juice, Bridegroom night of love working surely and softly into the prostrate dawn, Undulating into the willing and yielding day, Lost in the cleave of the clasping and sweet-flesh'd day."_

She paused for breath, and I jumped right in, enunciating the words with reverence. Words are important. Especially beautiful ones like these. I continued almost breathlessly. _"This the nucleus—after the child is born of woman, man is born of woman, This the bath of birth, this the merge of small and large, and the outlet again. Be not ashamed women, your privilege encloses the rest, and is the exit of the rest, You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul. The female contains all qualities and tempers them, She is in her place and moves with perfect balance, She is all things duly veil'd, she is both passive and active, She is to conceive daughters as well as sons, and sons as well as daughters. As I see my soul reflected in Nature, As I see through a mist, One with inexpressible completeness, sanity, beauty, See the bent head and arms folded over the breast, the Female I see."_

Alice didn't continue, and I was glad. There wasn't a need to. I was already breathless. She simply continued to press my warm hand between her icy ones. "I didn't know you liked Whitman," she commented in a husky sort of voice that made me shiver.

"Sometimes, a poem isn't just a poem," I explained, as if this explained everything. And it did. To me, at least. "Sometimes, words mean more than what they say."

Alice released a shaky breath, and she squeezed my hand ever-so-gently. "And what did those words mean?"

I hummed sleepily and squeezed back. "Everything."

I fell asleep then and there.

* * *

**Alice POV**

My Isabella slept restlessly for a few hours. The others went about their business in the house, but I didn't budge an inch from her side, choosing to lounge at the foot of the bed and thank whatever deities existed that Bella took the whole situation so well. I could hardly believe that she _knew_ what I was, and didn't care. At all. It was a miracle in my eyes. I was the luckiest vampire on the planet, truly.

Thankfully, by the time she woke up, she was back in her right mind. Mostly. Not that it wasn't hilarious to see her so out-of-her-mind stoned, but Edward was _still_ sulking over the Narnia comment. I watched with tenderness as she rolled over with a soft groan, only to yelp as she toppled right off the edge of the bed and hit the floor with a muted 'thud'.

Only then did she deem it an appropriate moment to open her eyes. "Motherfucking—"

"—_Language_!" Esme scolded from all the way downstairs.

She sighed heavily and leaned her head back against the floor, clearly frustrated.

I couldn't help myself, and giggled softly.

"Laugh it up, Alice," Bella groaned from her place on the floor. "If I eat all my vegetables, I'll be able to kick your ass when I grow up."

"Oh, well I can't have that, can I?" I cooed, darting to her side and scooping her up bridal style, cradling her warmth to my chest for a few moments longer than strictly necessary before depositing her back on the bed in a seated position. "Better?"

Bella's face was flushed red, and I couldn't hide the smug smile that tugged at my lips as I seated myself at her side, winding an arm around her waist. "Yeah…" she mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, pulling away somewhat. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Her blush slowly fading, Bella turned her head to face me, our noses so close that they were almost touching. (Not that I was complaining. I'd take what I could get.) "Just a little sore," she confessed in a breathy whisper. I kept my eyes riveted onto hers, resisting the temptation to let them drift down towards her lips. "I've still got the Percocet running through me, I think; which by the way Alice, I am never taking again."

I smirked. "Why not?"

"You know perfectly well why not, Alice Cullen!" she hissed at me, blushing bright red all over again. I wanted to inhale deeply and drink in the scent of her blood, but I didn't dare. "I made a fool of myself."

"Au contraire, ma belle," I corrected her with a cheeky wink. "I had no idea that you were such a romantic, memorizing a poem like that. It was a very welcome surprise." I kissed her on the flaming cheek, which burned my lips in a good way, and stood, sparing her from her own mortification. "Are you hungry? Esme's fixed you something to eat."

She followed me downstairs, stumbling a little, but otherwise fine. I was glad to see my Isabella acting more like herself.

I was also absolutely flabbergasted by the fact that she honest to God didn't give a flying fuck that I wasn't none of us were. Out of all of the reactions I had imagined her to have, that was definitely not one of them. My thoughts kept returning to that point like a dog chasing its tail. And she wasn't faking it either. I'd already checked with Jasper.

He said she dearly loved us. _Loved_ us.

Forgive me if I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Esme and Bella chatted amiably as Bella ate. They were sweet to watch. Esme had a special place in her heart for my Isabella, the youngest and most fragile of her babies, and it showed in her eyes. And Bella… Bella needed a mother, not that she'd ever admit it to herself. Her mother's death had cut her deeply, and it wasn't hard to see that her interactions with Esme filled some of the hole that was left in her absence.

When she was finished eating, I shot an apologetic smile to Esme before grabbing Bella's hand and practically dragging her out the front door, snagging her coat on one finger as I went.

"Uh, Alice? Where are we going?" Bella gasped, tripping and flailing her casted arm for balance.

I stopped and gripped her waist. "May I carry you and run, Bella?" I asked sweetly. Bella looked a little skeptical, and I rolled my eyes at her. "I won't drop you. Pinky swear," I grumbled, pouting a little and offering up my smallest finger.

With a solemnity disproportionate to the occasion, Bella linked her pinky with mine. "Okay," she agreed.

I shot her a downright wolfish grin. "Excellent." With that, I scooped her up into my arms and took off through the woods, dodging trees with little leaps and trying not to jostle my all-too-breakable passenger too much. Her heart was racing in her chest and her breathing was accelerated, but other than that, Bella didn't seem to be in any distress, which was heartening.

We didn't run long. Less than two minutes later, I arrived at my destination, slowing to a stop and gently placing Bella back onto her own two clumsy feet. She kept a tight hold of my waist though, much to my pleasure. The spot wasn't anything special, but that's why I liked it. We were standing atop a grassy hill deep within the Olympic National Forest. It was bare of trees up here, for whatever reason, making it my favorite spot to stargaze. The sun was setting now, flooding the entire swollen grey sky with pallid pink. The cloud cover would disappear soon.

I fell backwards into the springy, bright green grass with a sigh. A vision flickered through my head, and I hummed happily. "Show starts in fifteen," I reported aloud for my Isabella's benefit. She was still standing, taking in her surroundings with a funny, thoughtful sort of expression, which crinkled her nose. She settled down cross-legged at my side then, not bothering to answer aloud, and instead ran her fingers through my short hair. I adored it when she did this, though I'd never admit it, and I felt my lips turn up in a contented smile. It was freeing, to be myself around Bella. To know that the secrets I was keeping from her had been cut in half, and in half again. I felt more relaxed in that moment than I had in months.

"Are you _purring_?" Bella laughed, taking her hands from my hair and poking me gently in the side.

If I could have blushed, I would have been doing so profusely. I considered denying the fact that I had indeed been purring, but my gift told me that she'd only laugh harder if I tried. "Y-yes," I spluttered. "I'll stop."

"Don't," Bella pleaded, a mischievous glint in her light brown eyes. "I like it."

I made a face at her and tackled her, pushing her down onto her back in the grass. "Stay there," I warned her, as she squirmed in a futile effort to retaliate. "I brought you here to see the stars, and they're coming out soon."

Bella pouted adorably, but did as I asked. I lay right up against her side, our arms pressing together. Sure enough, as the sky flushed purple and black, like so many human bruises, the stars twinkled into existence.

And they were beautiful.

Fun fact about Forks, it's in the middle of bum-fucking nowhere. That means no light pollution, which means beautiful, beautiful stars. The sky was awash with them, like a stream of radioactive milk. They winked at me in the millions, and I wished I could float away with them. They'd be friendly, I think. Bella sighed contentedly, and I felt a small swell of pride bubble up within me. I was a vampire. Vampires were creatures of two elements: blood and sex. It was killing me to abstain from both of these things when I was so close to Bella, my human mate who was so oblivious to our connection. But I did it. I was strong, and I did it for her.

I laid my head back against the damp grass, the choppy ends of my hair tickling my cheeks. I listened to the rustles of the forest at night, and my Isabella's steady heartbeat. The world was full of small creatures with heartbeats like hers, sprawled anywhere and everywhere that could support life. Large and small, furred, clawed. Everywhere. Tucked safely away in my house, I was rarely able to just lie down and listen to them like this. Listen to their mortality ticking away at its own steady rhythm, in that way that was so morbidly beautiful. The walls of a house gave me a seeming protection from hearing this.

Houses are nice. Everything in them was designed and proportioned exclusively for human (or human-sized vampire) use. I fit, there. Houses are monuments to human egotism, and I am not ashamed to admit that I am grateful for this.

Nature isn't like a house, though. Nature is imperfect, and impossibly vast. Uncomfortable, as it is forceful in its reminders of human insignificance. Staring up at the lazy wash of stars spilling over the velvet of the sky, I was very much aware that I am nothing, compared to this. A speck. A blip. Even without a beating heart. This is a fact that not even the comfortable egotism of a house can protect me from.

Intellectually, I know this. I can't _feel_ it though. I am _my_ world, even if I'm not _the _world. It's an interesting dichotomy –knowing one thing and feeling the opposite. Not many of these forest creatures that surround us are capable of anything even remotely similar.

Maybe this is what makes us human.

I never gave much thought to things like the soul. What with my distinct lack of background, I was afforded the freedom to look at opinions of such things freely, without bias. And maybe I was just sentimental, but despite the fact that I can't claim a religious affiliation, I hadn't a shadow of a doubt that I had a soul. Perhaps biologically, a soul does not exist. Can't be quantified. But I am perfectly willing to believe that a soul can exist as a construct of the mind. Souls are not limited to human beings, after all. A soul isn't something that can be possessed, or contained. It's ephemeral. It can never be seen, but for its effects. That doesn't make it any less real, though.

So, lying here beneath the stars, insignificant in nature, I feel close to my soul. I can feel it pulsing just beneath the surface of my understanding of reality, filling me head to toe with the warmth of completeness, and it felt like I was floating. Drifting. Only anchored down by the beating of my Isabella's heart.

I didn't mind being tied down in the least.

I was more human than I thought, in the end. I found that ironic.

I turned towards Bella and let out a little gasp, momentarily taken aback by just how beautiful she was. The starlight illuminated her skin like the surface of the pearl, and I had an excellent view of her profile. Bella wasn't what I would describe as pretty. Instead, she was graced with more of an aristocratic, old-fashioned sort of beauty, from a more classic time. High cheekbones, a delicate chin and jaw line, and those beautiful brown doe eyes that were perfectly almond-shaped. She was a goddess, and it was moments like these that this fact nearly blasted me off my feet.

Hearing my intake of breath, Bella turned towards me lazily, a strand of hair falling into her eyes. "What is it, Alice?" she asked.

"You're really beautiful, you know," I commented to her without thinking, still a little dazed from my contemplative mood. My embarrassment was only momentary, however. It was an upside to my gift, I supposed. I could always enter a situation with confidence. "No one says it nearly enough."

My Isabella's answering blush was nothing short of spectacular, even in the dark. "Th-thank you Alice," she stuttered out, breaking eye contact but sporting a small smile either way.

I beamed at her before rolling closer to her, so I was resting on my side. "So now that we're both on the same page, vampire-wise, can I tell you something that might sound a little weird?"

Snickering a little, Bella sat up, and I joined her. She leaned into my side. "I'm pretty sure we're past the point of weird, Ali," she pointed out dryly.

"Fair enough," I conceded with a nod, before grinning roguishly at her. "It's just that you smell _wonderful_. Being around you is like a human sitting in a bakery. It's _heavenly_," I groaned.

Her eyes widened fractionally. "Does it hurt?" she breathed, sadness twisting her face. "I don't want you to hurt."

I opened my mouth to lie to her before snapping it closed again. I couldn't do that to her. "It used to," I admitted. "I got used to it though. I borrowed a few items of clothing from your hamper to acclimate myself and the others, and now, it doesn't hurt at all."

My Isabella frowned, but didn't say anything, instead reaching out and grabbing my hand, staring at it instead of my face, as if she were ashamed.

Seeing her even a little bit sad wasn't something I could handle. So I set about to cheer her up with what Emmett referred to as my 'happy-beam'. "But now that it doesn't hurt anymore," I purred, sporting a sort of faux evil look on my face, "I can do _this_!" I pounced on her, tickling her stomach and nuzzling my nose up and down her neck, inhaling her scent.

Bella shrieked with laughter, trying to escape both my dancing fingers and searching nose. "A-Alice! S-stop it!" she gasped in between fits of giggles.

Not wanting to get carried away and accidentally hurt her with the roughhousing, I did as she asked but remained perched in her lap, looking and feeling smug. Bella put an end to that rather quickly though, and pushed me off, grumbling something about 'stupid super-strong vampires' and sticking her tongue out at me. She couldn't hold her pout for more than a few seconds though, and ended up smiling at me and grabbing my hand again.

"Thanks for bringing me out here to see the stars, Alice," she said, still breathless. Her face was flushed, her hair was mussed, her eyes were shining, and her chest was heaving. I made a mental note to tickle her more often. Maybe I was a pervert, but I still maintain that I'm not to be blamed for enjoying the sight. "It was exactly what I needed."

I wanted to say so many things. I wanted to tell her that she was my mate. That I loved her. That I started falling for her all those months ago and hadn't stopped even now. I wanted to tell her that I would do anything to make her happy. But she wasn't ready to hear these things yet, so I settled for letting them shine out of my eyes as I gazed at her with no small amount of longing. I felt free tonight. I didn't want to hold back. Not completely. "I'll always find a way to make you happy, Bella," I promised her. "And Bella, thank you."

She blinked at me, confused. "What could you possibly have to thank me for, Alice?" she asked. "It was you who saved my life. You and Jazz."

I wanted to growl at her for not understanding how special she was, but I swallowed it. "You saved me, Bella," I assured her, lurching forwards and gathering her up in a hug. "In more ways than one." My words were muffled, as I had buried my face in her soft, silky neck, but I knew she heard me.

Hesitantly, she copied my pose, and I shivered at the feeling of her warm breath on my neck.

"Then you're welcome, Ali."

* * *

_A/N: That poem was my favorite for this week, "I Sing the Body Electric" by Walt Whitman. It's really long, so that was just a little part, but it's incomparably beautiful._


End file.
